Sarsfields Newsletter

November 8, 2018

THE SASH Friday May 20th 2011


The Weekly Online Newsletter of Sarsfields GAA Club.


Sarsfields and Michael Glavey’s Honour Dermot Earley



Sarsfields GAA Club will remember the late Dermot Earley (Snr) this Saturday with a special day to honour his memory.

Dermot’s former club in Roscommon, Michael Glaveys will travel to Newbridge for a number of combined events with Sarsfields GAA.

The day starts with a Golf Classic sponsored by Bord Gais Energy at Newbridge Golf Club (contact Mick Ward immediately if interested in playing at 086 4034439). Tee times, limited number, are still available from 9.00am



Sarsfields Notes


Sarsfields extends deepest sympathy to Patricia Moore wife of George Moore who died suddenly last week and to his children Andrew, Stephen and Mark and extended family. Ar dheis De go raibh a anam.

Best wishes to Gary White, Alan Smith and the Kildare team on Sunday against Wicklow at 4pm in Portlaoise.

Sarsfields fixtures for Tuesday 24th May:Under 9 Boys Football Sarsfields v Naas at 7pm Under 13 Boys Football Leixlip v Sarsfields at 7pm Senior Ladies Football League. Confey v Sarsfields at 7pm

             Underage: The U9 boys beat Balyna comprehensively on Tuesday night. If not already purchased, your Club kit and casual wear can be obtained from the shop. Shop manager Lisa McConnell can help with your queries. The shop is open each Saturday morning between 10.30 and 12.30. Please remember the shop can only accept cash and cheques, not debit or credit cards. The  U10 Girls have moved their training to Thursday evenings at 5.15 on the bottom pitch in order facilitate their weekend league fixtures. With the Summer fast approaching the club is once again hosting a VHI GAA Cúl Camp (4th – 8th July 2011). Academy players aged from 5 upwards are welcome to register. For more information please contact our club representative, Stephen Murphy (087-2840877), or register online at VHI GAA Cúl Camps provide players with an action-packed and fun-filled week of activity during the summer holidays which revolves around maximising enjoyment and sustaining participant involvement in Gaelic Games. This is a great opportunity for our academy players to improve their skills, learn new skills and enjoy themselves during their summer holidays. With 187 players now registered at the Sarsfields Saturday academy the club  urgently needs  more parents to help with the coaching, specifically U10 Girls, U9 Boys, U6 Boys, U8 Girls and U5 Boys. You don’t have to be an ex player to coach. The existing trained coaches will be able to guide you. For interested parents you can give your name and contact details to one of the existing coaches and get started. The target is to have 6-8 coaches per team.

The funding deadline for the Floodlighting project has been extended to 31st May 2011. To date the Floodlight Committee have had a fantastic response and Padraig Brennan on behalf of the Committee would like to thank to all who have supported the project so far so far and asks all other members to support the project as best as they can. All contributions, no matter how big or small are significant and very much appreciated.

The club is pleased to announce that the new main sponsor for the next three years will be Duffy and Sons Mazda Car Dealers of Naas Road, Newbridge

Would all managers please ensure that all midweek results are sent to PRO Tony Ryan at by Thursday night at the latest in view of the new Friday deadline for submissions to  the Leinster Leader



Sarsfields Fixtures this Weekend.


Friday 20th May
Under 10 Hurling
Sarsfields v Coill Dubh at 7pm
Senior Football League Div 1
Sarsfields v Monasterevin at 7.30pm

Saturday 21st May
Under 10 Football
Sarsfields v Carbury at 11am
Under 8 Boys Football
Sarsfields v Ardclough at 1.30pm
Senior Football Challenge
Sarsfields v Michael Glaveys (Roscommon) at 4.30pm

Sunday 22nd May
Under 8 Hurling
Sarsfields v Ardclough at 10.30am

Under 14 Boys Football League

Raheens v Sarsfields at 11am

Celbridge v sarsfields at 11am
Under 12 Hurling
Sarsfields v Sallins at 12 noon

Monday 23rd May
Senior Football League Div 5
Sarsfields v Carbury at 7.30pm

Tuesday 24th May
Under 9 Boys Football
Sarsfields v Naas at 7pm
Under 13 Boys Football
Leixlip v Sarsfields at 7pm
Senior Ladies Football League
Confey v Sarsfields at 7pm




Sasrsfields On Facebook 

Sarsfields now have 700 Fans on Facebook.

Sarsfields now has a Facebook Page where all sections can now post information directly relating to games, results events and photos etc. In addition there is a discussion forum. Link to Sarsfields  Facebook page can be found by scrolling down the home page of the Sarsfields website or by Googling Sarsfields GAA FaceBook.


More Stupid Quotes. 


‘I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it’s true lightness.’
Alicia Silverstone, Actress


I didn’t know Onward Christian Soldiers was a Christian song.’
Aggie Pate, at a non-denominational mayor’s breakfast, Fort Worth, Texas


‘I didn’t realize I was in a Buddhist temple.’
Al Gore, former U.S. Vice President when asked about his illegal fundraising activities that took place in a Buddhist temple.


‘How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby.’
Anonymous Manufacturer


It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.
Al Gore former Vice President


‘Better make it six, I can’t eat eight.’
Dan Osinski, Baseball pitcher, when a waitress asked if he wanted his pizza cut into six or eight slices


‘Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that is by itself. It is a –it is different from the other 49 states. Well, all states are different, but it’s got a particularly unique situation.’
Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President


‘The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation’s history. I mean in this century’s history. But we all lived in this century. I didn’t live in this century.’
Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President

‘What a waste it is to lose one’s mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is.’
Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President


 True Story


Here Here for the Mayor


maverick mayor elected after promising to slash council spending, clear the streets of yobbos and ditch politically correct services is the torchbearer for how towns should be run.

On his first morning as Mayor of Doncaster in South Yorkshire, Peter Davies cut his salary from PA..£73,000 to £30,000 then closed the council’s newspaper for ‘peddling politics on the rates’.

Now three weeks into his job, Mr Davies is pressing ahead with plans he hopes will see the number of town councillors cut from 63 to just 21, saving taxpayers £800,000.
Mr Davies said: ‘If 100 senators can run the United States of America, I can’t see how 63 councillors are needed to run Doncaster’.

He has withdrawn Doncaster from the Local Government Association and the Local Government Information Unit, saving another £200,000. Mr Davies said, ‘They are just talking shops’.

‘Doncaster is in for some serious non-twinning. We are twinned with probably nine other cities around the world and they are just for people to fly off and have a binge at the council’s expense’.

The mayor’s chauffeur-driven car has also been axed by Mr Davies and the driver given another job. Mr Davies, born and bred in Doncaster, swept to power in the May election with 24,244 votes as a candidate for the English Democrats, a party that wants tight immigration curbs, an English Parliament and a law forcing every public building to fly the flag of St. George.

He has promised to end council funding for Doncaster’s International Women’s Day, Black History Month and the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender History Month.
He said, ‘Politicians have got completely out of touch with what people want.

‘We need to cut costs. I want to pass on some savings I make in reduced taxes and use the rest for things we really need, like improved children’s services’.

Mr Davies has received messages from well wishers across the country and abroad as news of his no-nonsense approach spreads.

Now it’s your chance to spread this most sensible way to run a town council

Thanks to Leo Kennedy for the above


Tale of the Strange Smithsonian Exhibit

The story behind the letter below is that there is this nutball in Newport, Rhode Island named Scott Williams who digs things out of his backyard and sends the stuff he finds to the Smithsonian Institute, labelling them with scientific names, insisting that they are actual archaeological finds.

This man really exists and does this in his spare time!

Anyway… here’s the actual response from the Smithsonian Institution. Bear this in mind next time you think you are challenged in your duty to respond to a difficult situation in writing.

Smithsonian Institute 207 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, DC 20078
Dear Mr. Williams:
Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labelled ‘93211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post… Hominid skull.’

We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago. Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety that one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be ‘Malibu Barbie.’

It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the field were loathe to come to contradict your findings. However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to its modern origin:

1. The material is moulded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilised bone.

2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimetres, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-hominids.

3. The dentition pattern evident on the skull is more consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time.

This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail, let us say that:

1. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on.

2. Clams don’t have teeth.
It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have the specimen carbon-dated. This is partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear in its normal operation, and partly due to carbon-datings notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record.

To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon-dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results.

Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name Australopithecus spiff-arino. Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn’t really sound like it might be Latin.

However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a Hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly. You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your Newport back yard.

We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation’s capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus Rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.

Yours in Science, Harvey Rowe Chief Curator-Antiquities

Famous Sayings

Those who do not learn the lessons of history are bound to repeat them

He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.
Chinese proverb

I cannot teach anybody anything, I can only make them think.
Socrates (470-399 B.C.) �

I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.

All things are difficult before they are easy
Thomas Fuller

Curiosity is one of the permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous mind
Samuel Johnson

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
Thomas Jefferson (1

I am still learning.
Michelangelo �

Believe one who has proved it. Believe an expert.
Virgil, Aeneid

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
Arthur Schopenhauer (1

Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese proverb

Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm
Ralph Waldo Emerson

The more we do, the more we can do
William Hazlett

Man’s mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions.
Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that they are difficult

Pay no attention to what the critics say;�no statue has ever been erected to a critic
Jean Sibelius�

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
Rene Descartes

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Will Durant

Readers are plentiful, thinkers are rare.
Harriet Martineau

You cannot create experience. You must undergo it.
Albert Camus �

Do not wait for the day of judgement, it takes place every day
Albert Camus

All men desire knowledge

Education is the best provision for old age

Well begun is half done.

For the things we have to learn before we can do them, we learn by doing them









Dental Appointement.

Scottish man goes into the dentist and asks how much for an extraction. €65 replies the dentist.. ach that too dear, how much if I no have the gas or anaesthetic, That is quiet abnormal replies the dentist and would be extremely painful. No matter says the Scots man how much?.. I’d say about €45 says the dentist.. still too dear says the Scots man. How about if I let a trainee extract the tooth, without the gas or anaesthetic and you can use it as a teaching class… The dentist insists that that would be extremely painful as the trainee would not be qualified and would not be as professional as him. No matter says the Scots man how much. Dentist says ok so €15, tooth extraction in the chair, no gas or anaesthetic and job done by a trainee… excellent says the Scots man… can I book in the wife for Monday?



Quasimodo’s Replacement

After Quasimodo’s death, Bishop Thomas of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.

After observing while several applicants demonstrated their skills, he decided to call it a day.

Just then a lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer’s job.

Bishop Thomas was incredulous. ‘You have no arms.’

‘No matter,’ said the man, ‘observe!’ He then began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo. Suddenly, while rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.

The stunned bishop immediately rushed down the stairways. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, ‘Bishop, who was this man?’

‘I don’t know his name,’ the bishop sadly replied, ‘but his face rings a bell.’

… Part 2

The next day, despite the sadness of the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.

The first man to approach him said, ‘Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you will honour my brother’s life by allowing me to replace him as your esteemed bell ringer’.

The bishop agreed to give the man an audition and, as the armless man’s brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot.

A monk, hearing the bishop’s cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side. ‘What has happened? Who is this man?’ the monk asked breathlessly.

‘I don’t know his name’, sighed the distraught bishop, but…

. …. ‘He’s was a dead ringer for his brother’.