Sarsfields Newsletter

November 8, 2018

THE SASH Thursday August 20th  2009


The Weekly Online Newsletter of Sarsfields GAA Club.   


Sarsfields take care of Confey with Ease
Wyeth Senior Football Championship Round 1

Sash drawn in Round 2 against Champions Celbridge.


Sarsfields 3-14 Confey 0-6

By Tommy Callaghan



SARSFIELDS and Confey met in the quarter-final of last season’s championship with the Newbridge side winning 1-14 to 1-11. On Saturday last, in the first of a three match programme at St. Conlelth’s, the same teams met again only this time the only

thing that did not change was the colour of the jerseys as Hugh Kenny’s side sent out a warning that they will have a major say in the destination of the Dermot Burke Cup in 2009.

And make no mistake about it The Sash were worth every one of their 17 point winning margin as they dominated from the
throw in; were on top in practically every position of the park and without doubt, have had harder training sessions that what they encountered here


Confey, managed by former Laois favourite, Leo Turley, are in their third season at this level. However, if this is anything to go by they will surely struggle, and struggle badly, to remain in the senior ranks.
The Sash, lining out with five changes in personnel from the side that needed a Conor Tiernan goal to rescue them last term, have a fine looking mix of youth and experience. How good they really are we will have to wait for another day, giving the weakness of the opposition here, but make no mistake this Newbridge side is heading in the right direction and it will indeed be interesting to see how they progress as the championship unfolds. Frankie Barry opened the scoring for Confey after two minutes and that was as good as it got for them as The Sash gradually took control around the middle with Dermot Earley and Gary White dictating throughout.

Ray Cahill leveled up for Sarsfields who then added points through Alan Smith, Cahill again and an excellent Gary White 50 yard free. In fact one of the highlights of this game (and they weren’t many) was the free taking of Gary White who kicked long distance points with absolute ease.
Hugh Lynch, one of the better Confey players, made a fine catch to set up Rob McMahon in the 18th for Confey’s second point but the response from Sarsfields was swift and severe.

Padraig Brennan brought out the best in Keith Sullivan, however with the defence slow to clear, up stepped Robert Confrey to first time the ball to the net.

Frankie Barry showed he was as capable of scoring from long range as much as Gary White when converting a ’45’ to leave the score reading Sarsfields 1-4 Confey 0-3.

Ray Cahill popped over his third and inside a minute the game was effectively over when Cahill gained possession 55 yards out, spotted Dermot Earley free on the right, off-loaded and the army officer filled the ‘sack.’

Joey Keogh and Frankie Barry raised two flags for Confey but Sash replied through Enda Freaney and two from Alan Smith to leave the half time score reading Sarsfields 2-8 Confey 0-5. The second half was all one way traffic with Confey managing just one more point while Sarsfields tacked on 1-6. The goal coming from Alan Smith with Robert Confrey and Keith Harvey also involved in the sweeping move.

So on march The Sash who will look on this one as a mere stepping stone to greater things. For Confey, they can only surely improve as they bid to retain senior championship football come 2010.

Sarsfields: John Melia; Steven Lawlor, Sean Campbell, Conor Duffy; Martin Dunne, Robert Murphy, Keith Harvey 0-1; Gary White 0-3 (3 frees), Dermot Earley 1-0; Ray Cahill 0-3, Alan Barry, Robert Confrey 1-1; Alan Smith 1-3, Pauric Brennan 0-1 (free), Enda Freaney 0-1. Subs:Michael Browne for Enda Freaney (50 minute); Paddy Campbell 0-1 for Alan Smith (50 minute); Steve Usher for Sean Campbell (53 minute


Confey: Keith Sullivan; John Quigley, Donal McClean, Conor Jennings; Joey Keogh 0-1, Michael Finn, Robert McMahon 0-1; Hugh Lynch, Colm Quinn; Dan McDowell, Frank Barry 0-2 (1 free), Mark Lunch; Dara Nolan, James Gatley, Ciaran Divilly. Subs: Eoin Fitzpatrick for Mark Lundy (half time); Dan 0-1 (free), Enda Freaney 0-1. Subs: Frank Ryder for Donal McClean (46 minute); Daragh Walshe for Dan McDowell (46 minute); Ger Donnelly for Ciaran Divilly (46 minute)


Reserve Senior Championship: Sarsfields 3-15 Maynooth 0-8


The Senior B team playing in what is now known as the Reserve Senior Championship had a superb opening win in the championship on Monday night when the defeated Maynooth 3-15 to 0-8. Congratulations to the team and the management team of Connor Earley and his selector Joe Murray. Conor has been doing an excellent job in his first year in management. The will now play Carbury in the next round Congratulations to Conor’s brother and senior panel member David and his wife Sinead on the birth of their first born, a baby boy last Saturday.


Our two junior teams narrowly lost out in their 2nd Round championship ties to Straffan and Maynooth Respectively by two points while the minors lost to a fancied Naas team by 1-8 to 0-8 and will have to win their last game  to qualify for the Quarterfinals.



Sarsfields Fixtures for the coming Week.


Wyeth SFC. Saturday 22nd August. St. Conleth’s Park at 5.30pm Sarsfields V Celbridge


Bord Na nOg fixtures

Saturday 22nd of August

Under 16 A Championship @ 1pm

St Coco’s V Sarsfields

Under 16 B Championship @ 1pm

Carbury V Sarsfields*

Senior Camoige Championship

Monday 24th of August @ 7pm

Maynooth V Sarsfields


 Tuesday 25th  of August

Ladies Senior Championship @ 7pm

Sarsfields V Ballyna Sarsfields main pitch

Ladies Junior D Championship @ 7pm

Milltown V Sarsfields 2

Would all managers please text or email results of their matches to the club PRO Tony Ryan Ph. 087-2767338. We have to contact the County Board with our match results so it is important that all managers send us the results of your match, you can also send your results to this email address


New Sash Magazine/Newsletter.


 A New Sash hardcopy magazine/ Newsletter will be published end of August/ beginning September and thereafter every 3 months. Contributors required. Please send articles, anecdotes etc to


More Stupid Quotes. 


‘[The kabalah] helps you confront your fears. Like, if a girl
borrowed my clothes and never gave them back and I saw her
wearing them months later, I would confront her. ‘
– Paris Hilton


‘Sure. Technically, I don’t know.’
– Senator John McCain asked if the U.S. is in a recession, ’60
  Minutes’ interview, Sept. 21, 2008.


‘I have said that I’m not running and I’m having a great time
being pres – being a first-term senator.’
– Hilary Clinton, on her presidential ambitions.



‘We have a lot of kids who don’t know what works means. They
think work is a four-letter word.’
– Hillary Clinton


“You can’t just let nature run wild”.
– Wally Hickel, former governor of Alaska




Strange/Bizarre/Quirkie News.  


A pensioner who was trapped upside down in a hole for four hours was rescued after a postal worker saw his feet sticking out. Albert Hughes, 70, was trying to adjust the water flow to his garden sprinklers when he fell head first into the narrow shaft housing the water meter.

When post woman Janelle Maury called to deliver letters, she saw his boots and heard his cries for help reports the Mirror. ‘His feet were at ground level but that was all I could see. When I was closer I could see he was down there. I just couldn’t believe he was upside down for that long.’

The emergency services arrived but they couldn’t pull him out by hand. Firemen had to erect a tripod over the hole. They then attached a rope and straps to his feet and winched him out of the pit at his home in Spokane, Washington state, USA.

He was released, later the same day, from hospital uninjured. 



Hypnotist Tries To Steal A Kiss

A South Korean hypnotist was fined $2,453 for trying to kiss
a woman on a a blind date that he thought he had hypnotized.

The man convinced his blind date to be hypnotized and when she
agreed he chanted: ‘Black hole! You will plunge deeper into a
trance. You will feel thrilled all over your body and if my hand
touches your body, you will feel intense pleasure.’

When the man tried to kiss the woman, she pushed him away and
filed a police report.

 True Story 


 If You Had Half A Brain…..

Some species of dolphin sleep with one eye open.  
How many times have you heard someone say that as an insult?
It’s meant as a disparaging remark, implying that even half a
brain would make someone smarter than they appear to be at that
moment. The same people who use that expression, would be
surprised at what half a brain can do.

The human brain has two halves, often likened to the shape
nature of half a walnut. Cells within that brain are organized
in a way that is particular to humans and primates, that is,
having the centers that control higher levels of thinking, such
as organization, located at the front of both lobes.

On the other hand, the dolphin’s brain while having the two
lobes, divides certain basic functions to each lobe, an ability
that likely keeps it alive. Because dolphins must ‘breathe’
constantly, only one half of their brain ‘sleeps’ at any given
time, allowing the other half to run their respiratory system.

Dolphins have a large brain, relative to the size of their
bodies, but it appears to be the structure that contributes to
their unique intelligence. Scientists studying fossil remains of
the dolphin’s ancestors, have discovered that their skulls
underwent the same type of encephalization as humans and
primates, when the bone structure changed to accommodate a brain
that grew in size, as it developed in thinking and reasoning


 True Story 2


The Ups and Downs


People who ride on roller coasters have a higher chance of
having a blood clot in the brain.

If life’s ups and downs are getting to you, take yourself off to
the fairgrounds and hark back to the young and carefree days,
when you were brave enough to ride the roller coasters. Or if
the idea has already given you vertigo, try some of this trivia:

The tallest roller coaster in America is
also the fastest.
Superman the Escape, at Six Flags Magic Mountain in Valencia,
California is 415′ high, and reaches speeds of 100 mph. But
Cedar Point in Sandusky, Ohio offers you quantity: 13 roller
coasters in the same park.

The ‘loops’ on roller coaster rides, are actually called
klothoids, a shape that has a varying radius of curvature, which
is wider at the bottom, than the top.

Coney Island, New York was home to one of the earliest and most
famous roller coasters. The ride, which opened in 1927,
was  called ‘The Cyclone’. It became so famous, it spawned dozens of
imitators, and almost eighty years later, ‘Cyclone’ is still the
most popular name for a roller coaster.

The oldest roller coaster in the world, is called Leap-The-Dips,
and it was built in 1902. The famous ride, which still runs in
Lakemont Park, Pennsylvania, is the last existing side-friction,
figure eight roller coaster. Stretched out, it would be 1452′
long, is 41′ at its highest point, a maximum dip of 9′, and a
speed of 10mph.

Those who enjoy the ‘big ride’ should be warned, that health
researchers have recorded a number of cases of blood clots on
the brain, from riding roller coasters. While there is no
specific evidence, they suggest that the subdural haematomas, or
bleeding on the surface of the brain, are caused by either the
back and forth motion, or the acceleration force that comes into
play when the coaster goes down an incline.




Learning to Fish

Mrs Baker wanted to go ice fishing. She had read several books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary equipment together, she made her way out onto the ice.

After positioning her comfy stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.

Frighteningly, from up above, a voice boomed, ‘There are no fish under the ice.’ Startled, Mrs Baker moved farther down the ice, poured herself a large coffee, and began to cut yet another hole.

Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed, ‘There are no fish under the ice.’ Mrs Baker, now became very concerned so she moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, andbegan again to cut her ice-hole.

The voice rang out once more, ‘There are no fish under the ice.’  Mrs Baker, stopped, looked upwards and said, ‘Is that you, Lord?’

The voice replied, ‘No, this is the Ice-Rink Manager.’

The Jury:

In a criminal justice system based on 12 individuals not smart enough to get out of jury duty, here is a jury of which to be proud.

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defence’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.

‘Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all,’ the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. ‘Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom.’  He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.
Finally the lawyer said, ‘Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed, and I insist that you return a verdict of not guilty.’

The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.
‘But how?’ inquired the lawyer. ‘You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door.’

The jury foreman replied, ‘Yes, we did look, but your client didn’t.’.

Smart Blonde

A blonde woman walks into a bank and says to the teller: ‘I need
a loan of $5000 for my business trip to Japan, please.’

The teller says: ‘All right, the interest will be $20. What do
you have for collateral?’

The blonde hands over the keys to a Ferrari. She asks: ‘Will
this be enough?’

The teller fills out her papers and gets her the loan. While the
blonde is on her trip, the teller, curious about the woman,
checks her bank account and finds that she. is a millionaire.
When she returns from the trip the teller says to her: ‘While
you were away, I checked your accounts, and found that you are a
millionaire. Why did you take out that loan?’

The blonde looks at him and says: ‘Where else could I park my
Ferrari for $20 and expect it to be here when I got back?’

Experimental Pill

A woman goes to the doctor and complains her husband is losing interest in sex.

He gives her a pill but warns her that it’s still experimental. He tells her to slip it in his mashed potatoes at dinner. At dinner that night, she does just that.

About a week later she’s back at the doctor and tells him, ‘The pill worked great! I put it in his mashed potatoes like you said.

It wasn’t five minutes later that he jumped up, pushed all the food and dishes to the floor, grabbed me, ripped off all my clothes and ravaged me right there on the table.’

The doctor says, ‘Oh dear — I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill
was that strong. The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages.’

The lady replied, ‘That’s very kind – but I don’t think the restaurant will let us back in anyway.’

Small World



Two men were out playing golf on a nice Saturday afternoon.

They were getting frustrated, though, because the two women who were playing right in front of them were quite slow, and were holding up the men’s game.

‘Don’t they know their supposed to let us play through?!’ asked the first man.

The other man shook his head. ‘I’m going to go ask them if we can play through,’ said the first man,



emphatically, ‘Enough is enough!’

He started walking over toward the women, but as he got close, he suddenly turned around and came back, white as a ghost.

‘Oh God,’ he said to his friend, ‘This is awful. You’re going to have to ask those women if we can play through. You see, one of them is my wife, and the other is my mistress!’

The other man shrugged, and said ‘No sweat.’

He walked over toward the women, and just as he was getting close, turned around and came running back to his pal. His eyes wide open, he said – ‘Small world isn’t it!’



In front of the local butcher’s, an art connoisseur noticed a mangy little kitten lapping up milk from a saucer. The saucer, he realised with a start, was a rare and precious piece of pottery. It was, in fact, a collector’s item.

He strolled into the store and offered two pounds for the cat.

‘He’s not for sale,’ said the butcher.

‘Look,’ said the collector, ‘that cat is dirty and scabby, but I’m an eccentric. I prefer cats that way. I’ll raise my offer to ten pounds.’

‘It’s a deal,’ said the proprietor, and pocketed the ten immediately.

‘For that amount of money I’m sure you won’t mind throwing in the saucer,’ said the connoisseur, ‘The kitten seems so happy drinking from it.’

‘I can’t do that,’ said the butcher firmly, ‘That’s my lucky saucer. Because of that saucer, so far this week, I’ve sold 18 cats.’

The light of God

70-year-old George went for his annual physical. He told the
doctor that he felt fine, but often had to go to the bathroom
during the night. Then he said, ‘But you know Doc, I’m blessed.
God knows my eyesight is going, so he puts on the light when I
pee, and turns it off when I’m done!’

A little later in the day, Dr. Smith called George’s wife and
said, ‘Your husband’s test results were fine, but he said
something strange that has been bugging me. He claims that God

turns the light on and off for him when uses the bathroom at

Thelma exclaimed, ‘That old fool! He’s been peeing in the
refrigerator again!’