Sarsfields Newsletter

November 8, 2018

THE SASH  Wednesday November 4th 2009


The Weekly Online Newsletter of Sarsfields GAA Club.   


New Senior Manager Announced. 


Sean O’Sullivan has been appointed as Sarsfields’ next senior manager. His selectors will be Martin “Ziggy” McIntyre, David Earley and Tony O’Sullivan. Ross Dunphy will take over responsibility for the physical training. Sean  was previously senior manager from 2005 to 2007. In 205 the team were unlucky to lose to Kilmacud Crokes in the Leinster Final in Navan by a point after dominating the second half. On behalf of the club best wishes to Sean and his selectors in 2010.




There will be a presentation in the clubhouse at 3pm next Sunday to Dermot Earley’s All-Star award and Alan Smith’s nomination.



U 14 management Positions

The Club is looking to appoint the Boys Under-14 team managements for the
2010 season. There are 2 positions to fill for the A & B teams. Anyone
interested in applying for either position, please reply to this email or to
contact Brendan Ryan, Club Chairman, or Stephen Murphy, Juvenile
Chairperson. Applications will be accepted up to Friday November 13th. 


Bord na nOg

 *   Under 15 match vs. Leixlip called off over the W/E due to bad weather. The team lost out to Athy last Wednesday in Athy.

North Bord League:

 *   A mixed end for the under 12’s in their league beating Balyna 4-15 to 3-15, but losing out to Clane 1-4 to 1-11.
 *   The last of the North board games have been complete, thx to all coaches and mentors for their work throughout this League, your efforts are greatly appreciated, and look forward to re-commencing again next year.
 *   Don’t forget, the North Bord AGM will be held in Rathcoffey GAA club this Friday at 8pm. Sarsfields is the only club that has a motion going thru’ at the AGM, and your support would be greatly appreciated on the night, in getting backing and support.

Ladies Underage:

 *   Due to illness and unavailability of players over the mid-term period, the Under 15 girls had to forfeit their league semi-final last week, which was a disappointment to all involved. Despite all efforts by management to defer the match, it was decided at county level that Naas would get a walkover.
 *   U13 League semi-final was postponed over the w/e due to bad weather.

First Aid Course

A one day first aid course is being held in Moorefield GAA Club on Saturday 7th November. The course will cover emergency first aid and CPR, a booklet on sports injuries will be provided and certificates will be awarded to all participants on the day. There are still some places available, a maximum of 12 people can be accommodated. The cost of this one day course is €50 per person. For further details or to book a place please contact Catherine (086)3844591.


Steven Murphy

1.       I have been informed that the U15 girls semi-final walkover is now under appeal.
2.       I never documented the North Board motion. The club is requesting that all North Board league matches be moved from Saturday afternoon to Sunday morning, to avoid conflict with other sports in the county. Rugby & soccer games underage are run off Saturday morning, meaning sometimes we do not have our full team squads available when playing our matches later that day.

Stephen Murphy & Liam Moore.


Notes Deadline
The new deadline for receiving notes for the local newspapers is now Sunday night. Anything received on Monday morning in future cannot be guaranteed to get into the newspapers for that week.


Full executive meeting will take place on Tuesday the 17th of November this will be the last meeting before the A.G.M. it will be important that all sections of the club are represented at the meeting.

I will require year end reports from all sections of the club These reports will be made available to the members at the A.G.M. Reports to be with me by the 17th of November either by email or brought to the meeting.

Club A.G.M. will take place on Saturday the 5th of December @ 7pm

Thanks Tony McConnell Secretary. 


U21 Football Championship


 The Under 21 match v Leixlip that was cancelled on Sunday due to the poor weather has been re-fixed for this Saturday the 7th at 2pm in Clane.




Under 21 Championship @ 2pm*

* Sarsfields V Leixlip** **Clane

* Bord Na nOg Fixtures*

*Sunday 8th of November*

*Under 15 League Division 1  @ 11am*

*Kilcock V Sarsfields *

* Ladies Football Fixtures*

* Sunday 8th of November*

*Under 13 League semi- Final Division 1  @ 11am*

*Sarsfields V Nurney/Kildangan **3rd Pitch



Riverbank Arts Centre, Newbridge presents: Rooney and Ringy.

GAA Film Night 125th Anniversary To celebrate GAA 125th Anniversary Riverbank Arts Centre will be screening two great films: Rooney and Ringy. We would be grateful if you can pass the information on to the Club members and fans. If you need any additional details, posters or flyers, please don’t hesitate to contact Riverbank Arts Centre Box Office at 045 448327.

 Wednesday November 18th @ 7.30pm

Rooney (1958) is a comedy classic which follows the trials and tribulations of dustbin-man and hurler James Ignatius Rooney (John Gregson) from his digs in the O’Flynn household in Rathmines to the heady heights of Croke Park where he joins the Dublin team (wearing black and amber and played here by the 1947 Kilkenny hurlers) for the All-Ireland Final. Based on the Catherine Cookson novel, Rooney, and directed by George Pollock, this enchanting and entertaining adaptation features a top-notch supporting cast including Barry Fitzgerald, Maire Kean, Jack MacGowran and Noel Purcel.



Wednesday November 18th @ 9.30pm

Christy Ring is regarded as Ireland’s greatest hurler. Throughout his long career he won eight All Ireland medals and four National Leagues with Cork. 18 Railway Cups with Munster and 14 County Championship medals with Glen Rovers.
This film looks back on the life and career of this unique sportsman.


Price €5 or €7.50 for both films


For Riverbank Box Office bookings contact:
Telephone: (045) 448327

For Riverbank Online bookings visit:

More Stupid Quotes.  

‘We are in a three-way split decision for third place.’
– Sen. Joe Lieberman, on his fifth place finish in the New
Hampshire primary


I don’t care what the videotape says. I didn’t say it.’
– Football coach Ray Malavasi  


‘I’m not an athlete. I’m a professional baseball player.’
– John Kruk


‘I feel like I’m the best, but you’re not going to get me to say
– Jerry Rice.


Strange/Bizarre/Quirkie News.


Mistaken Identity

An elderly woman did her shopping and, upon returning to her car,
found four males in the act of leaving with her car. She dropped
her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at
them at the top of her voice, ‘I have a gun and I know how to
use it!

Get out of the car you dirty rotten scoundrels!’

The four men didn’t wait for a second invitation but got out and
ran like mad, whereupon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to
load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the
driver’s seat.

She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the
ignition. She tried and tried and then it dawned on her why. A
few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five
spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove
to the police station.

The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in
two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter,
where four pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a
mad elderly woman described as white, less than 5′ tall,
glasses, and curly white hair carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed.





True Story:  


Might That Be a Moon Over Mercury?
Astronomers once believed a planet named Vulcan existed between
Mercury and the Sun.
Mathematicians and astronomers were just coming into their own,
in the late 1800s. The sciences were taken seriously when it
came to looking at our solar system. So when something
occurred, it was these scientists who latched onto what data
they could gather, and formulated an explanation.

Urbain Jean Joseph Le Verrier was a well-established
mathematician, with credits that included predicting the
position of Neptune, from calculations related to the unusual
motions of Uranus. He had been working on a recently discovered
abnormality in the movements of Mercury, and announced during an
1860 lecture, that he suspected an intra-Mercury planet, or an
asteroid belt within Mercury’s orbit, to be the root cause.

But the only way to observe such a body, would be during its
transit across the face of the sun, or during a total eclipse.
Fellow scientists contributed their observations of some two
dozen spots on the Sun that appeared to have orbits of 26 and 38

Le Verrier’s conclusions however, had been drawn largely on the
evidence of an amateur astronomer, who in 1859 had supplied him
with reports of sighting a black dot on the sun, as well as data
pertaining to its transit time, orbital inclination, and length
of observation. From this, Le Verrier calculated the length of
the body’s orbit, the inclination, and mean distance from the

When all the math was done, the ‘body’ was estimated to have
only one-seventeenth of Mercury’s mass, and a diameter that was
much smaller, which meant it was not big enough to affect the
stability of Mercury’s orbit. Le Verrier then theorized that is
was the largest single component of an intra-Mercury asteroid
belt, and he named it Vulcan.

Despite subsequent sightings of spots on the sun, most notably
after the total eclipse of 1878, no further evidence of Vulcan
was ever seen. Albert Einstein’s 1916 publishing of his Theory
of Relativity, gave a much more stable explanation for Mercury’s
unusual movements.







Think you are having a bad day?

Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire.  The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask.

A post mortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries… Dental records provided a positive identification.  Investigators set about to determine how a fully clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.

It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest.  The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets.  Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire.

You guessed it.
One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, he was in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air.

Still think you’re having a bad day?

A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio, his wife nearby in the kitchen. While racing the engine, the motorcycle accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged along as it burst through the glass patio doors.

His wife, hearing the crash, ran in the room to find her husband cut and bleeding, the motorcycle, and the shattered patio door. She called for an ambulance and, because the house sat on a fairly large hill, went down the several flights of stairs to meet the paramedics and escort them to her husband.

While the attendants were loading her husband, the wife managed to right the motorcycle and push it outside. She also quickly blotted up the spilled gasoline with some paper towels and tossed them into the toilet.

After being treated and released, the man returned home, looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He went into the bathroom and consoled himself with a cigarette while attending to his business.
 About to stand, he flipped the cigarette butt between his legs.

The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. Finding him lying on the bathroom floor with his trousers blown away and burns on his backside, legs and groin, she once again phoned for an ambulance. The same paramedic crew was dispatched.

As the paramedics carried the man down the stairs to the ambulance they asked the wife how he had come to burn himself.  She told them… They started laughing so hard, one slipped, the stretcher dumping the husband out.  
He fell down the remaining stairs, breaking his arm.

Still having a bad day?                                   Just remember, it could be worse…

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdes oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.  At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers.
 A minute later, in full view,  a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a bad day?

 A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current,                        she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places.  
Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

STILL think you’re having a bad day?

Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany.  Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two hapless protesters were trampled to death.

What?! STILL having a bad day??
Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn’t pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with ‘return to sender’ stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.
 There now, feeling better?





















These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour

Does it ever get windy in  Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (  UK )
: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. 

Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (  USA ) 
 Depends how much you’ve been drinking. 


I want to walk from  Perth to  Sydney – can I follow the railroad tracks? (  Sweden )
 Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water. 

Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane ,  Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ?  (  UK ) 
 What did your last slave die of? 

Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? (  USA ) 
A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe . 
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not 
… oh, forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Which direction is North in  Australia ? (  USA ) 
 Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions. 

Can I bring cutlery into  Australia ? ( UK ) 
 Why? Just use your fingers like we do… 

Can you send me the  Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? ( USA) 
 AAus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is oh, forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked. 

Can I wear high heels in  Australia ? (  UK ) 
 You are a British politician, right? 

Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany) 
: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA  
: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA ) 
: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in  Australia ? ( USA ) 
: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (   Italy ) 
: Yes, gay night clubs.

Do you celebrate Christmas in  Australia ? ( 
 France ) 
: Only at Christmas.

Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( 
 USA ) 
: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first.






Two teachers


A group of primary school infants, accompanied
by two female teachers,  went on a field trip to
Cheltenham races to see and learn about
thoroughbred horses.

When it was time to take the children to the toilet,
it was decided that the girls would go with one
teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting
outside the men’s toilet when one of the boys
came out and told her that none of them could
reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys
with their pants, and began hoisting the boys up,
one by one, holding their willies to direct the flow
away from their clothes.

As she lifted one, she couldn’t help but notice that
he was unusually well endowed.

Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher
said, ‘You must be in year four.’

‘No, madam,’ he replied. ‘I’m riding Silver Arrow in
the 3.30…

Thanks to Leo Kennedy for the above