Sarsfields News

November 8, 2018

THE SASH  Thursday December 10th 2009


The Weekly Online Newsletter of Sarsfields GAA Club.   


Dermot Gets Another Award.


On Tuesday a day after he returned from America with the Kildare panel Dermot Earley received the Halifax /GPA Fair Play Award for 2009.  He was nominated and given the award by his fellow inter county players. Speaking at the announcement Dermot told journalists that he was in favour of the new experimental rule that will allow players to call a ‘mark’ between the two 45’s one of a number of experimental rules that will come into effect during next year’s National Football League.  



AGM Saturday 5th December


At the AGM held before the biggest attendance in many years in the clubhouse on Saturday night last there were a number of changes to the executive committee. The following officers were elected. Chairman: Brendan Ryan re elected unopposed. Vice Chairman: Christy Horan re-elected unopposed. John Holden was elected in place of  outgoing Secretary Tony McConnell. Treasurer: Shane Cambell re elected unopposed. Registrar: Kathleen Ryan re-elected unopposed. Kevin McNulty was elected in place of outgoing County Board Delegate Camillus Walsh. Public Relations Officer: Tony Ryan re-elected unopposed. Tributes were paid to the work of the defeated Officers Tony McConnell and Camillus Walsh. Mick Ryan and John O’Neill were selected as joint Presidents of the club.

Treasurer Shane Cambell made an excellent PowerPoint presentation on the club’s finances and spoke of the need for the club to redouble its efforts at fundraising in 2010. The treasurer said that any proposals for fundraising from any section of the club would be welcomed and will be examined by the executive committee for their feasibility. A proposal by Vincent Murphy to have a club night once a month was adopted. In his address to the meeting Chairman Brendan Ryan spoke of the disappointment at the Seniors League and Championship campaign and added that that was now behind the club and looked forward to a better season in 2010 with recently appointed Manager, Sean O’Sullivan and his new management team of Martin McIntyre and Tom Cambell.    

Senior player Padraig Brennan will be appointed as liaison officer between the senior players and the executive committee. Vice Chairman Christy Horan has relinquished his position of Safety Officer. Vincent Miller a former member of the Civil Defence and Red Cross will be appointed as the new Safety Officer for the club. A new football committee is to be set up and will be chaired by Pat Cox. A maintenance crew will be formed for regular up keep of the clubhouse and grounds. Volunteers can apply to the committee.

            On Friday next December 11th, a  medal ceremony will be held in the clubhouse for players from Under 12’s to 16 The following winning teams will receive medals: Boys under 10′ Girls Under 12’s 13’s 14’s & 15’s. Parents of all players are invited to attend




 News from new Secretary John Holden
A big thank you to the large crowd of approximately 150 people who
attended last Saturday nights Annual General Meeting in the Clubhouse.

The following were elected. Honorary Presidents: John O’Neill and Mick Ryan

Chairman: Brendan Ryan, Vice Chairman: Christy Horan

Secretary: John Holden, Treasurer: Shane Campbell

P.R.O. Tony Ryan, County Board Delegate: Kevin McNulty

Other positions announced recently:

Safety Officer Vincent Miller,  Senior Players Liasion Officer Padraig


The 6 Sarsfields Representatives at The Kildare GAA Convention
night in St Laurences will be Vice Chairman Christy Horan,
Secretary John Holden and County Board Delegate Kevin McNulty with Dinny
Callaghan, Barney Breslin and Pat O’Connor representing the Hurling Section.

The Sarsfields Christmas Party night scheduled for this Saturday has
been cancelled and been replaced by a New Years Eve Celebration Function
with Music by Apollo and commencing at 8.30pm sharp. A limited number of
tickets are available from Clubhouse or Contact Bar Manager Celine Brown
087 7934780
or Club Secretary John Holden 087 2872208.

The new Minor Football Manager for 2010 is Mick O’Sullivan and his
selectors are Keith Hedderman and Lorcan O’Donnell.  John Melia and Mark
Dunning will also assist with this team who will commence training on
15th January.

The Senior B team under manager Conor Earley and Selectors Joe Murray
and Lorcan O’Donnell  will eventually play the Jack Higgins Cup final
versus Straffan on Friday 18^th December at 8pm in Naas. Sarsfields last
won the Jack Higgins Cup in 1994

Congratulations to Dermot Earley (Jnr) on winning the 2009 Halifax ‘Fair
Play’ Football award which was announced recently.

Applications for Manager of Junior B and Junior C  football teams are
now being sought. If Interested please contact Chairman Brendan Ryan 087
9345109  or  Secretary John Holden 087 2872208

The Junior Hurlers will play Sallins in the League Semi Final in the New

The 1^st Meeting of the New Club Executive Committee will be held  in
early January.

Club Membership for all sections is now due. Contact Registrar Kathleen
(Ollie) Ryan 086 6264115

The new membership rates are as follows:

Adult Member €60

Adult Player €120 (includes €60 player contribution)

Student Player €90  (includes €60 player contribution)

Unemployed Player €70 (includes €60 player contribution)

Retired Member €10

Juvenile Member (Kindergarten to Under 9) €30

Juvenile Member ( Under 10 to Under 18) €60  (includes €30 player

Family Membership €70 + players levies





Camogie Manager Required


Sarsfields Camogie

We are looking for a new manager for 2010. If anyone is interested could
they please let me know on 087 2963212.
We will be having our AGM at the end of January.
I would also like to take this opportunity to say a big thank you to our
manager for the last couple of years Joe Murray who will not be taking
the position next year.His commitment and dedication could not be
faulted and was much appreciated. Also thank you to Lynda McNamee and
Dan Whelan who thankfully will still be involved next year.
Kind Regards,
Paula Earley
087 2963212





Sign up to the Vodafone Support Your GAA Club programme to donate 5% of
your Pay Monthly bill or Top Up to Sarsfields – without it costing you a
single cent! Contact Shane Campbell or visit the Vodafone web site.





More Stupid Quotes. 


‘I believe there would be many people alive today if there were
a death penalty.’
– Nancy Reagan


I don’t feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from
them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land,
and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves.

– John Wayne  



‘I was thinking about making a comeback, until I pulled a muscle
– Johnny Bench


‘The Yankees are only interested in one thing, and I don’t know
what that is.’
– Former Yankee outfielder Louos Polonia


‘Twenty-three is old. It’s almost twenty-five, which is, like,
almost mid-twenties.’
– Jessica Simpson


‘You’d be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap!’
– Dolly Parton


‘It doesn’t matter what he does, he will never amount to
– Albert Einstein’s teacher to his father, 1895



Strange/Bizarre/Quirkie News. 


FAYETTEVILLE, Ark – A baby alligator, a diamondback rattlesnake,
six pythons and three chameleons have been found in a University
of Arkansas dorm room.

A long with those animals were four white mice, which were
intended to be used as a meal for the various reptiles.

UA student Jacob Miller had explained to law enforcement that he
and his roommate had acquired the animals for free and were
selling them for a profit. The two were not charged but were
fined as it is illegal to have alligators or rattlesnakes
without a handler certification.


Mad or What?

A 17-year-old boy surnamed Liang almost died when he tried to use a kung fu movement to stop a train in Laibin Railway Station in South China’s Guangxi Zhuang Autonomous Region on Tuesday reports China Daily.

Liang was pushed to safety by a railway policeman just as he was about to be knocked down. Liang jumped down to the tracks and wanted to use Xianglongshibazhang, a famous kung fu posturing described in many swordsman fictions, to stop the running train.

He was taken into custody for breaking railway rules and said he wanted to test whether or not he could use kung fu to stop the train. Liang is a great fan of swordsman fiction and has also learnt martial arts.


Aliens Calling

LONDON – Britain’s military has closed a hotline that took
reports of UFOs.

The Ministry of Defense says that the phone service and an
associated e-mail address were taken offline Tuesday.

The military explained Friday that more than 50 years of UFO
sightings had not revealed any evidence of alien life or threats
to the U.K.

It said that there was ‘no defense value in investigating UFO
reports’ and that the money could better be used funding
operations in Afghanistan.

The officer who used to deal with the reports has now been




True Story   



A woman telephoned St Mary’s Hospital and asked to speak to Ward E2 as she was enquiring as to the progress of one of the patient’s in that ward. She explained that she wanted to know if the patient was getting better, doing as expected or getting worse.

A staff nurse answered the phone, ‘Hallo, Ward E2. What is the name of the patient and his room number?’
‘He is in bed 1, room 10, ‘came the reply, ‘And his name is Albert Brown.’

‘Could you hold the line for a moment, ‘the nurse asked, ‘While I check his records. Ah, yes, Mr Brown is doing well: blood pressure OK, blood test results appear normal, he’s going to be taken off the heart monitor and if he continues to improve then Doctor Svoboda is going to send him home tomorrow at midday.’

‘Oh, that’s super, amazing, I’m so pleased to hear the news; it really is fantastic, thank you so much.’

‘You sound so glad,’replied the nurse, ‘You are so and enthusiastic you must be a close friend or a relative of Mr Brown.’

The man answered, ‘Not exactly, I’m Albert Brown in Ward E2, room 10, bed 1. Nobody in here ever tells me anything.’

In case you are wondering, Albert’s day job is a ventriloquist.  While this is a strange but true story, all other details have been changed to protect the innocent.

 True Story 2


True Story – Bakery for dogs opens in Paris

An award-winning pastry chef has opened a bakery that caters only for dogs in Paris.  Mon Bon Chien sells bacon biscuits in the shape of a cat and bone-shaped biscuits foie gras, reports the BBC.

The owner is Harriet Sternstein who moved to Paris from the US with her dog Sophie-Marie.  Sophie-Marie provided the inspiration for the new business for her owner, who decided the best way to make a living was to combine her biggest enthusiasms – pastries and pets.

‘Everything is made in the back of the boutique,’ said Ms Sternstein, ‘Every day, I make 200 to 300 biscuits and special orders are taken on a daily basis.

‘The Parisians come – and the first time they think it’s very funny and they look at it, and buy the ones that they think are the cutest. Then the dogs come back and choose which flavours they like the best.

‘I change flavours, based on what’s going on, I will be creating a special biscuit for Valentine’s Day.’

True Story 3

Prince of Whales

If not the prince, the Orca must surely be the King of Whales.
These massive black and white creatures, more commonly known as
killer whales, have become prize exhibits at sea parks, and on
ocean boat tours.

Born at a mere 6-7′ long, and a puny 400 lbs, the Orca matures
at 20-25 years. Males will weigh in at 9,000-11,000 lbs., 20-29′
feet in length, and will live 30-60 years. Females are the
smaller of the species, being 5,000-6,000 lbs. and 16-25′. But
they live longer, averaging 50 years, but living up to 90.

Technically a type of dolphin, the killer whale is also highly
intelligent, something which has enhanced their performance
value as entertainment at theme parks. They are also a very
social animal, which makes captivity by themselves, extremely

In the wild, Orcas travel in pods, and enjoy such group
activities as tail slapping, breaching, headstands, and chasing
each other for play, or foreplay. When the pod decides to move
on, they all travel facing in the same direction, either in a
line, or in small groups. Their rate of respiration while
traveling, is slower than while feeding, and at times may
actually coordinate with other members of the pod.

Orcas feed on fish, either cruising through the school with
their mouths open, or sometimes by circling a school of fish,
and ‘penning’ them for the benefit of several whales at a time.




One Way.

Three engineers and three accountants are travelling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

‘How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?’ asks an accountant.�
‘Watch and you’ll see,’ answers an engineer.

They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a toilet and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, ‘Ticket, please.’
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever
idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don’t buy a ticket at all.
‘How are you going to travel without a ticket?’ says one perplexed accountant.

‘Watch and you’ll see,’ answers an engineer.
When they board the train the three accountants cram into a toilet and the three engineers cram into another one nearby.

The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his toilet and walks over to the toilet where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, Ticket, please.’


Funny Airline Cabin Crew Announcements  

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in flight ‘safety lecture’ a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples of funny airline cabin crew announcements:

1. On a Southwest flight 245 (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, ‘People, people we’re not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!’

2. On a Continental Flight with a very ‘senior’ flight attendant crew, the pilot said, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.’

3. On landing, the stewardess said, ‘Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you’re going to leave anything, please make sure it’s something we’d like to have.

4. ‘There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane’

5. ‘Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.’

6. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: ‘Whoa, big fella. WHOA!’

7. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight a announced, ‘Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.’

8. From a Southwest Airlines employee: ‘Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa . To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised.’

9. ‘In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite.’

10. ‘Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines.’

11. ‘Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.’  

Guard Summons

Passing an office building one Sunday, a girl saw a sign that
said, ‘Press bell for security guard.’

She did so, and after several minutes she heard the guard
clomping down the stairs. She watched him shut down the alarm
system, put three different keys in three different locks, and
finally open the door.

‘Well,’ the security guard said to the girl, ‘what do you want?’

She looked at him curiously. ‘I just wondered why you couldn’t
ring it yourself.’


Car Crash



A cop was driving down a country road when he saw a car in the ditch. He got out of his car to see if anyone was in the car. A blonde popped her head out the window and said ‘Thank god officer! I got in an accident!’ The officer replied with ‘Well I can see that! Are you okay?’ The blonde looked forward and said ‘Well yeah… I think so.’ Then the officer looked around and said ‘Miss…. your car looks like an elephant stepped on it. How did you crash?’ The blonde looked at him and said ‘It was so strange. I was driving down the road and out of nowhere a tree jumped infront of me, so I swerved to the other side and another tree was in the way, so I swerved again, but another one was there again, so one last time I swerved to the other side, but the damn tree got me, and caused me to go in this ditch!’ The officer started to laugh hard. ‘What’s so funny?’ The blonde asked. The officer took a second to catch his breath then said ‘Miss, there’s no trees on this road for miles ahead. That was your car air freshener swinging back and forth!’




A minister told his congregation, ‘Next week I plan to preach
about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want
you all to read Mark 17.’

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the
minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many
had read Mark 17.

Every hand went up.

The minister smiled and said, ‘Mark has only 16 chapters. I will
now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.’



Men Are Just Happier People — What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another petrol station toilet because this one is just too icky.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress £5000. Tux rental £100.
People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time..
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about cars.
A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase…
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is £2.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on
December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier

Thanks to Leo Kennedy

Teacher’s Pet

It was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher
was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist’s son handed
her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, ‘I bet I
know what it is. Some flowers.’ ‘That’s right’ the boy said,
‘but how did you know?’ ‘Oh, just a wild guess,’ she said.

The next pupil was the candy shop owner’s daughter. The teacher
held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, ‘I bet I can guess
what it is. A box of sweets.’ ‘That’s right, but how did you
know?’ asked the girl. ‘Oh, just a wild guess,’ said the

The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The
teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She
touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to
her tongue. ‘Is it wine?’ she asked. ‘No,’ the boy replied, with
some excitement.

The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the
leakage to her tongue. ‘Is it champagne?’ she asked. ‘No,’ the
boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more
taste before declaring, ‘I give up, what is it?’ With great
glee, the boy replied, ‘It’s a puppy!’


Nor a Happy Boater

A man wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept saying
that they could not afford one, but he bought one anyway.

‘I’ll tell you what,’ he told her. ‘In the spirit of compromise,
why don’t you name the boat?’ Being a good sport, she accepted.

When the man went to the dock for the maiden voyage, this is the
name he saw painted on the side: ‘For Sale.’