THE SASH Friday October 22nd 2010
The Weekly Online Newsletter of Sarsfields GAA Club.
Thank you for the fantastic support in 2010
Sarsfields Senior Manager Sean O’Sullivan and his management team of Tom Campbell, Martin McIntyre, David Earley, Ross Dunphy, Declan Conlon, Mark Dunning, Ann Nolan, Ken Coffey and Sean White along with Team Captain Gary White, Vice Captain Enda Freaney and the Full Panel of Players would like to thank all members, supporters and friends for the fantastic support they received this year in their run to the final of the Pfizer Kildare Senior Football Championship. It was very much appreciated.
Sean O’Sullivan
Sarsfields Senior Football Manager 2010
Hard Luck to our Senior Footballers in last Sunday’s County Final. They had a
great year and only lost one game in the championship and hopefully they can
go one step further next year. Thanks to the team, Manager Sean O’Sullivan, Selectors Martin McIntyre, Tom Cambell David Earley and all concerned and well done to Alan Smith who was the top Scorer in the Pfizer Kildare Senior Football Championship for 2010. Best Wishes toCaptain Gary Whitewho had to go off at half time and was brought to
hospital for observation and to Dermot Earley who is recovering from his cruciate ligament operation.
Best of luck to our Under 21 Footballers and Andrew Brennan, Shane Courtney
and Joe O’Malley in their game against Round Towers at home on Saturday at
2pm in the Championship First round.
Sarsfields Fixtures.
U21 Championship Saturday October 23rd. Sarsfields v Round Towers at 2pm in Sarsfields Park.
2011 National League fixtures announced
The 2011 National Football and Hurling League fixtures have been announced.
The glamour meeting of newly-crowned All-Ireland champions Cork and Kerry will ensure a high-profile launch to the National Football League on Sunday, February 6.
The National Hurling League will also open with a mouth-watering fixture at Semple Stadium on Saturday, February 12 when Tipperary and Kilkenny meet in a repeat of the recent All-Ireland final. The National Football League actually starts on Saturday, February 5 when Armagh and Dublin meet in Division 1, and Laois face Meath, and Donegal square up to Sligo in Division 2.
Once again, a large number of games will be played under lights.
NFL Round 1
Sat Feb 5th: Division 1: Armagh v Dublin; Division 2, Laois v Meath, Donegal v Sligo
Sunday Feb 6 (2.30):
Div 1: Kerry v Cork, Monaghan v Galway, Mayo v Down.
Div 2: Antrim v Kildare, Derry v Tyrone.
Div 3: Offaly v Cavan, Wexford v Waterford, Louth v Westmeath, Tipperary v Limerick.
Div 4: London v Kilkenny, Leitrim v Clare, Longford v Roscommon, Carlow v Wicklow, Fermanagh Bye.
NHL Div 1 (Rd 1): Sat Feb 12th: Tipperary v Kilkenny, 7.30pm
Sun Feb 13th (2.30): Div 1: Galway v Wexford, Cork v Offaly, Waterford v Dublin.
Div 2 (Rd 1): Westmeath v Laois, Down v Carlow, Kerry v Antrim, Clare v Limerick.
NFL Div 4 (Rd 2): London v Roscommon, Clare v Kilkenny, Leitrim v Wicklow, Carlow v Fermanagh, Longford Bye.
NHL Div 3A (Rd 1) (2.30): Wicklow v Kildare, Derry v Armagh, London v Meath.
NHL Div 3B (Rd 1) (2.30): Fingal v Monaghan, Louth v Sligo, Mayo v Roscommon, Donegal Bye.
NHL Div 4 (Rd 1) (2.30): Longford v South Down, Cavan v Fermanagh, Tyrone V Leitrim
Sat Feb 19: NFL Div 1 (Rd 2) (7.30): Dublin v Cork.
NFL Div 2 (Rd 2) (7.30): Tyrone v Donegal.
NFL Div 4 (Rd 3) (7.30): Fermanagh v Longford.
NHL Div 1 (Rd 2) (5.45): Dublin v Tipperary.
Sun 20 Feb: NFL Div 1 (Rd 2) (2.30): Mayo v Kerry, Down v Galway, Armagh v Monaghan
NFL Div 2 (Rd 2) (2.30): Kildare v Derry, Meath v Sligo, Laois v Antrim
NFL Div 3 (Rd 2) (2.30): Waterford v Limerick, Westmeath v Cavan, Offaly v Wexford, Louth v Tipperary
NFL Div 4 (Rd 3) (2.30): Kilkenny v Leitrim, Roscommon v Carlow, Wicklow v London
Clare Bye
NHL Div 1 (Rd 2) (2.30) Offaly v Galway, Kilkenny v Cork, Wexford v Waterford
NHL 2 (Rd 2) (2.30) Laois v Carlow, Antrim v Clare, Kerry v Down, Limerick v Westmeath
NHL Div 3A (Rd 2) (2.30): Meath v Wicklow, Armagh v London, Kildare v Derry
NHL Div 3B (Rd 2) (2.30): Donegal v Roscommon, Louth v Monaghan, Mayo v Fingal.
Sligo Bye
NHL Div 4 (Rd 2) (2.30): South Down v Tyrone, Leitrim v Cavan, Fermanagh v Longford.
Sat 26 Feb: NFL Div 1 (Rd 3) (7.30): Down v Armagh, Dublin v Kerry.
NFL Div 2 (Rd 3) (7.30): Antrim v Meath
NFL Div 3 (Rd 3) (7.30): Limerick v Offaly
Sun 27 Feb:
NFL Div 1 (Rd 3) (2.30): Cork v Monaghan, Galway v Mayo.
NFL 2 (Rd 3) (2.30): Sligo v Tyrone, Donegal v Kildare, Derry v Laois
NFL Div 3 (Rd 3) (2.30): Wexford v Louth, Cavan v Waterford, Tipperary v Westmeath
NFL Div 4 (Rd 4) (2.30): Fermanagh v Wicklow, London v Leitrim, Longford v Kilkenny, Carlow v Clare
Roscommon Bye
Sat 5 March: NHL Div 1 (Rd 3): Tipperary v Waterford
Sun 6 March: NHL 1 (Rd 3) (2.30): Cork v Galway, Offaly v Dublin, Kilkenny v Wexford
NHL Div 2 (Rd 3) (2.30): Laois v Antrim, Westmeath v Clare, Down v Limerick, Carlow v Kerry
NHL Div 3A (Rd 3) (2.30): Armagh v Kildare, Derry v Meath, London v Wicklow
NHL Div 3B (Rd 3) (2.30): Monaghan v Donegal, Fingal v Louth, Roscommon v Sligo
Mayo Bye
NHL Div 4 (Rd 3) (2.30): Cavan v Tyrone, Leitrim v Longford, Fermanagh v South Down
Sat 12 March: NFL 1 (Rd 4) (7.30): Kerry v Galway
NFL Div 2 (Rd 4) (7.30): Tyrone v Antrim
NHL Div 2 (Rd 4) (7.30): Limerick v Laois
Sun 13 March:
NFL Div 1 (Rd 4) (2.30): Mayo v Armagh, Cork v Down, Monaghan v Dublin.
NFL Div 2 (Rd 4) (2.30): Meath v Donegal, Kildare v Laois, Sligo v Derry.
NFL Div 3 (Rd 4) (2.30): Louth v Offaly, Waterford v Tipperary, Limerick v Cavan, Westmeath v Wexford
NFL Div 4 (Rd 5) (2.30): Wicklow v Longford, Roscommon v Fermanagh, Kilkenny v Carlow, Clare v London
Leitrim Bye
NHL Div 1 (Rd 4) (2.30): Galway v Kilkenny, Tipperary v Offaly, Waterford v Cork, Wexford v Dublin
NHL Div 2 (Rd 4) (2.30): Antrim v Carlow, Kerry v Westmeath, Clare v Down
NHL Div 3A (Rd 4) (2.30): Wicklow v Derry, Meath v Armagh, Kildare v London
NHL Div 3B (Rd 4) (2.30): Donegal v Fingal, Sligo v Monaghan, Louth v Mayo
Roscommon Bye
NHL Div 4 (Rd 4) (2.30): South Down v Leitrim, Longford v Cavan, Tyrone v Fermanagh.
Sat March 19:
NFL Div 1 (Rd 5) (7.30): Down v Monaghan
NFL Div 2 (Rd 5) (7.30): Derry v Donegal, Laois v Tyrone
Sunday March 20
NFL Div 1 (Rd 5) (2.30): Galway v Cork, Armagh v Kerry, Dublin v Mayo
NFL Div 2 (Rd 5) (2.30): Kildare v Meath, Antrim v Sligo
NFL Div 3 (Rd 5) (2.30): Louth v Limerick, Westmeath v Waterford, Offaly v Tipperary, Wexford v Cavan
NFL Div 4 (Rd 6) (2.30): Clare v Roscommon, Leitrim v Fermanagh, London v Longford, Kilkenny v Wicklow
Carlow Bye
Sunday March 27
NFL Div 4 (Rd 7) (2.30): Wicklow v Roscommon, Leitrim v Carlow, Clare v Longford, Kilkenny v Fermanagh
London Bye
NHL Div 1 (Rd 5) (2.30): Cork v Tipperary, Dublin v Galway, Offaly v Wexford, Kilkenny v Waterford
NHL Div 2 (Rd 5) (2.30): Westmeath v Antrim, Down v Laois, Carlow v Limerick, Clare v Kerry
NHL Div 3A (Rd 5) (2.30): Derry v London, Armagh v Wicklow, Kildare v Meath
NHL Div 3B (Rd 5) 2:30: Monaghan v Roscommon, Fingal v Sligo, Mayo v Donegal
Louth Bye
NHL Div 4 (Rd 5) 2.30: Leitrim v Fermanagh, Cavan v South Down, Tyrone v Longford
Saturday April 2
NFL Div 1 (Rd 6) 7.30: Dublin v Down
NFL Div 3 (Rd 6) (7.30): Cavan v Louth
NHL Div 2 (Rd 6) (7.30): Laois v Clare
Sunday April 3
NFL Div 1 (Rd 6) (2.30): Monaghan v Kerry, Mayo v Cork, Armagh v Galway
NFL Div 2 (Rd 6) (2.30): Donegal v Antrim, Tyrone v Kildare, Derry v Meath, Sligo v Laois
NFL Div 3 (Rd 6) (2.30): Limerick v Westmeath, Waterford v Offaly, Tipperary v Wexford
NFL Div 4 (Rd 8) (2.30): Longford v Leitrim, Roscommon v Kilkenny, Carlow v London, Fermanagh v Clare
Wicklow Bye
NHL Div 1 (Rd 6) (2.30): Galway v Tipperary, Offaly v Waterford, Wexford v Cork, Dublin v Kilkenny
NHL Div 2 (Rd 6)(2.30): Down v Antrim, Carlow v Westmeath, Limerick v Kerry
NHL Div 3B (Rd 6) (2.30): Donegal v Louth, Sligo v Mayo, Roscommon v Fingal
Monaghan Bye
Sunday April 10
NFL Div 1 (Rd 7) (2.30): Monaghan v Mayo, Kerry v Down, Galway v Dublin, Cork v Armagh
NFL Div 2 (Rd 7) (2.30): Antrim v Derry, Laois v Donegal, Kildare v Sligo, Meath v Tyrone
NFL Div 3 (Rd 7) (2.30): Westmeath v Offaly, Waterford v Louth, Limerick v Wexford, Cavan v Tipperary
NFL Div 4 (Rd 9) (2.30): Roscommon v Leitrim, Wicklow v Clare, Longford v Carlow, Fermanagh v London
Kilkenny Bye
NHL Div 3B (Rd 7) (2.30): Monaghan v Mayo, Sligo v Donegal, Roscommon v Louth
Fingal Bye
Sunday April 17
NHL Div 1, (Rd 7) (2.30): Cork v Dublin, Tipperary v Wexford, Waterford v Galway, Kilkenny v Offaly
NHL Div 2 (Rd 7) (2.30): Westmeath v Down, Antrim v Limerick, Kerry v Laois, Clare v Carlow.
Underage News.
Thanks to Aoife Whelan, Paul English, Roisin Byrne and Claire Fox who coached the Girls academy last Saturday. Roisin Byrne to the Girls academy on a full time basis. With over 20 girls in attendance and with the excellent support of Roisin and Claire, Aoife was able to commence the long road to bringing this group to competitive football. In the U13A Ladies Division Sarsfields 5-9 to 2-2 win over Kildangan/Nurney. Mark Coffey and Paul Kenny have been appointed the U5 coaching team. Both Mark and Paul will be supporting Enda and Michael as this team advances into next years U6 squad. However this team requires more coaches, so please follow Mark and Pauls lead and volunteer to join this team. While the U5’s will form next years U6’s this leaves Robbie Byrne to take responsibility of next years U5’s. Robbie brings a wealth of experience having recently retired from Senior football playing in Dublin. However Robbie will require 4 to 5 parents/coaches to start developing this new intake. The shop has been restocked and parents are encouraged to purchase the Sarsfields gear for their children, are requested to wear it to all training sessions and matches especially for Sunday’s County Final. The Sarsfields underage academy provides complimentary tea & coffee in the club every Saturday. There will be a coaching course in Rathcoffey GAA club in October for mentors of U13 teams and younger who already have a foundation level course completed. Places are limited to 24 people and there will be a charge of €50 per person. If Interested Contact John Holden on 087 2872208. For the month of September U13 Hurling training is on Thursdays at 6.00pm and Saturdays at 11.30am. New members always welcome. For more information contact Kieran Galvin 087 7427549.
Club Membership Discount Scheme
Sarsfields members can avail of a 10% discount when they show their membership cards while shopping at the following businesses that are participants of the Club Membership Discount Card Scheme.
Acupuncture and Sports Therapy – Gerry Loftus 16 lower Eyre Street.
Amazon Beauty Salon, Ballymany Shopping Centre, Newbridge
An Chistin Restaurant, George’s St, Newbridge
Attic Storage, Industrial Estate, Newbridge.
Biodental Dental Laboratory, Middle Eyre Street
Blooms Florist, Henry Street , Newbridger
Champions Sports, Whitewater, Shopping Centre
Chat & Chew , Café Edward St. Newbridge.
Chicken America Restaurant, Edward St Newbridge.
Clarke’s Menswear, Edward St, Newbridge
Cosgorve’s Pharmacy., Edward Sy Newbridge.
Curraghr Race Course.
Ecocraft, Environmental Building, Clongorey, Newbridge.
Edward Harrigans, pub and Restaurant. Main Street.
Enigma Design Homeware & Gifts, Tarmel Centre
Fallons Bar & Café Main Street, Kilcullen
Farrell & Nephew Gift & Bookshop, Main Street, Newbridge.
Fitzsimons Finance, Cutlery Road, Newbridge.
Hokey Pokey Café, Charlotte Street, Newbridge.
Jardin Royale , Chinese Restaurant, Main Street, Newbridge
Jean’s Jewellers & Giftware, Henry Stret.
Joe Kelly Barber, George’s Street.
Kildare Tyres & Batteries, Cutlery Road, Newbridge.
LHW Insurances Group, 57/58/George’s Street Dun Laoghaire.
Lilywhite Print, Eyre Street, Newbridge.
Maginn Electrical, Curragh Camp.
Marty’s Cabs, Main Street Newbridge.
Michael Murphy Furniture, Edward Street, Newbridge.
Moores Builders Providers, Cutlery Road.
Newbridge Hire Service, Newbridge Industrial Estate.
Newbridge Van Rental, Newhall, Naas.
Newbridge Nutrition, Eyre Street.
O’Leary Shoes, Dunnes Stores, Newbridge
O’Reilly Pharmacy, Curragh Grange, Newbridge.
Owen Baker, Menswear, Charlotte Street, Newbridge.
Paul’s Riverside Restaurant, Market Square, Kilcullen.
Red Lane Driving Range, Red Lane , Newbridge.
Reflections Boutique, Moorefield Road, Newbridge.
Riozzi’s Take Away, Eyre Street.
Robbie’s Butchers, Highfield, Newbridge.
Sheehy Motors, Newbridge Road, Naas.
Stevenson’s Home Décor, Ballymany Shoppinf Centre, Newbridge.
Swift’s Bar and Restaurant, Main Street, Newbridge.
Tarmel Laundry & Dry Cleaners, Cutlery Road, Newbridge.
The Fabric Library, Kildaara Industrial Estate, Newbridge.
The Good Food Gallery, Carnalway, Kilcullen.
The Kiosk Florists, Main Street, Newbridge.
Tom Malone Butchers, Charlotte Street, Newbridge
Top Twenty, Dunnes Stores Shopping Centre.
WE Fit Tyre & Exhaust Centre, Newbridge Industrial Estate.
Whitewater Café Club, Edward Street, Newbridge.
Whyte Melia Electrical, 882, Piercetown, Newbridge.
Sasrsfields On Facebook
Sarsfields now have 560 Fans on Facebook.
Sarsfields now has a Facebook Page where all sections can now post information directly relating to games, results events and photos etc. In addition there is a discussion forum. Link to Sarsfields Facebook page can be found by scrolling down the home page of the Sarsfields website or by Googling Sarsfields GAA Facebook. More Stupid Quotes.
‘Make no mistake. Canada is not a bilingual country. In fact
it is less bilingual today than it has ever been.’
– Canadian PM Stephan Harper
True Story
IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER
The following are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said , ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No , I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do..
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son , the 20-year-old , how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you having me on?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: What do you imagine I was doing?
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral…
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
And last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Thanks to Leo Kennedy for the above
Humour
Mexican Cyclist
A man on a bike, carrying two saddlebags, was stopped by a guard while crossing the US-Mexican border. He had rigged up a primitive rope bridge to by-pass the customs control.
‘What’s in the bags? demanded the guard.
‘Sand,’ the cyclist answered.
‘Take them off. I need to take a look.’ retorted the guard.
The guard emptied the bags and found out they contained nothing but sand. The man reloaded his bags and continued across the border. A week later, the same man was crossing again with two more bags. The guard demanded to see them, and again they contained nothing but sand. This continued every week for six months, until one day the cyclist failed to appear. A few days later, that same guard ran into the cyclist in Tijuana.
‘Hey, where have you been?’ the guard enquired. ‘You sure had us wondering. We knew you were smuggling something across the border. So tell me and I won’t say a word. What was it?’
The man smiled broadly and told him the truth, ‘Bicycles!’
Phone for help
One March evening, the boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers, dialled the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper.
‘Hello.’
‘Is your daddy home?’ he asked.
‘Yes, ‘whispered the small voice.
‘May I talk with him?’
The child whispered, ‘No.’
Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, ‘Is your Mommy there?’
‘Yes.’
‘May I talk with her?’
Again the small voice whispered, ‘No.’
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, ‘Is anybody else there?’
‘Yes, ‘whispered the child, ‘a policeman.’
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, ‘May I speak with the policeman?’
‘No, he’s busy’, whispered the child.
‘Busy doing what?’
‘Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman, ‘came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a Helicopter through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked, ‘What is that noise?’
‘A hello-copper’ answered the whispering voice.
‘What is going on there?’ asked the boss, now truly alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, ‘The search team just landed the hello-copper.’
Alarmed, concerned, and even more then just a little frustrated the boss asked, ‘What are they searching for?’
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: ‘ME.’
Legal but not Logical!
A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.
Student: ‘Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?’
Professor: ‘Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn’t be a professor, would I?’
Student: ‘OK. So I’d like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as it is. If you can’t give me the correct answer, however, you’ll have to give me an ‘A’.
Professor: ‘Hmmmm, alright. So what’s the question?’
Student: ‘What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? ‘
The professor wracks his famous brain, but just can’t crack the answer. Finally he gives up and changes the student’s failing mark into an ‘A’ as agreed, and the student goes away, very pleased.
The professor continues to wrack his brain over the question all afternoon, but still can’t get the answer. So finally he calls in a group of his brightest students and tells them he has a really, really tough question to answer: ‘What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? ‘
To the professor’s surprise (and embarrassment), all the students immediately raise their hands.
‘All right’ says the professor and asks his favourite student to answer
‘It’s quite easy, sir’ says the student ‘You see, you are 75 years old and married to a 30 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 22 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. And your wife’s lover failed his exam but you’ve just given him an ‘A’, which is neither legal, nor logical.’
The Scouser and the Memory Man
A scouser is on holiday in Arizona USA. He’s staying in a remote
frontier type town and walks into a bar .
He orders his drink and sits down at the bar when he notices a native
American Indian, dressed in full regalia, feathered head dress,
tomahawk, spear, the lot, sitting in the corner under a sign saying
‘Ask me anything’
The scouser is intrigued and asks the barman about him.
‘Oh, we call him the memory man, He knows everything.’ says the barman.
‘What do you mean he knows everything?’ asks the scouser.
‘Well, he knows every fact there is to know and he never, ever forgets
anything’
‘Yeah right ‘ says the scouser.
‘If you don’t believe me, try him out. Ask him anything, and he’ll know
the answer’
‘Alright’ says the Scouser and walks up to the Memory Man.
‘Where am I from?’
‘Knotty Ash, Liverpool , England ‘ says the Red Indian. And he was
right.
‘Alright’ says the scouser, ‘that was easy you probably recognised my
accent. Who won the 1965 FA Cup Final?’
‘ Liverpool ‘ says the memory man quick as a flash.
‘Yes and who did they play?’
‘Leeds United’ again without blinking
‘And the score?’
‘2-1’ says the memory man without hesitation.
‘Pretty good,but I bet you don’t know who scored the winning goal?’
‘Ian St John’ says the Indian in an instant.
Flabbergasted the tourist continues on his holiday and on his return to
Birkenhead tells all and sundry about the amazing Memory Man. He just
can’t get him out of his mind and so he vows to return and find him
again and pay him his due respect .
He saves his dole money for years and finally twelve years later he has
saved enough and returns to the states in search of the memory
man.
He searches high and low for him. And after two weeks of trying
virtually every bar and town in Arizona he finds him sitting in a cave
in the mountains, older, greyer and more wrinkled than before but still
resplendent in his warpaint and full regalia.
The scouser, duly humbled approaches him and decides to greet him in
the traditional manner..
‘How’.
The memory man squints at the scouser.
‘Flying header in the six yard box.’
Thanks to Leo for the above couple
Different Perspective
A British Army Colonel was walking down Oxford Street in London, when he saw a man with no arms and no legs sitting on the pavement playing a mouth organ.
A sign beside the chap read, ‘Victim of the Falklands War. ‘
‘I say how disgraceful, eh? ‘said the colonel, ‘the way the country treats its veterans. ‘So saying, he pulled out his wallet and peeled off two fifty pound notes and dropped them in the ex-soldier’s hat.
The veteran looked up and said, ‘Muchas gracias, senor.’
