Sarsfields Newsletter

November 8, 2018

THE SASH Thursday August 27th  2009


The Weekly Online Newsletter of Sarsfields GAA Club.   


 Sarsfields Night at the Dogs takes place on Saturday 3rd October 2009. 

Your Club Needs Your Support.

Tickets are available from the Club Bar, Committee members, Team Mentors and the Club Shop on Saturday mornings from 11.15am to 12.30pm or by emailing

Ticket prices are €10 per person which includes entry into a draw for 6 prizes. The draw will be held in the clubhouse immediately after the racing and there will be food and music provided. Children’s tickets €3. To buy a dog costs €30 and with a free ticket thrown in so its good value at effectively €20. For those who buy a dog will also go into a draw for 2 valuable hampers

We need more volunteer ticket sellers to help make the night a success and a profit for the club.  If every one could sell even 5 or 10 tickets it would be a huge contribution. The more who sell the less burden for all in trying maximise our income by selling as many tickets as possible.


The Club needs everybody’s support to make the Dog night a success, all money raised goes back into the club to help with our 34 teams!!!!!!

 Wyeth SFC Round 2: Celbridge 1-15 Sarsfields 0-14.


Seniors fail to beat Celbridge for 4th  successive time.


By Tony Ryan

Sarsfields have drawn St. Kevin’s in Round 3. All Round 3 games to be played on the weekend of 5/6 September. All games will start at the same time. Date time, and venues to be announced.




Sarsfields’ mission to defeat county champions Celbridge and gain a measure of revenge for last year’s defeat to Celbridge in the replayed County Final ended in failure at their own hands or rather boots on Saturday night in Round 2 of the Wyeth Senior Championship in St. Conleth’s Park as they kicked ten successive wides in the second half and had sixteen in total. To compound a frustrating night for the Sash  half forward Alan Barry had a low  goal bound shot rebound off the upright shortly  after half time and the danger was averted by the quick reflexes of the Celbridge defence. That was one half of the story of the game, the other was Celbridge’s unerring accuracy in front of the posts particularly by Celbridge’s scorer in chief, corner forward Mark O’Sullivan who scored a superb personal tally of 0-10. O’Sullivan’s man of the match performance and his prolific scoring ensured that Celbridge were able to pull clear every time Sarsfields got in striking distance of the champions. He gave an exhibition of scoring many from long range a fact that will hardly have gone unnoticed by the Kildare management.

Billed beforehand as the clash of Round 2 the game certainly lived up to expectations. It was a good game between two of the exponents of open, fast paced football with some excellent passages of football from both teams throughout. Sarsfields however spent most of the game playing catch up to Celbridge, getting their noses in front for the last time in the 18th minute of the first half after a beautifully struck 45 by Gary White sailed between the posts.  However because of Sarsfields’ frailties in the shooting department and in spite of their largely second half dominance when playing with the wind at their backs there was a certain inevitability about the outcome of the game long before the end, especially with Celbridge living for long periods of the second half on scraps of possession but making the most of their scoring opportunities whenever they did manage to present themselves, with Mark O’Sullivan being the fulcrum point of the Celbridge attack. 


With six minutes remaining in normal time, Sarsfields after enduring the agony of their 22 minute scoring hiatus during which time they kicked those 10 wides, produced a late flurry and managed to reduce the gap to 2 points, 0-13 to 1-12 when they scored 3 unanswered points in as many minutes, two from corner forward Padraig Brennan and one from half forward Ray Cahill. This was first time that Sarsfields had managed to achieve this feat since midway through the first half when they had recovered to draw level at 0-7 to 1-4 after Celbridge’s 12th minute goal by half back Alan Meaney who finished to the Sarsfields net from close range after a one two involving Mark O’Sullivan breached the last line of the Sarsfields defence.

Finally reducing the deficit to 2 points put Sarsfields within striking distance of Celbridge and was a just reward for their tireless but heretofore fruitless second half efforts. Just when it appeared as if Sash might possibly salvage a late draw, Celbridge immediately responded with two further and final points of the game, one apiece from Adrian “the Gooch” Cahill and Mark O’Sullivan who capped his excellent performance to put the outcome beyond Sarsfields’ reach as the game entered injury time. Celbridge on the basis of their far superior chances to scores ratio than that of Sarsfields were deserving winners and have now effectively qualified for the quarter final before the final round tie against Allenwood while Sarsfields will have to win their last game against St. Kevin’s if the are to have any chance of advancing. 





Sarsfields: John Melia, Conor Duffy, Sean Cambell, Steven Lawler, Keith Harvey, Robert Murphy, Martin Dunne,Gary White,(0-3) Dermot Earley, Ray Cahill, (0-1) Alan Barry, Robbie Confrey, (0-2) Padraig Brennan(0-5) Enda Freaney(0-2) Alan Smith(0-1) Subs: Niall Hedderman for Sean Cambell ( Injured 26mins) Paddy Cambell for Alan Barry (40mins) David Earley for Enda Freaney (52mins)


Celbridge: Paul Spratt, Darragh McEvoy, Conor Brophy, Alan Meaney, (1-0) Mick Wright(0-2), Pauric Carthy, Hugh McGrillan, David Byrne, Barry Moyles, Trevor Kilgallen, Aidan Cahill (0-1) Tom Fitzgerald(0-1) Mark O’Sullivan (0-10) Subs: Shane Harte for Trever Kilgallen (1st half) Davie Wright for Barry Moyles, Robbie Hanon for David Lyons.(2nd half)


Leinster GAA News

The GAA has confirmed that the GAA All Stars tour will return to Buenos Aires in December when the 2008 and 2009 hurlers travel to the Argentine capital for the second time in eight years.

The tour last visited the South American city, which has strong Irish links, back in 2001 and the same city provides the destination for this year’s tour.

Travel arrangements and dates will be finalised shortly and the 2009 line up of players will be selected in the weeks after this year’s GAA Hurling All-Ireland final.

GAA President Criostóir Ó Cuana lauded the decision to bring the GAA All-Stars scheme sponsored by Vodafone back to Argentina.

He said: ‘We’re delighted to be able to confirm that the GAA All Stars tour will call on Buenos Aires this year meaning it will become one of the few destinations to host the tour for a second time since the scheme’s revival back in 2000.

‘The decision to return to the city will be warmly welcomed by our players and the Irish community in that city after the positive experiences of the 2001 tour.

‘Members of that community have fascinating links with the game of hurling and it’s fitting that they will get another chance to witness in the flesh some of our finest players in action so far from home.

‘We also view the decision to proceed with the tour at what is a challenging time in light of the current challenging economic situation as a further commitment to player welfare and we look forward to seeing so many of our top hurlers in South America in the run up to Christmas.’

Welcoming the announcement, Vodafone Ireland’s Consumer Director, Carolan Lennon said: ‘The GAA players deserve this well-earned trip which is also a great event for the Irish diaspora. Vodafone is very excited about sponsoring the tour again this year and we look forward to watching the 2008 and 2009 All Star Hurling teams battle it out at the exhibition game in Buenos Aires this December.’

Since the tour’s revival in 2000 when the footballers travelled to Dubai, the GAA All-Stars sponsored by Vodafone have travelled to Buenos Aires (2001), San Diego (2002), Hong Kong (2003), Arizona (2004), Singapore (2005), Dubai (2006), New York (2007), and San Francisco (2008).


Sarsfields Results.


The senior B team now playing in what is called the reserve A championship had another great win on Monday night beating Carbury 3-15 to 1-2. They have now qualified for the quarterfinal Well done lads and to the management of Conor Earley and Joe Murray. Junior B: Sarsfields 1-11 Maynooth 1-6. Minor Championship: Srsfields 1-10 Naas 2-10. Unfortunately the minors are now out of the championship. The minor B team got a walkover from Geraldines last night. Well done to our two U16 teams who won last weekend.


Sarsfields Girls Star for Kildare.


Congratulations to the following Sarsfields girls on winning the Leinster under 12 divison 1 title for the first time with Kildare. This is a great achievement for the Sarsfields girls. Photos and match reports on Website shortly.


Emily Aulsberry,Molly Price,Brooke Dunne,Emma Lyons,Shauna Kendricks,Laura Scales,Karla O Reilly,Katie English & Gemma Hartnett.


We also had runner up places with the Cill Dara team, Ciara Morris & Kelly Fisher and the Lilly White team, Anna Lawless & Caoimhe Murphy 




Sarsfields Fixtures for the coming Week.


Club Fixtures August 24th – 30th

 Bord Na nOg fixtures

 Sunday 30th of August

Under 13 League @ 10pm

Celbridge V Sarsfields

 North Board Autumn Leagues

 Friday 28th of August

 Under 13 Hurling Division 3

Sarsfields V Confey @ 6.45 Pitch 3

 Saturday 29th of August

 Under 8 Football Group 1

Sarsfields V Clane @ 1.30pm Pitch 2

Under 8 Football Group 4

Sarsfields V Naas @ 1.30pm Pitch 2

 Under 10 Football Division 1

Cappagh V Sarsfields @ 3pm

Under 10 Football Division 3

Kilcock 2 V Sarsfields 2 @ 3pm

 Under 12 Football Division 1

Celbridge V Sarsfields @ 4.30pm

 Sunday 30th of August

 Under 11 Hurling Division 3

Celbridge V Sarsfields @ 12pm

 Would all managers please text or email results of their matches to the club PRO Tony Ryan Ph. 087-2767338 irrespective of whether your team wins or loses. We have to contact the County Board with our match results so it is important that all managers send us the results of your match, you can also send your results to this email address


New Sash Magazine/Newsletter.


 A New Sash hardcopy magazine/ Newsletter will be published end of August/ beginning September and thereafter every 3 months. Contributors required. Please send articles, anecdotes etc to


More Stupid Quotes. 

‘He’s a rare one. He is extraordinary and it is wonderful to
watch him, the way his brain works and the way he thinks
thoughts…it’s beautiful.’
– Actress Jennifer Aniston on John Mayer



‘Traditionally, most of Australia’s imports come from
– Keppel Enderbery 


‘I’m so smart now. Everyone’s always like ‘take your top off.’
Sorry, NO! They always want to get that money shot. I’m not
– Paris Hilton.


‘Please provide the date of your death.’
– from an IRS letter (American Tax Service)


‘Warning: never use while sleeping.’
– Caution that came with a hair Dryer


‘Tom (Cruise) has – we all have – the right to practice how we
feel. Don’t judge someone until they have tossed your salad.’

– John Travolta  


‘We’re not afraid of challenges. It’s like we always say: if you
want to go out in the rain, be prepared to get burned’
– Anonymous Brazilian Soccer Player



Strange/Bizarre/Quirkie News.  


Football Fiasco.

An edition of Observer Sport Monthly featured a small item about a Moroccan parachutist. The one who, at the opening ceremony for the 1988 African Nations Cup in Casablanca, watched by royalty and the most important men in world football, delayed kick-off by missing the pitch and getting tangled up in the floodlights, where he hung upside down for 45 minutes.

During the last Nations Cup in Mali two years ago, there was a full-scale punch-up on the pitch, involving a Cameroon coach and Malian soldiers. The coach, a former World Cup goalkeeper, had placed a charm in the Mali net. Witchcraft, juju, call it what you like.  


Lost in his own back yard?

One day a police panda car pulled up to Granny’s home and Grampy got out. The constable explained that this elderly gentlemen had said he was lost in the Victoria park.

‘Why, Ivor, ‘ said Granny, ‘You’ve been going there for over 30 years! How on earth could you say you had got lost?’
Leaning close to Granny so the police officer couldn’t hear, he whispered, ‘Wasn’t exactly lost. I was just too tired to walk home.’  


Ancient Golfer


A golf course groundskeeper recently stumbled
onto something unexpected on the greens: A tooth from a 10,000-
year-old mammoth. Groundskeeper Patrick Walker found the 10-
pound tooth Tuesday when he was on the greens about 30 miles
east of Grand Rapids at Morrison Lake Country Club.

The recent high school graduate told The Grand Rapids Press he
knew the tooth exposed by recent rains was from an extinct
elephant because he paid attention in his science classes.  Research assistant Scott Beld from the University of Michigan’s
Museum of Paleontology visited the course and confirmed that
Walker’s find was a mammoth tooth.
Museum of Paleontology visited the course and confirmed that
Walker’s find was a mammoth tooth.

He also visited the site the tooth was found and discovered
bones and a portion of a tusk; fossils that will remain in
place pending further study.
Research assistant Scott Beld from the University of.



Gay Birds


Gay rights protesters in Germany are up in arms because the  Bremerhaven’s Zoo plans to test the sexual orientation of six male Humboldt penguins which have displayed homosexual traits.

But zoo director Heike Kueck said ‘gay groups worldwide have been cursing us since that announcement’.

The zoo says it just wants to encourage the rare Humboldt penguins to breed.  The males have been observed trying to mate with each other and trying to hatch offspring out of stones.
‘We don’t know whether the three male pairs are really homosexual or whether they have just bonded because of a shortage of females,’ said Mrs Kueck, quoted by Germany’s Der Spiegel news magazine.

Gay groups insisted that penguins had a right to form couples without human interference, she said.

‘Nobody here wants to forcibly separate homosexual couples,’ she said.




There’s no fury like a woman scorned!

On the first day Margo packed all her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.  On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.  On the third day, Margo sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each an every room and deposited few half-eaten anchovies dipped in caviar down the curtain rods.

When Margo’s husband Ralph returned with his new girlfriend Tracey, all was bliss for the first few days.  Then slowly, the house began to smell.  They tried everything, cleaning, mopping, and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters
during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting…..Nothing worked.  People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house.   Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, Ralph and Tracey could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually, even the local realtors
refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place. Then Margo called Ralph, and asked how things were going and he told her the saga of the rotting house.  She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, Ralph agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.  She agreed, and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later Ralph and Tracey stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home – including the curtain rods!  



True Story: A Long Way Down


Angel Falls in Venezuela is the world’s highest waterfall, at
979 meters. This waterfall is sixteen times the height of
Niagara Falls.

Although the natives were well aware of the majestic secret
hidden high on a mesa, Angel Falls remained secret until pilot
Jimmie Angel cruised in and landed on top of the mountain in
1935, while searching for gold.

The problem was, he couldn’t get off. Angel’s plane got stuck in
the boggy jungle, and after he stomped 11 miles back to
civilization, the incredible sight that he had witnessed, became
a tourist drawing card.

At 3,212′ total, Angel Falls are the highest in the world, just
ahead of Tugela Falls in South Africa’s Natal National Park. The
longest single drop is 2,648′.

Angel Falls is powered by an upper tributary of the Rio Caroni,
which flows over the mesa and down to the rocky chasm below. The
mesa, or tepuys, was formed from sandstone, billions of years
ago. While they still stand, the heavy rainfalls in the
highlands is constantly eroding their sides, creating the ‘table
top’ like mountains.

The Falls are located in Canaima National Park, established in
1962, to preserve natural areas from the encroachment of man. It
is a sparsely populated area, with fewer than one person per
square kilometer, and a total of only 10,000 inhabitants in an
area of 3,000,000ha. The nearest city is Ciudad Bolivar, almost  

600km to the north.


True Story 2 





America’s Only Royal Palace

Honolulu, Hawaii boasts the only royal palace in the United
States of America.
For a long time, the democratic union of the United States, was
content to do regular diplomatic business with the royal
of Hawaii, King Kalakaua and Queen Lili’uokalani. Then in 1893,
they overthrew the monarchy and ousted the King and Queen, not
only from their positions, but also from the beautiful Honolulu
palace that had been built for them in 1882.

From that date on, the once luxurious building was stripped of
its artifacts, and used as a seat of state or territorial
government. But when Hawaii gained its statehood in 1959, a new
capitol building was erected, and the former palace was vacated.

After ten years as one of the United States, a new pride in
their history and traditions led Hawaiians to revive dying arts
like the hula dance, canoe paddling and the native language. A
group formed for the restoration of the palace, and recovery of
its treasures, and artifacts relating to the last Hawaiian

The palace today, gives people a glimpse of a bygone era. The
elegant staircase, hand-carved from native Hawaiian woods, leads
up to the second floor and the quarters of the Royal family. On
the first floor, is the dining room and Throne room.

The palace’s original cost was a whopping $360,000, but it is
money well represented today
in the refurbished Throne room
awash in crimson and gold décor. King Kalakaua was a man of
vision, not only having electricity installed four years before
the American White House had it, but he also had indoor flushes,
and telephones.

No longer a government seat, the palace is open to tours, where
visitors can walk through exquisitely decorated salons that
feature 7,000 feet of koa wood.



Three Old Men

Three elderly gentlemen were talking about what their grandchildren would be saying about them fifty years from now.

‘I would like my grandchildren to say, ‘He was successful in business’, declared the first man.

‘Fifty years from now, ‘said the second, ‘I want them to say, ‘He was a loyal family man’.

Turning to the third gent, the first gent asked, ‘So what do you want them to say about you in fifty years?’

‘Me?’ the third man replied. ‘I want them all to say, ‘He certainly looks good for his age!’


Short of a Word or Two…

A prince had a curse put on him when he was a little boy. He
could only speak two words every year. But, if he didn’t speak
for a whole year, he would then be able to speak 4 words the
next year and so on.

One day he met a princess named Josie and he wanted to say ‘My

The next year he saw her he wanted to say ‘My princess, i love
you’. The third year he saw her he wanted to say ‘My princess I love
you, will you marry me?’ But, the young prince, now growing
older knew he would have to wait a couple more years.

So, on the fifth year, excited to finally present his question,
he visited the princess.

He approached her respectfully and asked, ‘JOSIE, MY PRINCESS, I

And the princess said, ‘Pardon?’

Affectionate Husband
Brian had asked Dave to help him out with cutting his rather large garden hedge after work, so Dave  went straight over to Brian’s home. When they got to the front door, Brian went straight up to his wife, gave her a big hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her excellent cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her.

Once they were cutting the privet, Dave told Brian that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Brian said that he’d started this about six months ago, it had revived their marriage, and things couldn’t be better. Dave thought he’d give it a go.

When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears.  Dave was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, ‘This is the worst day of  the week. First, little Nigel fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And to top it all now, you come home drunk!’  

Drunk Driver Test

Paul, an accomplished juggler was driving to his next performance in Baltimore when he is stopped by the Highway patrol.

‘What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?’ enquires the cop.

‘I’m a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act,’ announces Paul amiably.

‘Oh yeah?’ says the doubtful cop. ‘Let’s see you do it then.’ Sighing, Paul the juggler climbs out of his motor and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully.

A couple driving by slows down to watch. ‘Wow,’ says the driver to his wife. ‘I’m glad I quit drink driving. Look at the test they’re giving now.’



In a city park stood two statues, one female and the other male.
These two statues faced each other for many years.

Early one morning, an angel appeared before the statues and
said, ‘Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have
brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest
wish. I herby give you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to
do whatever you desire.’

And with that command, the statues came to life, smiled at each
other, ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of

The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues
giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping. After 15 minutes,
the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling.
Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues,
‘You still have 15 minutes. Would you like to continue?’

The male statue looked at the female and asked, ‘Do you want to
do it again?’ Smiling, the female statue said, ‘Sure. But this time you hold
the pigeon down and I’ll crap on its head.’






‘Waiter – There’s a Fly in My Champagne’

A multi-national company held a reception to celebrate Christmas.  The waiter gave each guest a glass of champagne, but on inspection, each guest noticed that their glass contained a fly.

· The Swede asked for new champagne in the same glass

· The Englishman demanded to have new champagne in a new glass

· The Finn picked out the fly out and drank the champagne

· The Russian drank the champagne, fly and all

· The Chinese ate the fly but left the champagne

· The Israeli caught the fly and sold it to the Chinese

· The Italian drank two thirds of the champagne and then demanded to have a new glass

· The Norwegian took the fly and went off to fish

· The Irishman ground the fly and mixed it in the champagne, which he then donated to the Englishman

· The American sued the restaurant and claimed for a $50 million compensation

· The Scotsman grabbed the fly by the throat and shouted, ‘Now wee laddie spit ou all tha ya swallowed.’  


Standing up to the Wife

A mild mannered man was tired of his wife always bossing him
around, so he went to a psychiatrist. The doctor told him he had
to develop self-esteem. The doctor gave him a booklet on
assertiveness training, which he read on the way home.

When he walked through the door and his wife came to greet him,
he told her, ‘From now on I’m the man of this house and my word
is law.

When I come home from work, I want my dinner on the table. Now
go upstairs and lay me some clothes on the bed, because I’m
going out with the boys tonight. Then draw my bath. When I get
out of the tub, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?’

‘The undertaker,’ she replied.