Sarsfields Newsletter

November 8, 2018

THE SASH  Thursday December 17th 2009


The Weekly Online Newsletter of Sarsfields GAA Club.     




Leinster GAA News
Canning finds form as Stars rise to occasion

By Martin Breheny

THE result may look choreographed to maximise the exhibition dimension
 but it actually wasn’t.

It just happened that way at the end of a lively hour’s hurling more
than 6,000 miles away from Croke Park.

The hurling All Stars clash in Hurlingham, Buenos Aires didn’t exactly
challenge this year’s All-Ireland final in terms of endeavour and
intensity, but it still rattled along at a decent pace which made it far
more interesting than many of its predecessors over the years.

It was the second visit by the hurling All Stars to Buenos Aires this
decade and, once again, they bonded with the locals — both Irish and
Argentinian — and delivered yet another fine ambassadorial performance
for the great game.

Hurling was quite popular in Buenos Aires up to the Second World War, at
which stage it became impossible to import hurleys into the country. The
game fizzled out from there on but has made a comeback over the last
decade and while it’s still not played in a competitive manner, it’s
part of the recreational life of a growing number of people of Irish


Over 1,000 people — including the Irish ambassador to Argentina,
Philomena Murnaghan — turned out on Saturday evening for a game which
because of injuries to various players, became a 13-a-side affair. That
turned out to be a good idea, since the game was played on a rugby pitch
which obviously has smaller dimensions than a standard GAA pitch.

It was all about showcasing the huge array of skills available to both
sides and the players certainly rose to the occasion. Joe Canning
mesmerised the crowd with one of his trademark points from a line ball
in the second half while the skill of Tommy Walsh, Tony Browne, Lar
Corbett and Alan McCrabbe also shone through on a bright, warm evening.

Canning’s side-line point was the ultimate in delicate finishing. He
hardly seemed to make contact with the ball, yet it sailed high and
straight over the bar. In fact, it was still rising as it whizzed
between the posts. Even his brother, Ollie, who was playing against him,
had to admire the beauty of it all.

Goalkeepers PJ Ryan and Brendan Cummins also excelled with a string of
fine saves, many from close-range shots. Cummins was one of three
survivors (Tipperary team-mate Eoin Kelly and Kilkenny’s JJ Delaney were
the others) from the last tour to Buenos Aires in 2002 when he also
turned in a superb performance. Clearly, he has lost none of his agility
or reflexes in the interim.

The ’09 All Stars made the early running with goals from Corbett and
Michael Rice helping them to a 2-7 to 1-3 lead after 20 minutes and
while the ’08 side rallied they were still five points down at the break
(2-9 to 1-7).

Goals by McCrabbe and John Mullane put the ’09 side 4-12 to 2-11 clear
seven minutes from the end, by which stage manager of the ’09 side, Liam
Sheedy, must have thought that he was finally about to get the better of
Brian Cody — albeit in circumstances of absolutely no importance in
terms of the great rivalry which has built up between the pair.

Stung by the seven-point deficit, the ’08 team organised themselves for
a big finish and goals from Joe Canning and Eoin McGrath brought them
right back before Cathal Naughton fired over the levelling point.

Interestingly, football referee Marty Duffy took charge for the final 10
minutes as Diarmuid Kirwan sportingly handed over the whistle to the
Sligo man, who can now boast of having refereed in both codes this year.

As for the overall event, it certainly passed the test of providing the
GAA with an opportunity to show off its games around the world.

‘It’s important that we do that as much as possible. When you see what
the GAA still means to so many people — some of whom have never even
been to Ireland — in a place like Buenos Aires it brings home to us the
importance of our association as a reference point for our people,
wherever they may be,’ said GAA President Christy Cooney.

Alejandro Wade, president of the local hurling club, said that hosting
the All Stars for the second time this decade was a proud occasion for
all concerned.

‘The hurling club has kept its Irish heritage and tradition, a bit of
‘the Holy Ground’ in Buenos Aires,’ he said.

‘It’s the dream of the members here that some day our hurling and Gaelic
football teams could travel to Ireland for regular competitions, as well
as receiving GAA clubs in this wonderful land.’

For now, though, they will have to make do with the memory of a second
All Stars game, a distinction they share with Dubai in the nine seasons
since the tours were resurrected.

Scorers — 2008 All Stars: B Carroll 2-1, Eoin Kelly (Waterford) 0-4, J
Canning (0-1 line ball), E McGrath 1-1 each, T Browne (0-1 ’65’), C
Naughton 0-2 each, M Comerford 0-1. 2009 All Stars: A McCrabbe, L
Corbett, M Rice 1-2 each, J Mullane 1-1, N McGrath 0-2, R Power, Eoin
Kelly (Tipperary), T Walsh 0-1 each.

2008 ALL STARS — B Cummins (Tipperary); M Kavanagh (Kilkenny), J
Tyrrell (Kilkenny); M Foley (Limerick), JJ Delaney (Kilkenny), F Moore
(Galway); T Browne (Waterford), S Og O hAilpin (Cork); J Fitzpatrick
(Kilkenny), M Comerford (Kilkenny), E Kelly (Waterford); B Carroll
(Offaly), J Canning (Galway).

Interchange: E McGrath (Waterford), C Naughton (Cork).

2009 ALL STARS — PJ Ryan (Kilkenny); P Maher (Tipperary), O Canning
(Galway); T Walsh (Kilkenny), B Hogan (Kilkenny), S Hiney (Dublin); M
Rice (Kilkenny), A McCrabbe (Dublin); N McGrath (Tipperary), R Power
(Kilkenny), L Corbett (Tipperary); E Kelly (Tipperary), J Mullane
(Waterford).Interchange: A Fogarty (Kilkenny).

Refs — D Kirwan (Cork) & M Duffy (Sligo)




New Years Eve Celebration Function

with Music by Apollo and commencing at 8.30pm sharp. A limited number of
tickets are available from Clubhouse or Contact Bar Manager Celine Brown
087 7934780 or Club Secretary John Holden 087 2872208.

The new Minor Football Manager for 2010 is Mick O’Sullivan and his
selectors are Keith Hedderman and Lorcan O’Donnell.  John Melia and Mark
Dunning will also assist with this team who will commence training on
15th January.

The Senior B team under manager Conor Earley and Selectors Joe Murray
and Lorcan O’Donnell  will eventually play the Jack Higgins Cup final
versus Straffan  tomorrow night Friday 18th December at 8pm in Naas. Sarsfields last
won the Jack Higgins Cup in 1994


Applications for Manager of Junior B and Junior C  football teams are
now being sought. If Interested please contact Chairman Brendan Ryan 087
9345109  or  Secretary John Holden 087 2872208

Club Membership for all sections is now due. Contact Registrar Kathleen
(Ollie) Ryan 086 6264115

The new membership rates are as follows:

Adult Member €60

Adult Player €120 (includes €60 player contribution)

Student Player €90  (includes €60 player contribution)

Unemployed Player €70 (includes €60 player contribution)

Retired Member €10

Juvenile Member (Kindergarten to Under 9) €30

Juvenile Member ( Under 10 to Under 18) €60  (includes €30 player

Family Membership €70 + players levies





Camogie Manager Required


Sarsfields Camogie

We are looking for a new manager for 2010. If anyone is interested could
they please let me know on 087 2963212.
We will be having our AGM at the end of January.
I would also like to take this opportunity to say a big thank you to our
manager for the last couple of years Joe Murray who will not be taking
the position next year.His commitment and dedication could not be
faulted and was much appreciated. Also thank you to Lynda McNamee and
Dan Whelan who thankfully will still be involved next year.
Kind Regards,
Paula Earley
087 2963212.





Sign up to the Vodafone Support Your GAA Club programme to donate 5% of
your Pay Monthly bill or Top Up to Sarsfields – without it costing you a
single cent! Contact Shane Campbell or visit the Vodafone web site.





More Stupid Quotes.  



‘It’s been a fabulous year for Laura and me.’
– George W. Bush, December 2001, three months after the World
  Trade Center attacks. 


‘For those of you who don’t think length matters, I disagree.’
– Martha Stewart, holding a 15-ft.-long hot dog, on an episode
  of her TV show.


‘We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and
convert them to Christianity.’

– Ann Coulter US commentator said this about Islamic countries on September
  12, 2001

‘If I could only go through the ducts and leap out onstage in a
cape, that’s my dream.’
– Ralph Nader, former canditate on the presidential debates


‘To them people booing: Wait ’til my husband gets out of
incarceration. And I mean that.’
– Amy Winehouse (To the crowd who booed her during a concert.)


‘Be sure and put some of those neutrons on it.’
Mike Smith, Baseball pitcher, ordering a salad at a restaurant


‘All these earthquake and stuff happened and I thought, Is that
karma? When you are not nice, bad things happen to you.’
-Sharon Stone on China’s deadly earthquake


And now the prize for most stupid quote of the year goes to . . .

‘I am for the death penalty. Who commits terrible acts must get
a fitting punishment. That way he learns the lesson for the
next time.’
– Britney Spears on capital punishment


Or this one for being the most inane and incomprehensible


‘I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so
because, uh, some, people out there in our nation don’t have
maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as,
uh, South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as,
and, I believe that they should, our education over here in the
U.S. should help the U.S., uh, or, uh, should help South Africa
and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be
able to build up our future, for our children’
  2008 Miss South
Carolina, Caitlin Upton



Strange/Bizarre/Quirkie News. 

Tip Off


BOSTON – Police say a Boston man wanted for drug trafficking
tried to conceal his identity by cutting the tips of his fingers
to hide the prints. State Police spokesman David Procopio said
Monday that Francis Viliar admitted to police that he paid
someone $400 to slice off the fleshy pads at the ends of his

The 36-year-old was arrested Friday after state police pulled
him over for speeding in Brockton. He was charged with giving a
false name and carrying a dangerous weapon.

During booking, officers discovered that his fingertips were
covered in scar tissue. FBI specialists were still able to
identify Viliar, who had 13 warrants, using ridges from the

Viliar’s attorney, Lawrence Perlmutter, declined to comment late


Woman Marries Dolphin

In Eliat, Israel, at the turn of the year 2006, an English woman married a dolphin in a ceremony where she wore a white dress and a pink tiara.

She had been visiting Cindy, the dolphin for some 15 years. The woman dived in with Cindy and she gave him a hug and told the dolphin that she loved him.


Pub bans Grandad’s Trilby

A grandad was banned from wearing his trilby in a pub.

Colin Osborne was ordered to remove it so CCTV cameras could film his face, reports the Mirror. And staff threatened to bar him if he refused.

Colin, 64 – who has worn a hat for 20 years – said yesterday: ‘It’s madness. They’re branding everyone who wears a hat a troublemaker.’

Journalist Colin was tackled as he sipped a glass of coke with son Mark, 40, at The Monument in Hereford.

Brewers Greene King said the ban was policy in all 800 of their UK outlets.

A spokesman added: ‘Hats obscure customers’ faces from the cameras.’


Hull City Council Bans Santa Hats


Another example of bureaucracy gone mad in Britain.

Waste disposal operatives [binmen] have been banned from wearing Santa Claus hats this Christmas period apparently on health grounds.

The refuse collectors in Kingston upon Hull, UK, have worn the traditional red hats for several years.  City council scrooges think that it does not create a professional impression of the council.

Angry refuse collectors have told the newspapers that, ‘It doesn’t look like anyone can escape the PC brigade this year. Our Santa hats have always brought a bit of festive cheer to local households. We loved seeing the faces of excited kids watching us from the window and laughing at our hats. It’s been a Christmas tradition for years but not anymore.’

A spokesman for the East Yorkshire city reportedly has said, ‘Employees can wear Christmas hats in their own time. Wearing them during work time does not create a professional impression. Further, there can be health and safety implications should hats get in the way of dangerous machinery operation.



Dead Money


MIAMI (Reuters) – A Florida woman was sentenced on Monday to a
year and a day in prison for keeping her dead mother’s body in a
bedroom for years while collecting more than $230,000 in pension
benefits, prosecutors said.

Penelope Sharon Jordan, 61, of Sebastian, Florida, pleaded
guilty to theft of government funds in June, the U.S. Attorney’s
Office in Miami said.

Police said when they found the body in a spare bedroom in
March, Jordan told them her mother had been dead for at least
six years. During the sentencing hearing, evidence indicated
that Jordan told her sister their mother had died before
December, 2001.

An autopsy on the body found no signs of foul play.

Jordan told the court she concealed her mother’s death in order
to continue collecting her Social Security and military pension
benefits. Over a six-year period she received $61,415 in Social
Security payments and $176,461 from the military pension.

She was ordered to repay $237,876 to the government.




True Story  


Wide Awake Are You?


The world record for time without sleep is 264 hours (11 days)
by Randy Gardner in 1965.


Sleep is one thing we all need, and which many of us feel we
never get enough of.

We start out as babies, sleeping most of the time, then turn
into small children that our parents can’t get to bed, then back
into teenagers that they can’t get up. In our older years, we
tend not to sleep as much, because those who are retired, are
not dealing with the same types of physical or mental stresses
as a working person with young family responsibilities.

Even some animals are big on sleep. The sloth, armadillo and
opossum, sleep through 80% of their lives, whereas the ‘eight
hours a night’ formula says that Man sleeps away 33% of his.
Bears, who one might suspect sleep more than that during
hibernation, are not actually sleeping. They are in a deep
period of rest, but it is not continuous, and they have been
known to rise and stretch a few times over the cold months.

But what happens when we don’t get enough sleep? The brain
begins to wander off track, and is unable to follow the normal
firing paths that supply the conscious mind with its cognitive
and rational functions. The cerebral cortex, that oddly ruffled
outer layer of the brain, is where our civilized selves lay.
That region is responsible for higher order functions, which are
impossible to maintain without replenishing the power that it
operates on, meaning sleep. It must shut down while it regains
strength, whereas lower regions of the brain, such as those
responsible for dreams, remain ‘awake’. This is somewhat similar
to the higher order brain of the dolphin, who must breathe at
the surface, in order to stay alive. But to stay at the surface,
it would have to be conscious. Nature solves the problem by
having half their brains ‘sleep’, while the other half takes
over functions such as breathing.

Nonetheless, Man does go extended periods without sleep, for a
variety of reasons. Whether it is a new baby, or chronic stress,
many people find themselves unable to get enough sleep at one
time, to restore their energy levels or functional levels at
work or home. Then there are the silly reasons that people go
without sleep, including reality shows such as the UK’s
‘Shattered’, which in 2004 offered a prize of 100,000 pounds
Sterling (to be reduced if contestants were caught napping) for
the person who could stay awake the longest. What a shame that
Randy Gardner was 39 years ahead of his time, when in 1965, the
17-year old stayed awake for 11 days straight. After the first
few days, Gardner’s speech slurred and he lapsed into a
conscious stupor.

True Story 2 


What it means to be British

One of the British national daily newspapers has been asking for comments about: ‘what it means to be British’. Here is a comment from a chap in Switzerland who lived in Britain for 12 years.

‘Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV; and the most British thing of all? Suspicion of anything foreign.’



True Story 3


Rainy Daze


In the Sahara Desert, there is a town named Tidikelt, which did
not receive a drop of rain for ten years.

 The Sahara Desert is a dry place, but just how dry was shown in
the region of Tidikelt, a gravel-surfaced section of south
central Algeria, where they once went for ten years without a
single drop of rain.

Technically though, the driest place on Earth is in the valleys
of the Antarctic near Ross Island. There has been no rainfall
there for two million years.

Reunion Island in the Indian Ocean, is at the other end of the
scale. One day in 1952, it experienced a rainfall that when
done, totaled 74′ over 24 hours. That kind of outshines, or
maybe outdrips, the 26.12′ record for 24 hours, set in 1943 at
Hoegees Camp, in L.A. County.

Of course, if you want to talk being really wet, Cherrapunji in
northern India was inundated by an incredible world record
1,042′ in the year spanning 1860-1861.

How about a quick ‘shower’? Barot, Guadeloupe recorded 1 1/2′ of
rain in 60 seconds, on Nov.26, 1970. Fussen, Bavaria also got
wet in a hurry, sloshing around in a hair over five inches of
rain in only 8 minutes, on May 25, 1920.




Little Johnny Strikes Again 



It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The  students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All  the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.
>>>>>> Teacher: ‘Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and
>>>>>correctly can
>>>>>> leave early today .’
>>>>>> Little Johnny says to himself ‘Good, I want to get outta
>>here. I’m
>>>>>> smart and will answer the question.’
>>>>>> Teacher: ‘Who said ‘Four Score and Seven Years Ago’?’
>>>>>> Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, ‘Abraham
>>>>>> Teacher: ‘That’s right Susie, you can go home.’
>>>>>> Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.
>>>>>> Teacher: ‘Who said ‘I Have a Dream’?’
>>>>>> Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, ‘Martin
>Luther King.’
>>>>>>   Teacher: ‘That’s right Mary, you can go.’ Johnny is even
>>>>>madder than
>>>>>> before.
>>>>>> Teacher: ‘Who said ‘Ask not, what your country can do for
>>>>>> Before Johnny can open his mouth,  Nancy    says, ‘John F.
>>>>>> Kennedy.’   Teacher: ‘That’s right  Nancy   , you may
>>also leave.’
>>>>>> Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer
>>>to any of
>>>>>> the questions.
>>>>>> When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, ‘I wish
>>these bit*hes
>>>>>> would keep their mouths shut!’
>>>>>> The teacher turns around: ‘NOW WHO SAID THAT?’
>>>>>> Johnny: ‘TIGER WOODS’ 


Quick Witted

A man in Tesco’s tries to buy half a cauliflower. The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole cauliflowers. 
The man persists and asks to see the manager.

The boy says he’ll ask his manager about it.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, ‘Some prat out there wants to buy half a cauliflower.’

As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, ‘And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half.’

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

Later the manager said to the boy, ‘I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?’

‘Liverpool, sir,’ the boy replied. ‘Well, why did you leave Liverpool?’ the manager asked.

The boy said, ‘Sir, there’s nothing but whores and footballers up there.’

Really?’ said the manager. ‘My wife is from Liverpool.’

‘You’re kidding?’ replied the boy. ‘Who’d she play for?’

 Mistaken Identity


A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked ‘Is my time up?’

God said, ‘No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.’

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a  face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth!

Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of  it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.
While crossing  the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, ‘I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?’

(You’ll love this)






> > God replied: ‘I didn’t bloody recognize you.’
> >

Stupid People. How do they manage?

Recently, when I went to McDonald’s I saw on the menu that you could
have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
‘We don’t have half dozen nuggets,’ said the teenager at the counter.
‘You don’t?’ I replied. ‘We only have six, nine, or twelve,’ was the
‘So I can’t order half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?’
‘That’s right.’
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
(Unbelievable but sadly true…)


I was checking out at the local Woolworths with just a few items and
the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up
one of those ‘dividers’ that they keep by the cash register and placed
it between our things so they wouldn’t get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the
‘divider’, looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, ‘Do you know how much this
I said to her ‘I’ve changed my mind; I don’t think I’ll buy that
She said ‘OK,’ and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.


A woman at  work was seen putting a credit card into her  floppy drive
and pulling it out very  quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on
the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was
using the ATM ‘thingy.’
(keep shuddering!!)

I recently  saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her  car. ‘Do
you need some help?’ I asked.
She replied, ‘I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote
door unlocker. Now I can’t get into my car. Do you think they (pointing
to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?’
‘Hmmm, I don’t know. Do you have an alarm, too?’ I asked.
‘No, just this remote thingy,’ she answered, handing it and the car
keys to me.  As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I
replied, ‘Why don’t you drive over there and check about the batteries.
It’s a long walk….’
PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself!!!

Several years  ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day
she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, ‘I’m almost out of
typing paper. What do I do?’ ‘Just use paper from the photocopier’, the
secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank
piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five
‘blank’ copies.
Brunette, by the way!!


A mother  calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if  she needs to
take her kid to the emergency room,  the kid had eaten ants. The
dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be
fine, the mother says, ‘I just gave him some ant killer……’
Dispatcher: ‘Rush him in to emergency!’

Life is tough. It’s even tougher if you’re stupid!!!!

Thanks to leo Kennedy and Martin Mueller for the above. 


Poker Faced Lie

A doctor answered his phone late in the evening and heard the
familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.

‘We need a fourth player for poker,’ said his friend.

‘I’ll be right over,’ whispered the doctor.

‘Where are you going at this hour?’ demanded his wife as he was
pulling on his coat.

‘I’m sorry, honey,’ he replied, ‘but I have an emergency call.’

‘Is it serious?’ his wife asked.

‘Oh yes, very serious,’ said the doctor gravely. ‘In fact, there
are three doctors there already!’

Arrest his Own Mother

A police recruit was asked during the exam, ‘What would you do
if you had to arrest your own mother?’ He answered, ‘Call for

The Logic of Marriage – A Child’s View
Jack, a very young lad aged 4 years, says to his father, ‘Daddy, Daddy, I want to get married.’

His father explains, ‘For that Jack, you have to have a boy and a girl.’

So Jack answers, ‘I’ve already found a girl.’

‘Who?’ splutters his Dad.

‘Grandma,’ continues Jack happily.

‘Now, let me get this straight,’ his father says. ‘You want to marry my mother? …………….. You can’t do that.’

‘I don’t see why not?’ Jack responds, ‘You married mine!’