Sarsfields Newsletter

November 8, 2018

THE SASH Wednesday September 9th  2009


The Weekly Online Newsletter of Sarsfields GAA Club.   


Goals win it for Sarsfields




Wyeth Senior Football Championship Round 3


Sarsfields: 3-8 St Kevin’s: 0-8

SARSFIELDS returned to winning ways, following their defeat by county champions Celbridge in Round 2, to book their place in this year’s Wyeth SFC quarter-final, with a fully deserved nine point win over a hard-working but limited St. Kevin’s side at Two Mile House on Sunday evening last.

The host club, who did everything in their power to ensure this game would go ahead, must have been very worried right up to throw-in as the Sunday morning rain ensured that underfoot conditions were extremely soft, bordering on the near unplayable.


However the club’s preparations paid off as the game was given the go ahead which led to one wag suggesting that while it was ok for GAA players to perform there was no way wonder horse See The Stars would be asked to display his talents in such conditions.

Sarsfields, playing with the aid of a strong breeze, dominated the early stages but found scoring difficult despite Alan Smith opening their account after two minutes following a foul on Paddy Campbell.
Robbie Confrey added another as Kevin’s were struggling to find their feet.

That great servant, Mark Fitzharris had the boys in red and black on the board before Alan Smith got on the end of a five man move to split the posts.

Sarsfields continued to dominate but continued to shoot wides as Kevin’s gradually came more into the game. A foul on Mark Fitzharris saw Eoin Carew leave just a point between them after twelve.
The recalled Paddy Campbell, then skint his man before knocking over a fine point as Sarsfields threatened to pull away.

But this they certainly did not as Kevin’s hit back with points from Brian Chubb and Brian Dunne to level the game after some 20 minutes.
Sarsfields then attacked down the middle and when Enda Freaney put Gary White through it looked like a goal all over. However Kevin’s keeper, John Grehan made a brilliant save to deny the no. 6.

With half time approaching underdogs Kevin’s must have been very satisfied with the situation, however, another Sarsfields attack this time saw Robbie Confrey get in behind and he cooly finished to the net..
Before the break, it got even worse for Kevin’s. Paddy Campbell made one of his trade mark runs down the left wing, dummied his man, spotted Martin Dunne advancing on the far side of the square, hit an inch perfect pass and goal no. 2 arrived.

A hefty challenge on Alan Smith, prior to the kick out saw referee, after consulting with his umpire, produce a yellow card for Antoin Carew, who must have been relieved at the colour of the card as the half time whistle was blown with The Sash leading 2-5 to 0-4.

Conditions were deteriorating with the wind getting up and the second half took some time to get going. However, St. Kevin’s began strongly but a combination of some stout-hearted defending and poor shooting denied them.

Nearly eight minutes on Enda Freaney set up Padraig Brennan and the army officer made no mistake with an excellent effort into the strong wind.

A Mark Fitzharris, left foot special saw Kevin’s open their second half account and immediately after Barry Noone added a second to leave it 2-6 to 0-6.

Gary White knocked one over from 40 yards as disaster was bout to hit Kevin’s. Keeper Grehan, attempting to take a short kick-out only managed to find David Earley who promptly chipped the keeper to wrap up the game.

The same player added another soon after and while Mark Fitzharris added two more it was too little too late as Sarsfields clinched the win on a score line of 3-8 to 0-8.

They say goals win matches and this was certainly the case here. However, this was one that Sarsfields were never really going to lose and with fine displays from Gary White, Conor Duffy and Martin Dunne at the back; Dermot Earley and the hard working Enda Freaney around the middle while up front Paddy Campbell, David Earley and Robert Confrey all looked lively.

Kevin’s, it has to be said, never gave up, they did have plenty of possession but had to work and work for every score and the goals really killed them off. They had good performers in Mick Kenny, Mark Fitzharris, Barry Noone, Gordon Kearney and Brian Chubb.

Sarsfields: Patrick O’Sullivan; Conor Duffy, Sean Campbell, Steven Lawlor; Martin Dunne 1-0. Gary White 0-1 (1 free), Robert Murphy; Dermot Earley, Enda Freaney; Robert Confrey 1-1, Padraig Brennan 0-1, Aidan McLernan; Alan Smith 0-2 (1 frees), David Earley 1-1, Paddy Campbell 0-2. Subs: Alan Barry for Robbie Confrey; Ray Cahill for Paddy Campbell; Michael Browne for Aidan McLer-nan, Keith Harvey for Robert Murphy.

St. Kevin’s: John Grehan; Paddy Walshe, Jason Brosnan, Tom Barron; Cathal O’Leary, Gordon Kearney, Antoine Carew; Brian Chubb 0-1, Mick Kenny; Brian Dunne 0-1, Mark Fitzharris 0-4 (2 frees), Brian Fitzharris; Adrian McAndrew, Eoghan Carew 0-1 (free), Barry Noone 0-1. Subs: John Casey for Brian Fitzharris; Damien Reilly for Antoine



U16 Championship: Sarsfields 3-4 Oliver Plunkets 1-10

By Mick Malone.
Sarsfields and Oliver Plunketts did battle in a tense and exciting u16c championship semi final in Eadestown GAA Club last Saturday.
Both teams put huge effort into what was a very entertaining and exciting match from start to finish. Oliver Plunketts started well and got the first score on the board, however Sarsfields responded well and scored a great goal through corner forward Dean Herd who flicked the ball over the oncoming goal keeper. Another point by Oliver Plunketts was followed soon after again by a point from the boot of Kevin Lynch. Just before halftime Sarsfields took control with another well worked goal involving Daragh McHugh and Dean Herd who set up Mark Faul who stuck the ball into the corner of the net. Oliver Plunketts added on another point to leave the halftime score 2-1 to 0-3 to Sarsfields who were playing with the aid of a breeze in the first half.
Oliver Plunketts started the 2nd half well and had a couple of points on the board in quick succession. Once again though Sarsfields struck through a brilliant goal from Daragh McHugh, another point from Daragh left 7 points between the teams with 20 minutes to go. Oliver Plunketts then found their stride and got a couple of points followed by a goal to set up a cracking finish.
Rob Jacob decided however to take the match into his own hands and from wing back drove up the field twice in the space of 2 minutes to knock over 2 outstanding points from out near the 45 yard line. However Oliver Plunketts were not to be outdone and scored a few very good points in the last 10 minutes to draw level and the final whistle from the referee was greeted with both teams lying on the ground as they gave it their all for their respective clubs. Final score was Sarsfields 3-4 Oliver Plunketts 1-10. Sarsfields Scorers: Daragh McHugh 1-1, Mark Faul 1-0, Dean Herd 1-0, Rob Jacob 0-2 and Kevin Lynch 0-1. 




Sarsfields Results.


Well done to the senior team on reaching the knock-out stages of the
championship after defeating St Kevin’s 03-08 to 00-08 on Sunday night.

The Senior B team playing in the newly named Reserve A championship have reached the semi-final after beating Leixlip 3-9 to 0-7 on Monday night.

The senior team will now play Suncroft in the 1/4 finals on the weekend of
the 19th/20th of September. Congratulations to the Junior team on reaching the semi finals of the
Championship after an excellent victory over Kill last week well done to all

The under 16B will play there semi final replay in Sarsfields this Saturday
at 4.30pm on the main pitch after an exciting game last Saturday V Oliver
Plunketts in Edestown 03-04 to 01-10.

Well done  to the girls under 13 team who retained the C.L.O.K. Cup
on Saturday in Portlaoise.
Under-age training has returned on Saturday mornings from 11.15am – 12.30pm.
The club shop is also open at this time.

This Saturday the Hurlers and Camoige players are holding a trad night in
the club bar tickets €10 a head.


Sarsfields Fixtures for the coming Week.


Bord Na nOg fixtures

Saturday 12th of September

Under 16 Championship ¼ Finals @ 2.30pm

Celbridge V Sarsfields


Under 16 Championship Semi Finals replay @ 4.30pm

Sarsfields V Oliver Plunketts Sarsfields Main Pitch


Wednesday 9th of September

Under 13 League @ 6.30pm

Sarsfields V Ballyna Pitch 3

Friday 11thof September

Senior Ladies Championship @ 7pm

Ballyna V Sarsfields

Wednesday 9th of September

Under 9 Football Group 2

Maynooth V Sarsfields @ 6.45

Under 9 Football Group 5

Maynooth 3 V Sarsfields 2 @ 6.45



Junior Ladies Championship @ 7.30pm

Athy V Sarsfields


Saturday 12th of September

Under 11 League @ 11am

Sarsfields V St Laurences Pitch 3

Under 15 League @ 3pm

Sarsfields V Ballyna Pitch 3


Saturday 12th of September

Under 8 Football Group 1

Naas V Sarsfields @ 1.30pm

Under 8 Football Group 4

Sarsfields V St Edwards @ 1.30pm Pitch 2

Under 10 Football Division 1

Sarsfields V Kilcock @ 3pm

Under 10 Football Division 3

Kill V Sarsfields @ 3pm


Under 12 Football Division 1

Leixlip V Sarsfields @ 4.30pm

Under 9 Hurling Division 5 Sunday September 13th

Naas 6 V Sarsfields @ 10.30am


 Would all managers please text or email results of their matches to the club PRO Tony Ryan Ph. 087-2767338 irrespective of whether your team wins or loses. We have to contact the County Board with our match results so it is important that all managers send us the results of your match, you can also send your results to this email address


New Sash Magazine/Newsletter.


 A New Sash hardcopy magazine/ Newsletter will be published in September and thereafter every 3 months. Contributors required. Please send articles, anecdotes etc to We still have some space left before we go to print so if anybody would like to contribute they are very welcome to do so. We encourage different sections of the club to send in short pieces with photos where possible.


More Stupid Quotes.

‘I’ve made all my money on my own without my family and I work
very hard, just listening to my father. So just basically
following that and following my heart.’
– Paris Hilton 


‘A guy who’s lived through the horror of Vietnam has not spent
his life preparing his mind for it. He’s some punk. Most guys
were borderline criminal or poor, and that’s why they got sent
to Vietnam. It was all the poor, wretched kids who got beat up
by their dads, guys who didn’t get on the football team,
couldn’t finagle a scholarship. They didn’t have the emotional
equipment to handle that experience. But this is what an actor
trains to do. I can more effectively represent that kid in
Vietnam than a guy who was there.’
– Val Kilmer on preparing for a role 


‘I never get bored, because theres always different puzzles,
Im wearing different clothes, there`s different contestants,
there`s different prizes.’
– Vanna White.


‘I guess I’m gonna? fade into Bolivian.’ 
– Mike Tyson


‘I told her there’s a divorce or adoption. If she’s not down
with adoption, I think it’s divorce. I’m a baby. I’m not
prepared. And I’m not sure the world wants a Spencer Pratt
– Spencer Pratt’s reaction if his wife, Heidi Montag,
  got pregnant.


A selection of funny football quotes

‘I’ve never wanted to leave. I’m here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well.’
Alan Shearer

‘You’ve got to believe that you’ re going to win, and I believe we’ll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we’ re knocked out.’
Peter Shilton

‘ I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at Birmingham. My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing.’
Ade Akinbiyi

‘Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match.
‘ Ian Wright

‘I’m as happy as I can be – but I have been happier.
‘ Ugo Ehiogu

‘Leeds is a great club and it’s been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesborough.
‘ Jonathan Woodgate

‘I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.’
Stuart Pearce

‘The Brazilians were South American, the Ukrainians will be more European.
‘ Phil Neville

‘All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed.
‘ Mitchell Thomas

‘One accusation you can’t throw at me is that I’ve always done my best.’
Alan Shearer

‘I’ d rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd.’
Johnny Giles

‘Sometimes in football you have to score goals
.’ Thierry Henry.

‘I was surprised, but I always say nothing surprises me in football
.’ Les Ferdinand.

It was like the ref had a brand new yellow card and wanted to see if it worked.’
Richard Rufus.

‘There’s no in between – you’ re either good or bad. We were in between
.’ Gary Lineker.

‘If you don’t concede any goals you’ll win more games than you lose
.’ Wayne Bridge.



Try this Reading Test

 Count the ‘F’s’ in the following text:


Managed it ?
Scroll down only after you have counted them, okay?

Do you think there are three?
How many ? 3?

Wrong, there are 6 !!
no joke.
Read it again.
The reasoning behind it is further down.

The brain cannot process ‘OF’.
Incredible or what ? Go back and look again!!
Anyone who counts all 6 ‘F’s’ on the first go is a genius.
Three is normal, four is quite rare


Strange/Bizarre/Quirkie News.  


Bank Rolling Bristol.

Mrs W. Sexton was mistakenly told by her bank her balance had reached a staggering £91 million recounts the Scotsman newspaper.
Wendy Sexton, 51, whose husband Colin is the chief executive of Bristol City Football Club, received a letter from HSBC saying they were ‘pleased to inform’ her that the closing balance on her account was a breath-taking �91 million plus change. It was the kind of money that would have turned League One side Bristol City into Premiership contenders.

Unfortunately for the couple their millionaire status was short-lived. The cheque accompanying the letter was for just £13.73.




JOHNSON CITY, N.Y.  A baby opossum’s instinct to play dead
evidently didn’t help matters after it got wedged inside a soda
machine at an upstate New York fitness club. The animal ran into
the Court Jester Athletic Club in Johnson City, N.Y., near
Binghamton, and scurried behind a soda machine in the front
vestibule Wednesday evening.

The club’s assistant manager called police realizing the critter
was stuck inside, hanging upside down in a compartment below the
soda dispenser.

A police officer tried to pull the animal from the bottom of the
machine, but it was lodged in place and making no apparent move
to escape. About a half hour later, an employee arrived with a
key for the machine, the front panel was opened and the animal
rescued. The officer released it in a nearby cemetery


N.Y. – A New York man is donating his 320th pint of
blood this week,
making him one of two people in the U.S. who
has given 40 gallons.

75 yr old Al Fischer of Massapequa plans to do this Tuesday, 58
years after he started giving blood.

According to a New York Blood Center official, only 83-year-old
Maurice Wood has donated more blood than Fischer.

Fischer donates blood about six times a year. He says he and
Wood are engaged in a friendly rivalry and last spoke to each
other a few months ago.


Sporting Quirkies

Female caddy service banned

A female caddy service which provides glamorous models trained in golf etiquette has been banned from courses for ‘damaging the reputation of the sport’.

The women, who wear tight-fitting pink uniforms, are provided by Eye Candy Caddies, which describes itself as the ‘gorgeous new solution for unforgettable golf days’.

Leaderboard has banned the service from its golf courses in Biddenden, Kent; Wadhurst, East Sussex; Kingsclere, Hants; and Oxford’, reports the Daily Telegraph.

A spokesman said: ‘Anyone who seriously cares about the development of the game should work to ensure that it is as professional, inclusive, and culturally inoffensive as any other major sport.

‘Exploiting outmoded notions of golf as a male bastion is not ‘just a bit of fun’, it damages the reputation of the sport as a whole as well as its appeal to members of the younger generation of either sex.’

The Eye Candy website says the service is primarily for the corporate market. Caddies can be hired out at £230 for a day’s golf. The agency claims that with ‘an Eye Candy caddie by your side, other golfers will be green with envy’.

Katy Glyn, one of the models, describes herself as having ‘bombshell’ looks, and says her favourite food is chocolate and almonds.

Another, Abbie Burrows, 27, a professional flautist, who has played private concerts for the Queen and the Prince of Wales, said: ‘We have learnt the rules of golf and that we shouldn’t speak as a player takes a shot, or not to stand in the line of a putt.’

The company’s managing director, Sarah Stacey, said: ‘We add that extra sparkle and difference to any golf day and put a smile on people’s faces.

‘All the girls are trained in the etiquette of golf and uniformed in appropriate golf attire. They all sign a code of conduct so everyone is clear about the boundaries.’



Brit takes on world’s worst team

A British amateur footballer has become the youngest-ever international football manager – after taking charge of the world’s worst team. Paul Watson, 25, is the coach of the tiny Pacific island of Pohnpei, which has a population of just 34,000, reports the Daily Telegraph.

Their national football team has never won a game and the closest they have ever come to victory was losing 5-4 on penalties to rival island Yap.

However, despite a recent 16-1 thrashing at the hands of Guam, sports writer Paul and his student friend Matthew Conrad, also 25, believe they can turn things around.

The pair, from London, will begin training the Pohnpei team for no pay starting September 17 and friendly games are scheduled to take place in early 2010.

Mr Watson, a freelance sports journalist, said: ‘By chance we heard the country didn’t have a coach at the moment and were looking for someone to take over. Like idiots we said we would consider it.

‘Their players have a lot of raw talent but they have never won a game, they lost on penalties once so I guess that almost counts as a win.

‘Unfortunately they are the worst team in the world but I don’t think they will be for much longer. With training they’ll improve dramatically.

‘They are really enthusiastic and one of the players who walks one hour and a half just to get to training without wearing any shoes.

‘That’s why we are so keen to help them out and why we are appealing for sponsors to donate shoes and kit.’





True Story:


What’s That Snapping in the Swamp?

The word alligator comes from the Spanish word El Lagarto, which
means ‘The Lizard.’

Hundreds of years ago, when Spaniards landed in Florida, they
went sloshing through the swamps, then suddenly started
screaming ‘Madre de Dios!’ Actually, the language may have been
a bit saltier than that, when they saw their first alligator,
which they named ‘el ligato’ or ‘the lizard’, from which it gets
the name ‘alligator’.

But they were in little danger, really. Alligators are not by
nature, an animal with a taste for humans, unlike the similar
but grumpier crocodile.

While crocodiles can be found around the globe, the
alligator is
primarily a denizen of the southeastern United States, where it
can be found imitating submerged wood in the many murky swamps.

Not that either one should be approached and petted, but you are
safer in the company of an alligator, since the crocodile is
known to have an undependable temperament that makes them highly

So if you fall out of your canoe in a Florida swamp, remember
this- alligators are a grayish color, and show no teeth when
their mouths are closed. You have time to get back in the boat.
Crocodiles are tan colored, with a broad snout, and have a pair
of teeth that protrude from the bottom jaw, up over the top one.
Swim faster.


True Story 2.


Tiger, Lily, Lily White…


A white tiger can only be born when both parents carry the gene
for white colouring.

One of the most entrancing, and beautiful members of the c, at
species, is the Bengal Tiger, with its deep orange coat, dark
stripes, and glowing eyes.

The Bengal is found primarily in India, although they may range
into nearby countries such as Bhutan  or Myanmar. The tiger’s
individual territory can be as large as 15-25 miles for males,
or 6-15 miles for the female, who at sexual maturity, wi
litters of 2-4 cubs.

Researchers estimate that one in every 10,000 wild Bengal
births, is the very rare white tiger, a phenomenon that occurs
only in the Bengal, and only from the mating of two tigers who
carry the recessive albino gene. The offspring are referred to
as chinchilla albinistic, because they are not ‘pure’ albinos,
which would have no pigment at all. The white tiger is typified
by creamy fur, chocolate stripes, blue eyes and pink noses and
paw pads. The captive breeding of white tigers, has been of limited
success due to the very close inbreeding that occurs. Mohan, the
first captured white tiger to be bred successfully, was mated
with one of his daughters by an orange tigress, in the hopes
that she carried the albino gene, that when combined with her
father’s, would produce white offspring. The first mating
produced a litter of four white cubs. The 48 subsequent litters
in their family line produced 148 cubs, 105 of which died
without reproducing. Slightly more than 70% of those deaths were
non-accidental/injury related.

There are less than a dozen reported sightings of white tigers
in the wild, from the last century. This is not surprising considering the shrinking Bengal population, where the rare  genetic combination required to make a white tiger, becomes less and less likely with the passing years.








Classic Retirement Jokes


‘The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the

boss does.’ Anonymous 

 ‘I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving

 early.’ Charles Lamb.�


 ‘When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent

 importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.’ R C



 ‘Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time

 we have rushed through life trying to save.’ Will Rogers,

 Autobiography, 1949.


 ‘It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.’

 Scott Elledge.


 ‘When one door closes, another one opens, but we often look so long

 and regretfully at the closed door that we fail to see the one that

has opened for us.’ Alexander Graham Bell.


 ‘Forever, and forever, farewell, Cassius! If we do meet again, why, we

 shall smile; If not, why then this parting was well made.’ William



 ‘Few men of action have been able to make a graceful exit at the

 appropriate time.’ – Malcolm Muggeridge


 ‘A man is known by the company that keeps him on after retirement

 age.’ – Anon


 ‘There’s one thing I always wanted to do before I quit…retire!’

 Groucho Marx


 ‘I’ve lit the blue touch paper and found there’s nowhere to retire

 to.’ – Doctor Who.



A Confession


A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in

the parish. A leading local politician, who was also a member of the

 congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little

 speech at the dinner. He was delayed so the priest decided to say his

 own few words while they waited.


 ‘I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I

 heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The

very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a

television set and, when stopped by the police, had almost murdered

the officer. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his

 place of business, had an affair with his boss’s wife, taken illegal

 drugs. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people

 were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full

 of good and loving people.’


 Just as the priest finished his talk the politician arrived full of

 apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation

 and give his speech.


 ‘I’ll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived,’ said the

 politician. ‘In fact, I had the honour of being the first one to go to

him in confession.’  


Double Negative


A linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day.
‘In English,’ he said, ‘A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative. ‘ A loud voice from the back of the room piped up, ‘Yeah, right. ‘ 


Poking The Mother in Law


Brenda and Terry are going out for the evening. The last thing they do is put their cat out.

The taxi arrives, and as the couple walk out of the house, the cat scoots back in.
Terry returns inside to chase it out. Brenda, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explains to the taxi driver, ‘My husband is just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother. ‘

Several minutes later, an exhausted Terry arrives and climbs back into the taxi saying, ‘Sorry I took so long, the stupid idiot was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger several times before I could get her to come out! ‘   



Life After Death


3 friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in
heaven. They are all asked, ‘When you are in your casket and
friends and family are talking about you, what would you like
them to say?

The first guy says,’I would like to hear them say that I was a
great doctor of my time, and a great family man.’

The second guy says, ‘I would like to hear that I was a
wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge
difference in our children of tomorrow.’ The last guy replies, ‘I would like to hear them say … Look, He’s Moving!