Sarsfields Newsletter

THE SASH Thursday September 2nd 2010

The Weekly Online Newsletter of Sarsfields GAA Club.     

Sarsfields win Jack Higgins for a record third time

Sarsfields 1-12 Straffan 0-9

On Saturday last Niall O’Callaghan made history by becoming the third Sarsfields captain to lift the Jack Higgins Cup. In Sarsfields’ previous win in 1994 Niall’s uncle Dinny was captain.

Sarsfields easily saw off Straffan to get their hands on the Jack Higgins Cup in Naas on Saturday afternoon. While the Sash  had six points to spare Straffan in reality the gap in quality was much bigger between the two teams. Sarsfields never had any anxious moments with Straffan never able to put up any real resistance to the Sash dominance.
 Sarsfields came out of the traps flying and after 15 minutes had raced into a 0-4 to 0-0 lead, three of which were close range frees by Declan McKenna.. Straffan eventually got on the scoreboard in the 18th minute when Andy O’Neill raised a white flag. Straffan continued to improve from their poor start and reduced the deficit to a single point in the 23rd minute after 2 converted frees from Andy O’Neill and Austin Allen.. Sarsfields replied with four successive points before halftime with a solitary reply from Straffan’s Scott Neville leaving Sarsfields 0-8 to 0-4 ahead at the break.
 Sarsfields made light work of Straffan in the second half and within a minute of the restart Conor Tiernan scored twice to put the Sash 6 points clear. When Declan McKenna after an excellent pass from Mick Beegan  scored the only goal of the game in the 34th minute to stretch Sarsfields lead 1-10 to 0-4 the game was over as a contest. Sarsfields added another before Straffan managed to open their second half  account with a point in the 41st minute. In the last 20 minutes Straffan hit a purple patch outscoring Sarsfields by 4 points to 1. Their comeback was spearheaded by Austin Allen  but in the end the Sash had enough quality to hold out for a comfortable victory.
Sarsfields Keith Hedderman, Keith Brown, Niall O’Callaghan (Capt), David Cash , Joe Buckley(0-1) Niall Hedderman, Ciaran Carey, Ciaran Dempsey, Mick Beegan, Conor Tiernan(0-2), Eoin O’Sullivan, Mattie Byrne, Declan McKenna (1-5),John Walsh (0-2) John Connolly(0-2)

Latest Results.   
Senior Reserve A Football Championship  QF  Naas  Sarsfields  3:12  Maynooth  2:05  

Under 13 Boys Football League  rd 1 Sarsfields  Sarsfields  1:07  Eadestown  1:02
Senior Reserve B Football Championship  Of  Raheens  Sarsfields   3-16 Ballyteague   0-5

Sash Girls Retain Division 1 Status
 Congratulations to the Senior Ladies on their fantastic win over Grange 3-10 to 0-8, which ensures that they retain their Division status for next season

 Kildare Senior Championship Schedule

Leinster GAA News
 
Croke Park has become the first Heartsafe Stadium in Ireland in
recognition of the level of care provided by the GAA and the
facilities at the stadium.

The Heartsafe Community Programme is an Irish Heart Foundation
initiative, launched by President Mary McAleese in March 2005, which
aims to encourage all communities to strengthen every link in the
‘Chain of Survival’ in their community.

Uachtarán Chumann Lúthchleas Gael Criostóir Ó Cuana congratulated all
involved in helping Croke Park to gain a standard that underlines the
top class facilities available at the stadium.

He said: ‘We take our responsibilities in this area very seriously and
I am delighted to acknowledge the fact that Páirc an Chrócaigh is the
first stadium in the country to be awarded this accolade.

‘We promote best practice in this area, not just here at Croke Park
but across all levels of the Association and we ask all our units to
be mindful of the role they can play in raising awareness of the
threat to heart disease amongst our members and the wider public.’

The certification of Croke Park as Ireland’s first Heartsafe Stadium
forms part of the Association’s efforts to increase resources and
awareness in the area of cardiac survival.

Michael O’Shea, Chief Executive, Irish Heart Foundation added: ‘The
GAA has shown great initiative already by providing AEDs at every
county training ground and by encouraging every club to purchase the
instruments. But today marks the first time a national stadium has won
the Heartsafe Award. We hope all sports clubs around the country,
national and local, will follow the Croke Park example to become
Heartsafe.’

Since 2007 the GAA have sold approximately 800 defibrillators to clubs
throughout Ireland that has seen thousands of people of all ages
trained in the effective use of defibrillators.

In addition in January this year all inter-county referees were also
trained in the use of defibrillators. The GAA’s Medical, Scientific
and Welfare Committee are committed to further efforts in this area
and welcome this award to Croke Park.

The ‘Chain of Survival’ concept as devised by the Irish Heart
Foundation comprises four vital links that can save a life: Early
Access, Early Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation, Early Defibrillation and
Early Advanced Care.

Cardiovascular disease is Ireland’s biggest killer disease with over
10,000 deaths each year. Some 5,000 of these fatalities are from
sudden cardiac arrest and, as 70% of these occur out of hospital, it
is imperative that communities, schools and businesses are equipped
and prepared to respond. The current survival rate from an
out-of-hospital cardiac arrest in Ireland is as low as 1%.

New Sarsfields Website
The new Sarsfields Website is now online. Each section of the club will have their own area within the site. Thanks to Colm Harrington for all his work on the new site.

Sarsfields Managers required.

Under 21 Football Manager 2010
Anybody interested in the above position must contact
Club Secretary John Holden
before Sunday September 12th 2010
Tel: 087 2872208
email: sarssec@gmail.com

Under 16 Boys Football Manager 2011
Anybody interested in the above position must contact
Club Secretary John Holden
before Sunday September 12th 2010
Tel: 087 2872208
email: sarssec@gmail.com

Club Membership Discount Scheme

Sarsfields members can avail of a 10% discount when they show their membership cards while shopping at the following businesses that are participants of the Club Membership Discount Card Scheme.
Acupuncture and Sports Therapy – Gerry Loftus 16 lower Eyre Street.
Amazon Beauty Salon, Ballymany Shopping Centre, Newbridge
An Chistin Restaurant, George’s St, Newbridge
Attic Storage, Industrial Estate, Newbridge.
Biodental Dental Laboratory, Middle Eyre Street
Blooms Florist, Henry Street , Newbridger
Champions Sports, Whitewater, Shopping Centre
Chat & Chew , Café Edward St. Newbridge.
Chicken America Restaurant, Edward St Newbridge.
Clarke’s Menswear, Edward St, Newbridge
Cosgorve’s Pharmacy., Edward Sy Newbridge.
Curraghr Race Course.
Ecocraft, Environmental Building, Clongorey, Newbridge.
Edward Harrigans, pub and Restaurant. Main Street.
Enigma Design Homeware & Gifts, Tarmel Centre
Fallons Bar & Café Main Street, Kilcullen
Farrell & Nephew Gift & Bookshop, Main Street, Newbridge.
Fitzsimons Finance, Cutlery Road, Newbridge.
Hokey Pokey Café, Charlotte Street, Newbridge.
Jardin Royale , Chinese Restaurant, Main Street, Newbridge
Jean’s Jewellers  & Giftware, Henry Stret.
Joe Kelly Barber, George’s Street.
Kildare Tyres & Batteries, Cutlery Road, Newbridge.
LHW Insurances Group, 57/58/George’s Street Dun Laoghaire.
Lilywhite Print, Eyre Street, Newbridge.
Maginn Electrical, Curragh Camp.
Marty’s Cabs, Main Street Newbridge.
Michael Murphy Furniture, Edward Street, Newbridge.
Moores Builders Providers, Cutlery Road.
Newbridge Hire Service, Newbridge Industrial Estate.
Newbridge Van Rental, Newhall, Naas.
Newbridge Nutrition, Eyre Street.
O’Leary Shoes, Dunnes Stores, Newbridge
O’Reilly Pharmacy, Curragh Grange, Newbridge.
Owen Baker, Menswear, Charlotte Street, Newbridge.
Paul’s Riverside Restaurant, Market Square, Kilcullen.
Red Lane Driving Range, Red Lane , Newbridge.
Reflections Boutique, Moorefield Road, Newbridge.
Riozzi’s Take Away, Eyre Street.
Robbie’s Butchers, Highfield, Newbridge.
Sheehy Motors, Newbridge Road, Naas.
Stevenson’s Home Décor, Ballymany Shoppinf Centre, Newbridge.
Swift’s Bar  and Restaurant, Main Street, Newbridge.
Tarmel Laundry & Dry Cleaners, Cutlery Road, Newbridge.
The Fabric Library, Kildaara Industrial Estate, Newbridge.
The Good Food Gallery, Carnalway, Kilcullen.
The Kiosk Florists, Main Street, Newbridge.
Tom Malone Butchers, Charlotte Street, Newbridge
Top Twenty, Dunnes Stores Shopping Centre.
WE Fit Tyre & Exhaust Centre, Newbridge Industrial Estate.
Whitewater Café Club, Edward Street, Newbridge.
Whyte Melia Electrical, 882, Piercetown, Newbridge.

Sasrsfields On Facebook
Sarsfields now have 460 Fans on Facebook.
Sarsfields now has a Facebook Page where all sections can now post information directly relating to games, results events and photos etc. In addition there is a discussion forum. Link to Sarsfields  Facebook page can be found by scrolling down the home page of the Sarsfields website or by Googling Sarsfields GAA Facebook.

More Stupid Quotes.  

‘These people haven’t seen the last of my face. If I go
down, I’m going down standing up.’
– Chuck Person, NBA Basketball player 

‘I don’t want to make movies for kids, and I don’t want to
 make movies for adults.’
– Kristen Stewart… SO who does she want to make movies
  for?

‘During the scrimmage, Tarkanian paced the sideline with his
 hands in his pockets while biting his nails.’
– AP report describing Fresno State basketball coach Jerry
Tarkanian

It’s really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if
the other person is not going to allow me to be with other
people.
– Singer Axel Rose 

I hope my child will be a good Catholic like me.’
– Singer Madonna 

‘I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don’t
know into what religion yet.’
– Soccer player David Beckham

Odd/Strange/Bizarre Story’s 

Twin Brothers Killed On Same Road

Two brothers, aged 71, were killed on the same day and on
the same road two hours apart in Helsinki, Finland.  Both
were killed in an identical bike accident that was only two
hours apart.  ‘This is simply a historic coincidence.
Although the road is a busy one, accidents don’t occur every
day,’ police officer Marja-Leena Huhtala said.  One of the
twins was killed by a truck which hit the man early on
Tuesday morning in Finland.  The other twin was killed
approximately two hours later also by a truck while he was
riding his bicycle a half a mile down the road.

A camera mounted to a police helicopter in
Ohio fell off mid-flight, striking at least three vehicles
in a parking lot.

No one on the ground was hurt when the infrared camera
valued at roughly $100,000 came crashing down around noon
Wednesday in Columbus. One vehicle was heavily damaged.

At the time the chopper dropped its accidental bomb, the
helicopter was being used in the search for a missing woman.

Police Sgt. Richard Weiner (WY’-nur) says the camera had
been reinstalled on the chopper before it took off.

True Story 

A practical joker in Massachusetts has
taken advantage of recent shark sightings and caused a scare
with a fake fin.

Police say about 50 people were drawn to a Somerset, Mass.,
cove on Wednesday night after someone reported seeing a
shark fin in the water. Police tell the Herald News of Fall
River that several 911 calls came in to Somerset and Swansea
police.

Responding officers soon realized that the ‘shark’ was just
a piece of Styrofoam cut into a fin shape, wrapped in gray
duct tape and weighted down.

There was no word on who pulled the prank.

Several Massachusetts beaches have been closed this summer
after shark sightings. Police cautioned that the joke could
have caused a problem had there been a real emergency call.

True Story 2

 Burglar Losers

 The World Stops for Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones – Nearly

Mirna Ivanovic from Dubrovnik in Croatia is this week’s ‘Loser of the Week Award

Mirna heard a rumour that Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones, who are currently cruising the Adriatic on a luxury yacht, were walking around the streets of her home town. She immediately grabbed her camera and hot-footed it out of her office; her job was in a Bureau de Change. She forgot to lock the doors.

In the short time she was away from her work the bureau was emptied of several thousands of pound in a variety of currencies.

* Loser of the month?

A suspected burglar put in handcuffs after his arrest attacked a woman police officer and then escaped by driving off in her car. The female officer was driving the man to Slough police station when he forcibly took control of the car.

The man, one of three arrested on suspicion of burglary, dumped the car in Keel Drive about six minutes away. The suspect is described as Asian, in his mid 20s and about 5ft 8in tall. He may still be wearing handcuffs.

A police spokesperson said, ‘This is a serious incident which could have led to the officer and members of the public being seriously hurt. Thankfully, neither was injured, ‘I would appeal to anyone who knows the whereabouts of this man to contact us immediately.’

* Loser of the week – Dutch Burglar

A burglar was caught after he fell down a chimney while escaping over the roof of a house he had just broken into. Police in Maastricht, Holland, arrested the 33-year-old after being called out by the house owners who heard his calls for help. The man had tried to flee out of a roof window with his booty of cash and jewellery, but tumbled in the dark and got stuck inside the chimney. 

 
Car Losers

 Woman lets her dog drive her car

A Chinese woman has been involved in a car crash – because she let her dog drive. The accident happened in the city of Hohhot, capital of north China’s Inner Mongolia region, Xinhua news agency has reported. The woman, named only as Li, decided to let her dog drive when she noticed how he was of crouching on the wheel. She let the dog steer while she operated the accelerator and the brake. The experiment resulted almost immediately in a collision with another car.

Car Thief

A car thief who ran out of petrol in rush hour traffic was arrested after police helped him push the stolen vehicle to the side of the road reports The Moscow Times. Helpful officers in Moscow, Russia, were about to leave the scene and let Alexei Ashurin wait for breakdown services when they noticed the red 15 year old Volkswagen’s lock was broken and a screwdriver was sticking out of the ignition.

After checking the number plate, they discovered the vehicle had been stolen and that Ashurin was wanted for a string of other motoring thefts. He admitted to stealing the car and is now facing up to two years in prison if convicted. 

 Beware Dangers of Foggy Weather

Two motorists had an all too literal head on collision in heavy fog near the small town of Guetersloh, Germany. Each was guiding his car at a snail’s pace near the middle of the road because of the thick fog. At the moment of impact their heads were both out of the windows when they smacked together. Both men were hospitalised with severe head injuries. Their cars weren’t damaged at all and didn’t have a mark on them.

 Humour 

Scotsman’s complaint
A Scotsman visited London for his annual holiday and stayed
at a largehotel. However, he didn’t feel that the locals
were friendly.

‘At 5 o’clock every morning,’ he told a friend, ‘they
hammered on my bedroom door, one the walls, even on the
floor and ceiling. Heck, sometimes they hammered so loud I
could hardly hear myself playing the bagpipes.’ 

Blind Pilots

Two blind pilots were both wearing dark glasses.  One is
using a guide dog and the other is tapping his way along the
aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter  spreads through the
cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes and
the engines start up.

The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching
for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. 
None is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down 
the runway and the people sitting in the window seats
realize they’re headed straight for the water at the edge of
the airport. As it begins to look as though the plane will
plow into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin. At
that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air.

The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly and soon
all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge
that the plane is in good hands. In the cockpit, one of the
blind pilots  turns to the other and says, ‘Ya know, Bob,
one of these days, they’re gonna scream too late and we’re
all gonna die.’

Parrot Cleans Up
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The
parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and
laced with profanity.
 
John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by
consistently  saying only polite words, playing soft music
and anything else he could  think of to ‘clean up’ the
bird’s vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The
parrot  yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot
got angrier and even ruder.
 
John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird
and put him  in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot
squawked and kicked and screamed.
 
Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard
for over a minute. Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John
quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly
stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said ‘I
believe I may have offended you with my rude language
and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate
transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to
correct my  rude and unforgiv able behavior.’
 
John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude.
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a
dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, ‘May I
ask what the turkey did?’

Irish Job Interview
Murphy applied for a fork lift operator job at a famous Irish firm based in Dublin.  A Pole applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test and led to a quiet room with no interruptions by the Manager.

When the results were in, both men had scored 19 out of 20.

The manager went to Murphy and said, ‘Thank you for coming to the interview, but we’ve decided to give the Pole the job.’

Murphy, ‘And why would you be doing that?  We both got 19 questions roite. This being Ireland and me being Irish surely I should get the job.’

Manager, ‘ We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you got wrong.’

Murphy, ‘ Tell me now, and how would one incorrect answer be better than another?’

Manager, ‘ Simple. On question number 7 the Pole wrote down, ‘I don’t know.’  You put down, ‘Neither do I’.“ 

The Hotel Bill

Next time you think your hotel bill is too high, you might want to consider this:

My wife and I are traveling by car from Victoria to Prince George . Being Seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, we were too tired to continue, and decided to take a room. But, we only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When we checked out four hours later, the desk clerk handed us a bill for $350.00.

I exploded and demanded to know why the charge is so high.I told the clerk although it’s a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren’t worth $350.00 for four hours.  Then the clerk tells me that $350.00 is the ‘standard rate’. I insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to me, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for us to use.’But we didn’t use them,’ I said.”Well, they are here, and you could have,’ explained the Manager.

He went on to explain that we could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. ‘We have the best entertainers from New York , Hollywood , and Las Vegas perform here,’ the Manager says.

‘But we didn’t go to any of those shows,’ I said. ‘Well, we have them, and you could have,’ the Manager replied.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, I  replied,’But we didn’t use it!’

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually I gave up and agreed to pay.

I  wrote a check and gave it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when he looks at the cheque. ‘But sir, this check is only made out for $50.00.’ ”That’s correct. I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with my wife,’ I replied.

‘But I didn’t!’ exclaims the Manager.

I said, ‘Well, too bad,  she was here, and you could have.’ 
 

Bullish Bureaucracy 
A Texas Department of Water representative stopped at a
ranch and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher,
‘I need to inspect your ranch for your water allocation.’

The old rancher said, ‘Okay, but don’t go in that field over
there.’

The Water representative said, ‘Mister, I have the authority
of the Federal Government with me. See this card? This card
means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural
land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself
clear? Do you understand?’

The old rancher nodded politely and went about his chores.

Later, the old rancher heard loud screams and saw the Water
Rep running for the fence and close behind was the rancher’s
bull. The bull was gaining on the Water Rep with every step.

The Rep was clearly terrified, so the old rancher
immediately ran to the fence and shouted out…..

Your card! Show him your card!’