Sarsfields Newsletter

November 8, 2018

THE SASH Thursday August 26th 2010


The Weekly Online Newsletter of Sarsfields GAA Club.     



Come on the Lilies


Best Wishes to Alan Dermot and Gary and the Kildare team on Sunday against Down in the All-Ireland Semi Final.





MFC Sarsfields 1-8 Balyna 0-10


In an exciting finish to the minor quarterfinal clash between Sarsfields and Balyna on Wednesday evening last in Ballytrague Sarsfields second half substitute Killian Smith scored the winning point for Sarsfields with practically the last kick of

the game. For most of the game Sarsfields had trailed the hot favourites Balyna who had three of this year’s County minors in their side. A Michael Barrett goal for Sarsfields midway through the second half lifted the spirits of the Sarsfields youngsters and gave them the belief that they could get something from this game Barry coffey’s freetaking kept Sarsfields within striking distance of Balyna.


A great performance from Sarsfields midfield duo Dan Nea and Cormac Dillon particularly in the second half was the platform for Sarsfields victory. Cormac Dillon played a vital role in curbing the effectiveness of county minor Sean Hurley at midfield while Sarsfields full back Padraig Scully was equally effective in putting the shackle on Paul Cribbin keeping the county star scoreless. Best for Sarsfields Da Nea, Cormac Dillon, Padraig Scully, Bobby Houghton, Michael Barrett and Barry Coffey.


Sarsfields: Dan Franz, Ian Mulligan, Padraig Scully, Gavin Duane, David Hickey, Craig McLoughlin. Alan Invershan, Cormac Dillon, Dan Nea, Ronan Fitzgibbon, Barry Coffey, Con Hanrahan, Sean Begley, Bobby Houghton, Michael Purcell   


Championship Draws


In the third Round Senior Championship Sarsfields have been drawn against Clane while Moorefield have drawn 2008 County champions Celbridge.

Draws: SFC Sarsfields V Clane. MFC Semi-finals:: Sarsfields V Athy. Reserve A Championship Quarter Finals:. Sarsfields V Maynooth. Reserve B Sarsfields V Ballyteague Reserve E: Sarsfields V Confey.

Leinster GAA News
 A chara,

As part of the GAA Communications Plan we are aiming to ensure that we use the latest technology available to keep everybody updated on GAA activities and to encourage people to take part in our Association. 

The following are the latest communication developments within the GAA. 
* The official GAA iPhone App went live today 12th of August. It contains the latest GAA news, fixtures, results, venue information and videos.You can download the app for free by visiting or the iTunes App Store. This will keep all GAA members and fans up to date while they are on the move.
* Round the Square – The GAA’s online show goes out live every Thursday on during the Championship. This will preview each weekend’s games, give insights into our top GAA players, super scores, the latest news from Croke Park and a weekly competition. Round the Square is also on Facebook – GAA Round the Square. Click here to join. 
* Championship newsletter – Sign up at for the latest news on the GAA Football and Hurling All-Senior Championships which is available weekly straight to your inbox.
* Mobile version of now available. Login onto on your phone to get all the latest information.

We hope these initiatives will help to ensure that we communicate key GAA messages to all at home and abroad. If you could let all your GAA contacts know about these initiatives, it would be greatly appreciated. 

Is Mise Le Meas,


Lisa Clancy
GAA Director of Communications
GAA Communications Department


New Sarsfields Website

The new Sarsfields Website will be fully functional within the next few weeks. Each section of the club will have their own area within the site. To access it and see what you think go to the old site and when the address comes up in the address bar at the top of the screen and just type/new at the end of the Sarsfields address and press the return bar and it will take you to the new site. Thanks to Colm Harrington for all his work on the new site.

Club Membership Discount Scheme


Sarsfields members can avail of a 10% discount when they show their membership cards while shopping at the following businesses that are participants of the Club Membership Discount Card Scheme.

Acupuncture and Sports Therapy – Gerry Loftus 16 lower Eyre Street.

Amazon Beauty Salon, Ballymany Shopping Centre, Newbridge

An Chistin Restaurant, George’s St, Newbridge

Attic Storage, Industrial Estate, Newbridge.

Biodental Dental Laboratory, Middle Eyre Street

Blooms Florist, Henry Street , Newbridger

Champions Sports, Whitewater, Shopping Centre

Chat & Chew , Café Edward St. Newbridge.

Chicken America Restaurant, Edward St Newbridge.

Clarke’s Menswear, Edward St, Newbridge

Cosgorve’s Pharmacy., Edward Sy Newbridge.

Curraghr Race Course.

Ecocraft, Environmental Building, Clongorey, Newbridge.

Edward Harrigans, pub and Restaurant. Main Street.

Enigma Design Homeware & Gifts, Tarmel Centre

Fallons Bar & Café Main Street, Kilcullen

Farrell & Nephew Gift & Bookshop, Main Street, Newbridge.

Fitzsimons Finance, Cutlery Road, Newbridge.

Hokey Pokey Café, Charlotte Street, Newbridge.

Jardin Royale , Chinese Restaurant, Main Street, Newbridge

Jean’s Jewellers  & Giftware, Henry Stret.

Joe Kelly Barber, George’s Street.

Kildare Tyres & Batteries, Cutlery Road, Newbridge.

LHW Insurances Group, 57/58/George’s Street Dun Laoghaire.

Lilywhite Print, Eyre Street, Newbridge.

Maginn Electrical, Curragh Camp.

Marty’s Cabs, Main Street Newbridge.

Michael Murphy Furniture, Edward Street, Newbridge.

Moores Builders Providers, Cutlery Road.

Newbridge Hire Service, Newbridge Industrial Estate.

Newbridge Van Rental, Newhall, Naas.

Newbridge Nutrition, Eyre Street.

O’Leary Shoes, Dunnes Stores, Newbridge

O’Reilly Pharmacy, Curragh Grange, Newbridge.

Owen Baker, Menswear, Charlotte Street, Newbridge.

Paul’s Riverside Restaurant, Market Square, Kilcullen.

Red Lane Driving Range, Red Lane , Newbridge.

Reflections Boutique, Moorefield Road, Newbridge.

Riozzi’s Take Away, Eyre Street.

Robbie’s Butchers, Highfield, Newbridge.

Sheehy Motors, Newbridge Road, Naas.

Stevenson’s Home Décor, Ballymany Shoppinf Centre, Newbridge.

Swift’s Bar  and Restaurant, Main Street, Newbridge.

Tarmel Laundry & Dry Cleaners, Cutlery Road, Newbridge.

The Fabric Library, Kildaara Industrial Estate, Newbridge.

The Good Food Gallery, Carnalway, Kilcullen.

The Kiosk Florists, Main Street, Newbridge.

Tom Malone Butchers, Charlotte Street, Newbridge

Top Twenty, Dunnes Stores Shopping Centre.

WE Fit Tyre & Exhaust Centre, Newbridge Industrial Estate.

Whitewater Café Club, Edward Street, Newbridge.

Whyte Melia Electrical, 882, Piercetown, Newbridge.

Sasrsfields On Facebook 

Sarsfields now have 460 Fans on Facebook.

Sarsfields now has a Facebook Page where all sections can now post information directly relating to games, results events and photos etc. In addition there is a discussion forum. Link to Sarsfields  Facebook page can be found by scrolling down the home page of the Sarsfields website or by Googling Sarsfields GAA Facebook.





More Stupid Quotes.  



It is not discrimination to treat things differently’
-Maggie Gallagher, Head of the US National Organization for


‘I have this weird thing that if I sleep with someone
 they’re going to take my creativity from me’
– Lady Gaga 


‘I was glad to see Italy win. All the guys on the team were
– Dodger’s manager Tommy Lasorda, on the World Cup.


‘So, where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?’
Christina Aguilera


‘I’m not anorexic. I’m from Texas. Are there people from
Texas that are anorexic? I’ve never heard of one. And that
includes me.’
Singer Jessica Simpson


Odd/Strange/Bizarre Story’s 


Dizzy Heights


A 78-year-old man rode a Pittsburgh-area
roller coaster 90 times in one day, bringing his lifetime
total to 4,000 rides. Vic Kleman spent about five hours on
the Jack Rabbit roller coaster at Kennywood Park in West

The wooden coaster is no spring chicken, either. It’s
celebrating its 90th anniversary, the number that prompted
Kleman’s marathon riding session on Sunday.

The Jack Rabbit has an 85-foot, double-dip drop. Kleman says
he’s been going on it since 1959, and usually rides it about
20 times a visit.

Kleman, who lives in nearby Knoxville, Pa., is a member of
the American Coaster Enthusiasts.




True Story 


 Real Rubbish: More British Bullocracy

A man has been fined �50 for putting rubbish in a bin. Andy Tierney of Hinckley, Leicestershire was issued the fixed penalty notice for dumping two junk mail letters. Hinckley and Bosworth Council accused him of committing ‘an offence under Section 87 of the Environmental Protection Act 1990. Domestic refuse from your property was dumped into a street litter bin the fixed penalty is �50.’

The council classes letters as ‘domestic litter’, which should not be dropped in public street bins. According to BBC Radio news and The Sun, Andy said, ‘How on earth can they fine me for being tidy? It’s absolute madness. I could have easily chucked those letters on the ground, but I put them in the bin. What has happened is a joke. The council is barmy. I never thought you could be fined for putting rubbish in a bin – that’s what they’re there for.’

Andy was walking from his house to his car when his postman handed him the junk mail. He opened both letters as he strolled – then dumped them in the bin on a lamp post. Council officials traced him from the addresses on the envelopes and issued the penalty. The letter threatens Andy with further action and a conviction if he does not pay within 14 days. Andy insisted, ‘There’s absolutely no way I’m paying up. You get fined for chucking rubbish on the ground. You get fined for chucking rubbish in the bin. So what exactly are you supposed to do?’

A spokesman from the council said, ‘A fixed penalty notice is served to people who we believe have committed an offence. Our litter bins are there to keep streets tidy, as they enable the public to deposit small amounts of litter. They are not provided for household waste.’

It gets worse – the council routinely search rubbish. (Reported in the Times)
Today I can reveal the other side to the story, the council�s side. And the great thing is that it makes the council look even more fatuous than it did last Thursday when Tierney contacted his local newspaper to complain about the fine.

The council now alleges that Tierney did not deposit just two letters in the litter bin, but a whole sack of �domestic rubbish�. Tierney denies the imputation: �They�re just trying to save face. They�ve been made to look stupid, so they come up with this. Why didn�t they say that on Thursday?�

Quite; but more to the point, how did they know that this black bag full of �domestic rubbish� had been deposited by Tierney � unless, that is, they pay someone to rifle through the garbage with the sole purpose of persecuting rubbish-placement transgressors? Well, of course, on cross-examination it transpires that this is exactly what they spend your council tax on. Rubbish placement transgressor inspectors.

�If we find a black bin bag in a litter bin, we will sift through the rubbish and attempt to identify who put it there,� a council employee told me, with great patience, as if this were a perfectly reasonable thing to do. �A refuse disposal man will identify a black bag and then report it to his supervisor and a decision will be made to examine the contents of the bag and, upon identifying the miscreant, issue a fixed penalty notice.� You couldn�t make this up and, luckily, I didn�t have to.

There are other eternally vigilant people employed by Hinckley and Bosworth borough council whose job it is to persecute the residents who pay their wages. These are called neighbourhood wardens � �the eyes and ears of the local community�, according to the council spokeswoman.

It was one of these individuals who espied Tierney putting some litter in a bin and quickly filed a report. So they have people paid to walk the streets and make sure you don�t put letters in a litter bin and other people employed to sift through your rubbish and fine you if you do. Possibly people like you and I, possibly weird people whom you would not wish to sit next to at dinner.

The average council tax charge in Hinckley and Bosworth is �1,242.97 a year. Council tax charges have risen by about 100% nationally over the past decade. This is a small price for such extraordinary vigilance, such devotion to the cause. Quite what the cause is remains a mystery.





True Story 2


Ten Newspaper Mistakes to Do With Medicine

1) The Sunday Times explanation for the extinction of the dinosaurs :- The extinction may well have occurred when a steroid hit the Earth.

2) Another newspaper misprint :- The Welsh international had to withdraw when the cut turned sceptic.

3) From a Sunday newspaper :- The surgeon said he’d removed my momentum – the funny apron of fat that covers the intestines.� [The omentum is the medical name for the sheet of fat that covers abdominal organs.]

4) From an article on stomach trouble :- Doctors are beginning to accept that stomach ulcers are infectious. They are caused by a bug called Helicopter. [Real name Helicobacter pylori.]

5) The Worksop Bugle recently carried a news report about a chap who’d happily ‘recovered from a tuna of the kidney’. [Salad days ahead?]

6) An excerpt from ‘Pulse’ magazine :- If we are over-diagnosing asthma, then we must be under-diagnosing the other causes of nocturnal cough, such as post-natal drip. [Slip of the ‘s’, post-nasal drip.]

7) From a national newspaper :- Cutting down on fats reduces the risk of heart disease. Try to choose unsaturated fats, which are found in red meat, milk, cheese, coconut oil, palm oil and butter …….. [Most of those contain SATURATED fats which would CAUSE a heart attack.]

8) A transplant surgeon has called for a ban on ‘kidneys-for-ale’ operations.

9) From the South Wales Evening Post :- Cash plea to aid dyslexic cildren.

10) An interesting health tip from Q magazine :- In America you can buy melatonin as a vitamin supplement.� It is a hormone that your penile gland secretes when it gets dark. [Actually, melatonin is produced by the pineal gland




Hereees’s Johnny

One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard.
The next-door neighbour spotted him and decided to

‘Hello Johnny , what are you up to?’ he asked.

‘My goldfish died and I’m gonna bury him,’ Johnny replied.

‘That’s a really big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?’ asked
the neighbor.

‘That’s because he’s inside your cat,’ replied Johnny.


‘Man of the House.’


The husband had just finished reading the book ‘Man of the House.’

He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife, pointing a finger in her face, he said,

‘From now on I want you to know that I am the man of the house and my word is law.  I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished eating my meal, I expect a scrumptious dessert.  Then, after dinner, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax.  And when I’m finished with my bath, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?

His wife replies, ‘The funeral director would be my guess.’

Thanks to Leo Kennedy for the following

If you are 30, or older, you might think this is hilarious!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning…. Uphill… Barefoot… BOTH ways. yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they’ve got it!

But now that I’m over the ripe old age of thirty, I can’t help but look around and notice the youth of today.  You’ve got it so easy!  I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!
And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don’t know how good you’ve got it!


I mean, when I was a kid we didn’t have the Internet.  If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves..


There was no email!!  We had to actually write somebody a letter – with a pen!
  Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there!  

Child Protective Services didn’t care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!


There were no MP3’s or Napsters or iTunes!  If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!


Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and fuck it all up!  There were no CD players!  We had tape decks in our car.  We’d play our favorite tape and ‘eject’ it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless.  Cause, hey, that’s how we rolled, Baby!  Dig?


We didn’t have fancy crap like Call Waiting!  If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that’s it!


There weren’t any freakin’ mobile phones either. If you left the house, you just didn’t make a damn call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your ‘friends’. OH MY GOD !!!  Think of the horror… Not being in touch with someone 24/7!!!  And then there’s TEXTING.  Yeah, right.  Please!  You kids have no idea how annoying you are.

And we didn’t have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was!  It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent… You just didn’t know!!!  You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn’t have any fancy Play Station or Xbox games with high-resolution 3-D graphics!  We
had the Atari 2600!  With games like ‘Space Invaders’ and ‘Asteroids’.  Your screen guy was a little square!  You actually had to use your imagination!!!  And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen… Forever!  And you could never win.  The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died!  Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing!  You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!!  NO REMOTES!!!  Oh, no, what’s the world coming to?!?!


There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning.  Do you hear what I’m saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-finks!

And we didn’t have microwaves.  If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove!  Imagine that!

And our parents told us to stay outside and play… All day long.  Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort.  And if you came back inside… You were doing chores!
And car seats – oh, please!  Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on.  If you were luckily, you got the ‘safety arm’ across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling ‘shot gun’ in the first place!  

See!  That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You’re spoiled rotten!  You guys wouldn’t have lasted five minutes back in 1980
or any time before!

The Over 30 Crowd





Patrick’s pregnant sister was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep coma.  After being in the coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant.

Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.     

The doctor replies, ‘Ma’am, you had twins
… a boy and a girl. The babies are fine, however, they were poorly at birth,
and had to be christened immediately so your brother Patrick came in and named them. 

The woman thinks to herself, ‘ Oh suffering Jesus, no, not me brother, he’s a clueless idiot

Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor,’ Well, what’s my daughter’s name?                                           
Denise’ says the doctor.

The new mother is somewhat relieved, ‘Wow, that’s a beautiful name, I guess I was wrong about my brother’, she thought …’I really like Denise ‘
 Then she asks, ‘ What’s the boy’s name?’

 The doctor replies ‘ Denephew ‘


Doctors Advice


Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.  Is this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it… Don’t waste on exercise.  Everything wear out eventually.  Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster.  Want to live longer?  Take nap.  

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A:  No, not at all.  Wine made from fruit.  Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way  Beer also made of grain.  Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one.  If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can’t think of single one, sorry.  My philosophy is: No pain…good!
Q:  Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A:  YOU NOT LISTENING!  Food are fried these day in vegetable oil.  In fact, they permeated by it.  How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?  

:  Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not!  When you exercise muscle, it get bigger.  You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.  

Q:  Is chocolate bad for me?  

A:  Are you crazy?!?  HEL-LO-O!!  Cocoa bean!  Another vegetable!  It best feel-good food around!

Q:  Is swimming good for your figure?  

A:  If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..

Q:  Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?  

A:  Hey!  ‘Round’ is shape!  

Well… I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming ‘WOO-HOO, what a ride!!’


For  those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health  It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.  

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans..  

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.