THE SASH Thursday October 14th 2010
The Weekly Online Newsletter of Sarsfields GAA Club.
Alan Barry’s Appeal Successful.
Sarsfields Fixtures.
Saturday 16th October
Under 15 Girls Football League Semi Final TBC
Sarsfields v TBC 11.30am
Intermediate Hurling League Semi Final Clane
Sarsfields v Ardclough 2pm
Pfizer Senior Football Relegation Final Pitch 1
Clane v Ellistown 2pm
Under 9 Boys Football League 2.30pm
Sarsfields v Leixlip Leixlip
Sarsfields v Naas Naas
Under 11 Boys Football League 3pm
Sarsfields v Kilcock Pitch 3
Sarsfields v Naas Naas
Sunday 17th October Sun
Under 15 Boys Football League Kilcock
Sarsfields v Kilcock 11am
Under 11 Girls Football League Pitch 3
Sarsfields v Na Fianna 11am
Pfizer Kildare Senior Football Championship Final St Conleths Park
Sarsfields v Moorefield
3.30pm
Underage News.
Thanks to Aoife Whelan, Paul English, Roisin Byrne and Claire Fox who coached the Girls academy last Saturday. Roisin Byrne to the Girls academy on a full time basis. With over 20 girls in attendance and with the excellent support of Roisin and Claire, Aoife was able to commence the long road to bringing this group to competitive football. In the U13A Ladies Division Sarsfields 5-9 to 2-2 win over Kildangan/Nurney. Mark Coffey and Paul Kenny have been appointed the U5 coaching team. Both Mark and Paul will be supporting Enda and Michael as this team advances into next years U6 squad. However this team requires more coaches, so please follow Mark and Pauls lead and volunteer to join this team. While the U5’s will form next years U6’s this leaves Robbie Byrne to take responsibility of next years U5’s. Robbie brings a wealth of experience having recently retired from Senior football playing in Dublin. However Robbie will require 4 to 5 parents/coaches to start developing this new intake. The shop has been restocked and parents are encouraged to purchase the Sarsfields gear for their children, are requested to wear it to all training sessions and matches especially for Sunday’s County Final. The Sarsfields underage academy provides complimentary tea & coffee in the club every Saturday. There will be a coaching course in Rathcoffey GAA club in October for mentors of U13 teams and younger who already have a foundation level course completed. Places are limited to 24 people and there will be a charge of €50 per person. If Interested Contact John Holden on 087 2872208. For the month of September U13 Hurling training is on Thursdays at 6.00pm and Saturdays at 11.30am. New members always welcome. For more information contact Kieran Galvin 087 7427549.
2010 International Rules Team Announced.
Anthony Tohill, Team Manager of the 2010 Ireland International Rules team, today (14th of October 2010) announced his squad for the 2010 Irish Daily Mail International Rules Series at a media briefing in Croke Park.
It is as follows:
Captain: Steven McDonnell Armagh
Vice Captain: Finian Hanley Galway
Colm Begley Laois
Bernard Brogan Dublin
Graham Canty Cork
Seán Cavanagh Tyrone
Martin Clarke Down
Stephen Cluxton Dublin
Brendan Donaghy Armagh
Leighton Glynn Wicklow
Daniel Goulding Cork
James Kavanagh Kildare
Paddy Keenan Louth
Tadhg Kennelly Kerry
Seán McDermott Roscommon
Ciarán McKeever Armagh
Kevin McKernan Down
Brendan Murphy Carlow
Michael Murphy Donegal
Kevin Reilly Meath
Michael Shields Cork
Tommy Walsh Kerry
Standby Players
Emmet Bolton Kildare
Gary Brennan Clare
Gary Connaughton Westmeath
Benny Coulter Down
Eamonn Fennell Dublin
Johnny McCarthy Limerick
Niall McNamee Offaly
Club Membership Discount Scheme
Sarsfields members can avail of a 10% discount when they show their membership cards while shopping at the following businesses that are participants of the Club Membership Discount Card Scheme.
Acupuncture and Sports Therapy – Gerry Loftus 16 lower Eyre Street.
Amazon Beauty Salon, Ballymany Shopping Centre, Newbridge
An Chistin Restaurant, George’s St, Newbridge
Attic Storage, Industrial Estate, Newbridge.
Biodental Dental Laboratory, Middle Eyre Street
Blooms Florist, Henry Street , Newbridger
Champions Sports, Whitewater, Shopping Centre
Chat & Chew , Café Edward St. Newbridge.
Chicken America Restaurant, Edward St Newbridge.
Clarke’s Menswear, Edward St, Newbridge
Cosgorve’s Pharmacy., Edward Sy Newbridge.
Curraghr Race Course.
Ecocraft, Environmental Building, Clongorey, Newbridge.
Edward Harrigans, pub and Restaurant. Main Street.
Enigma Design Homeware & Gifts, Tarmel Centre
Fallons Bar & Café Main Street, Kilcullen
Farrell & Nephew Gift & Bookshop, Main Street, Newbridge.
Fitzsimons Finance, Cutlery Road, Newbridge.
Hokey Pokey Café, Charlotte Street, Newbridge.
Jardin Royale , Chinese Restaurant, Main Street, Newbridge
Jean’s Jewellers & Giftware, Henry Stret.
Joe Kelly Barber, George’s Street.
Kildare Tyres & Batteries, Cutlery Road, Newbridge.
LHW Insurances Group, 57/58/George’s Street Dun Laoghaire.
Lilywhite Print, Eyre Street, Newbridge.
Maginn Electrical, Curragh Camp.
Marty’s Cabs, Main Street Newbridge.
Michael Murphy Furniture, Edward Street, Newbridge.
Moores Builders Providers, Cutlery Road.
Newbridge Hire Service, Newbridge Industrial Estate.
Newbridge Van Rental, Newhall, Naas.
Newbridge Nutrition, Eyre Street.
O’Leary Shoes, Dunnes Stores, Newbridge
O’Reilly Pharmacy, Curragh Grange, Newbridge.
Owen Baker, Menswear, Charlotte Street, Newbridge.
Paul’s Riverside Restaurant, Market Square, Kilcullen.
Red Lane Driving Range, Red Lane , Newbridge.
Reflections Boutique, Moorefield Road, Newbridge.
Riozzi’s Take Away, Eyre Street.
Robbie’s Butchers, Highfield, Newbridge.
Sheehy Motors, Newbridge Road, Naas.
Stevenson’s Home Décor, Ballymany Shoppinf Centre, Newbridge.
Swift’s Bar and Restaurant, Main Street, Newbridge.
Tarmel Laundry & Dry Cleaners, Cutlery Road, Newbridge.
The Fabric Library, Kildaara Industrial Estate, Newbridge.
The Good Food Gallery, Carnalway, Kilcullen.
The Kiosk Florists, Main Street, Newbridge.
Tom Malone Butchers, Charlotte Street, Newbridge
Top Twenty, Dunnes Stores Shopping Centre.
WE Fit Tyre & Exhaust Centre, Newbridge Industrial Estate.
Whitewater Café Club, Edward Street, Newbridge.
Whyte Melia Electrical, 882, Piercetown, Newbridge.
Sasrsfields On Facebook
Sarsfields now have 560 Fans on Facebook.
Sarsfields now has a Facebook Page where all sections can now post information directly relating to games, results events and photos etc. In addition there is a discussion forum. Link to Sarsfields Facebook page can be found by scrolling down the home page of the Sarsfields website or by Googling Sarsfields GAA Facebook.
More Stupid Quotes.
‘I am a believer in knowing what you are doing before you
apply for a job.’
– US President Barack Obama when asked in 2004 why he would
never run for president.
‘America needs a military where our breast and
brightest are proud to serve.’
– George W. Bush
True Story
Seven Short funny true stories
1) An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope’s visit. Instead of the desired ‘I Saw the Pope’ in Spanish, the shirts proclaimed ‘I Saw the Potato. ‘
2) In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated the name into Schweppes Toilet Water.
3) In Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan ‘finger-lickin’ good’ came out as ‘eat your fingers off. ‘
4) Ford had a problem naming a car in Brazil when the Pinto flopped. The company found out that Pinto was Brazilian slang for ‘tiny male genitals’. Ford pried all the nameplates off and substituted Corcel, which means horse.
5) When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to say, ‘It won’t leak in your pocket and embarrass you. ‘ However, the company mistakenly thought the Spanish word ’embarazar’ meant embarrass. Instead the ads said, ‘It wont leak in your pocket and make you pregnant. ‘
6) The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means, ‘bite the wax tadpole’ or ‘female horse stuffed with wax’ depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, ‘ko-kou-ko-le,’ which can be loosely translated as ‘happiness in the mouth. ‘
7) To even it up Will and Guy found this one from Coca Colas rival.
In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan ‘Come alive with the Pepsi Generation’ came out as ‘Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead. ‘
True Story 2: Football Fiascos
An edition of Observer Sport Monthly featured a small item about a Moroccan parachutist. The one who, at the opening ceremony for the 1988 African Nations Cup in Casablanca, watched by royalty and the most important men in world football, delayed kick-off by missing the pitch and getting tangled up in the floodlights, where he hung upside down for 45 minutes.
During the last Nations Cup in Mali two years ago, there was a full-scale punch-up on the pitch, involving a Cameroon coach and Malian soldiers. The coach, a former World Cup goalkeeper, had placed a charm in the Mali net. Witchcraft, juju, call it what you like.
True Story 3; Allegedly.
There’s no fury like a woman scorned!
On the first day Margo packed all her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, Margo sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each an every room and deposited few half-eaten anchovies dipped in caviar down the curtain rods.
When Margo’s husband Ralph returned with his new girlfriend Tracey, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything, cleaning, mopping, and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.
Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting…..Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, Ralph and Tracey could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place. Then Margo called Ralph, and asked how things were going and he told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, Ralph agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later Ralph and Tracey stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home – including the curtain rods!
Humour
Safety at the Workplace
1) A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in Boston, Massachusetts, but by the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain.
2) Safety is a major concern at the manufacturing company where I work. So I’m constantly preaching caution to the workers I supervise. ‘Does anyone know,’ I asked a few guys, ‘what the speed limit is in our parking lot?’
The long silence that followed was interrupted when one of them piped up. ‘That depends. Do you mean coming to work or leaving?’
3) Safety Managers: persons who write a 10,000 word document and call it a brief – Franz Kafka
4) What do you get if you put 100 Safety Managers in your basement? – A whine cellar
5) Two workmen were digging foundations when one of them started shouting and jumping about . The other one thought his partner had hit an underground power cable and was being electrocuted so following good health and safety practice used a shovel to separate him from the electricity.
Luckily for the first worker he wasn’t getting an electric shock but was panicking after a wasp had flown up his trousers. Luckily he didn’t get stung but the second worker hit him so hard with the shovel that his shoulder was dislocated.
6) A police ‘safety officer’ was visiting a primary school in a particularly rough area of Manchester, England.
‘Why shouldn’t you touch the oven door or the kettle?’ he asked the assembled class.
A young girls hand shot into the air. ‘Because you might leave fingerprints,’ she answered.
7) A crowd gathered around at a woodworking trade show held at Fort Purbrook, Portsmouth and were watching a sales demonstration.
The demonstrator had an ordinary saw next to another which had a saw stopping safety device. He showed how each might work when it hit an operator’s finger.
For simulation purposes he used a sausage as a substitute. Intrigued, a curious spectator stepped up for a closer look and was struck in the eye by a flying piece of debris.
The Half Wit
A man owned a small farm in Manitoba . The Internal Revenue Service determined he was not paying proper wages to his staff, and sent an investigator out to interview him.
‘I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them!’, demanded the investigator.
‘Well,’ replied the farmer, ‘there’s my farm hand who’s been with me for three years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.
‘The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board.’
‘Then there’s the halfwit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 a week. He pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of whiskey every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.’
‘That’s the guy I want to talk to …the halfwit!’ said the agent.
‘That would be me,’ replied the farmer.
Notes left in milk bottles in Scotland
Dear milkman-I’ve just had a baby-please leave another one.
Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk.
Please don’t leave any more milk. All they do is drink it.
Milkman, please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk.
Sorry not to have paid your bill before but my wife had a baby and I’ve been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks.
Sorry about yesterdays note. I didn’t mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way around.
When you leave the milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress.
My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle.
From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don’t want any milk.
Cancel one pint after the day after today.
My back door is open. Please put milk in fridge-get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on the kitchen table in pence because we want to play bingo tonight.
Please leave no milk today. When I say today– I mean tomorrow for I wrote this note yesterday.
When you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let the dog out and put newspaper inside screen door. PS-don’t leave any milk.
No milk. Please do not leave milk at No.14 either as he is dead until further notice.
Thanks to Leo Kennedy for the above.
Tuning Up
Arnold and his wife Florrie were walking across Southsea Common one Sunday afternoon. In the bandstand the combo was playing a catchy sounding tune, and Florrie said, ‘I wonder what the name of that tune is.’
Arnold noticed that there was a sign posted near the bandstand and said, ‘It looks like they post the titles of the tunes they play. I’ll go down and see.’
A while later Arnold returned and said to Florrie, ‘It’s one I don’t know, it’s called ‘The Refrain from Spitting’.’
Passing the Ball
The huge college freshman decided to try out for the
football team. ‘Can you tackle?’ asked the coach.
‘Watch this,’ said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack
into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters.
‘Wow,’ said the coach. ‘I’m impressed. Can you run?’
‘Of course I can run,’ said the freshman. He was off like a
shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred
yard dash.
‘Great!’ enthused the coach. ‘But can you pass a football?’
The freshman hesitated for a few seconds. ‘Well, sir,’ he
said, ‘if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it.’
True Love Never Does Run Smoothly
Brian had asked Dave to help him out with cutting his rather large garden hedge after work, so Dave went straight over to Brian’s home. When they got to the front door, Brian went straight up to his wife, gave her a big hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her excellent cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her.
Once they were cutting the privet, Dave told Brian that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Brian said that he’d started this about six months ago, it had revived their marriage, and things couldn’t be better. Dave thought he’d give it a go.
When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears. Dave was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, ‘This is the worst day of my week. First, little Nigel fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!’
