Sarsfields Newsletter

November 8, 2018

THE SASH Tuesday July14th 2009


The Weekly Online Newsletter of Sarsfields GAA Club. 


Experience counts for slick Dublin



By Eugene McGee

Monday July 13 2009

I doubt there will be a better game of football this year than the one of near epic proportions we witnessed in Croke Park yesterday. All the components that have made Gaelic football, old and modern, the great game that it can be were there in abundance to the delight of the 74,573 spectators who were fortunate enough to be present.

The few neutrals present, and the Leinster Council, would surely have loved to see a draw, but that would have been unfair to Dublin. In all aspects of creating and implementing a winning team performance, they were slightly better than Kildare.

The decisive factor in this mammoth contest was the experience gained by the Dublin players over the past five years. That quality has been hard-earned and often at the expense of failure in major matches, but it paid off in spades in the second half of this game as more often than not, Dublin players took the right option with good effect.

At this stage, we must make it clear that in almost all facets of play, Kildare were as good as Dublin but some careless shooting in the first half proved costly. But in terms of organisation, discipline, fitness and tactics, Kildare were a revelation and their manager Kieran McGeeney must take enormous credit for the transformation over less than two years.

One blemish in their tactical approach yesterday was the failure to make better use of the extra player after Ger Brennan was sent off in the 18th minute.

Kildare tended to opt for a more conservative approach rather than going full belt at the champions, which had proved so successful in the second quarter when Kildare scored seven points from play.

In All-Ireland terms, Dublin grew in stature in this match more than any other of their recent Leinster finals because they were facing a tougher challenge and had to play most of the game with only 14 players. They had also to cope with a disastrous defensive performance in the first half when Kildare forwards tore the defence apart and ended up scoring an astonishing 12 points from play.

It was ironic for Dublin that their back-line was strengthened as a result of the sending off of Brennan because the rejigged defence, which brought Bryan Cullen into the centre half-back position, steadied greatly and confined Kildare to just six second-half points, again all from play.

Bernard Brogan was outstanding for Dublin and his scoring of the last five points of the game was an amazing achievement, considering the pressure the players were under at that decisive stage of the game.

But the men who prevented an almost sinking Dublin defence from drowning in the opening period were David Henry and Barry Cahill, who heroically stood in front of the Kildare onslaught. That said, Pat Gilroy will have cause for concern when he reviews the video of the Dublin back-line in the first half, when Kildare seemed to be largely unchallenged as they took points from all angles and distances.

The fact that Kildare scored no less than four fisted points in that half shows how easy it was to get through that back-line, but then things changed substantially in the second half. Incidentally, Kildare defenders were also very loose in the opening 10 minutes at a cost of 1-3 by Dublin forwards.

The quality of score-taking by both teams was magnificent and I have rarely seen so many super scores in one match. One of the main reasons for this was the performance of referee Pat McEneaney. His moral courage in ignoring a rake of half-fouls and keeping the play moving determined the whole nature of this game.

A few more referees like him would revolutionise Gaelic football and halve the number of frees in most games. Yesterday proved that with brilliant results.








Sarsfields Fixtures for the coming Week. 


Would all managers please text or email results of their matches to the club PRO Tony Ryan Ph. 087-2767338. We have to contact the County Board with our match results so it is important that all managers send us the results of your match, you can also send your results to this email address Due to the draw between Kildare and Dublin in the minor championship all minor championships games due to be played on Wednesday have been cancelled. Kildare minors replay takes place in Dr Cullen Park Carlow at 3pm on Saturday 18th of July. The junior hurlers play their first round of the championship on Friday night in Clane V Naas at 7.30pm. All support welcome.

Wednesday 15th of July

Senior League Division 4 @ 7.30pm

Leixlip V Sarsfields


Monday 20th of July

Senior League Division 4 @ 7.30pm

 Carbury V Sarsfields

Senior League Division 5 @ 7.30pm

 Kill V Sarsfields



More Stupid Quotes.  


‘We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to
distribute poverty equally.’
– Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign minister


‘We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain
types of people.’
– Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC instructor  

‘We understand the importance of having bondage between parents
and their children.’
– Dan Quayle




Strange/Bizarre/Quirkie News.




STRATFORD, Connecticut Police say a Connecticut man has been arrested
because he showed up at a dental office naked. Police say 41-
year-old Christopher Hoff, of Stratford, also was five days late
for his appointment. Authorities said Hoff entered Optimus
Dental’s office Monday with nothing on. A startled female
receptionist screamed, and he ran away.

Officers went to his home, and Hoff told them he had been
sleeping all day. Police took Hoff to the dental office, where
the receptionist identified him.


Living on the edge. . . Literally


RIO DE JANEIRO Two brothers in Rio are living over the edge,
literally: sleeping, working and eating on the side of a
building 33 feet (10 meters) up in the air. Twenty-seven-year-
old Tiago Primo and his 20-year-old brother Gabriel spend 12
hours a day in the bed, hammock, chair and dining table they’ve
attached to a bright red-and-yellow wall as part of an art
exhibit in Rio’s old center.

The brothers are equipped with mountain climbing gear, and if
nature calls, can scramble over to the verandah of a neighboring
art gallery, where an indoor bathroom awaits.

The brothers have been hanging out wall-side since the end of
May. They plan to continue the display until Aug. 20.

Hoff was charged with disorderly conduct, public indecency and
failure to comply with fingerprinting.


 True Story


If It Barks Like a Dog….

There is a species of bird, Antpitta avis canis Ridgley, that
barks like a dog.

Man’s relationship to animals, has fostered some unusual
bonuses. In becoming closer to certain species, and
domesticating them, the animals themselves have turned the
tables on their human counterparts. Take for instance, birds.

You may call them bird-brained, and for certain, they don’t have
the physical features that produce speech in a human, but these
feathered friends are often as fond of calling you, as you are
of them.

Parrots have been kept as pets for thousands of years,
specifically for this talent of mimicking human speech. The
African Grey parrot was highly popular in Greek and Roman times.
Macaws, which are a parrot-like bird, can also be taught some
speech if you have patience, but are not as chatty as a true
parrot. Cockatoos, however, are real performers, often ruffling
their beautiful head crest before repeating something you might
not have wanted overheard by the kids. Even the common
or budgie as it’s also known, can be taught by repetition to
imitate specific things, including words and sentences. They
will often pick up sounds on their own, such as a whistling
kettle, or a dog barking.

Although if you want to really hear a bird bark, you need to
take a trip to the Andes, in Ecuador. For it was there, in 1998,
that ornithologist Robert S. Ridgely discovered a black and
white duck-like bird with long legs,which startled the daylights
out of them by barking like a dog. The bark is a natural sound,
and not a learned imitation. The species, now named Antpitta
avis canis Ridgely, is the largest bird species discovered in
the last half century. There were 30 specimens in the area at
the time, and it was suspected that they have remained concealed
from Man, due to their remote location.


True Story 2

Batty For Frogs

Frog-eating bats identify edible frogs from poisonous ones by
listening to the mating calls of male frogs. Frogs counter this
by hiding and using short, difficult to locate calls.

 The most common question about bats, is why they hang upside
down. And the answer is quite simple, when you understand a
little about what a bat is.  

They are the world’s only flying mammal, and not a species of
bird. As a member of the order Chiroptera, or hand-wing, the bat
has delicate and amazing wing structure, consisting of two
layers of skin over light bones. Their toes, along with the
hooked claws at the end of four jointed fingers and a ‘thumb’ on
each wing, help them to crawl along a wall or tree trunk.

But the bat is the only mammal to rely mainly on wings for
locomotion. As a result, their leg structure does not have the
strength to keep them in an upright position for very long. They
are, however, able to grip a branch, and in order to take the
weight off their feet, they hang upside down. Even their young,
born live, and one per year, are forced to hang the same way, to
feed from the pectoral breasts.

When the bat wants to feed, it takes off into the night, using
an echo-sound system that bounces signals off objects as small
as a bug, to locate them. One of their favorite meals is a frog,
which are made even easier to locate in the dark, when they are
croaking for a mate. Whether it is innate intelligence, or
simply experience, bats are able to tell the call of a poisonous
frog, from that of one that is edible.

The primary diet of bats, are night insects, which they consume
in great numbers, even though they can’t ‘see’ them. The Bracken
Cave in central Texas, is home to 30 million bats, that can eat
up to 200 tons of insects in an evening!

Contrary to popular belief, bat’s don’t want to bite your neck.
Of the over 1,000 species, only three actually live on blood,
and they apparently have no taste for humans.


Classic Tommy Cooper Jokes

Tommy Cooper was a comedian’s comedian.  The main reason was because he broke every rule in the book.  Other comedians would like to have tried what Tommy did, but only he could attempt the outrageous and not only get away with it but also turn the outrageous into his signature tune.  Jokes going deliberately going wrong became his trade mark, but there are other subtler things Tommy Cooper did that lesser comedians cannot, for example repeating a joke once he got the first a laugh.  

‘I had a meal last night. I ordered everything in French, surprised everybody. It was a Chinese restaurant. I said to this Chinese waiter, ‘Look, this chicken I got here is cold.’

He said, ‘It should be, it’s been dead two weeks.’

I said, ‘Not only that.’ I said, I said… I said it twice, I said, ‘He’s got one leg shorter than the other.’

‘He said, ‘What do you wanna do with it, eat it or dance with it?’

I said, ‘Forget the chicken, give me a lobster, and he brought me this lobster. I said just a minute, he’s only got one claw.’
He said ‘Well he’s been in a fight.’
I said, ‘Well give me the winner.’


A man goes into the doctors. The doctor says, ‘Go over to the window and stick
your tongue out’. Man says, Why?  
The doctor says, ‘ I don’t like my neighbours’

I went into a butchers and I said, ‘I’ll have a pound of sausages.’

He said, ‘I’m very sorry, sir, we only serve kilos in here.’
I said, ‘Okay then I’ll have a pound of kilos.’  


Murphy’s Flight Laws

No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and
need the delay to make the flight.

If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the
farthest gate in the terminal.

If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be

Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.

If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence
just as soon as you touch pen to paper.

If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the
seats on the aisle and the window while you are still in the
boarding area. Just look for the two largest passengers.

Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go
to the toilet

The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to
The best-looking woman on your flight is never seated next to

The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the
more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard.

An Alternative Medical Dictionary:
Artery The study of paintings
Barium What Doctors do when patients die
Caesarean Section A neighbourhood in Rome
Cauterize Made eye contact with her
Colic A sheep dog
D&C Where Washington is
Dilate To live long
Enema Not a friend
Fibula A small lie
Genital Not a Jew
Impotent Distinguished, well known
Labour Pain Getting hurt at work
Morbid A higher offer
Nitrates Cheaper than day rates
Node Was aware of
Outpatient A person who has fainted
Post-Operative Letter carrier
Recovery Room Place to do upholstery
Seizure Roman Emperor
Tablet Small table
Terminal Illness Getting sick at the airport
Urine Opposite of ‘You’re out’  


 Church News

A  snippet from the the Roman Catholic Holy Spirit Church in Marple, Stockport in the diocese of Shrewsbury, England.
New Carpet: There will be a discussion in May as to how we might raise funds
for the new carpet.  All who wish to do something on the carpet should come forward and do so now.

Baptisms: From now on, the North and South ends of the church will be utilised. Children will be baptised at both ends.

Church Service with a Difference

Seen on the notice board of a church:
Try heeling our services. (Try our healing services?)
You won’t get better.

Charity Begins at Church

After the church service, seven year old Brian said to the preacher: ‘When I grow up, I’m going to give you some money.’
‘Well, thank you,’ the preacher replied, ‘but why?’
‘Because my daddy says that you’re one of the poorest preachers we’ve ever had.’

 Funny Church Announcements

The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of Roderick James Hillman, the sin of Revd. and Mrs. Hillman.
For those of you who have children – and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Vicar Rides Again  

The Reverend Douglas Johnston was not the best of drivers.  One Sunday he was driving home from church when unfortunately, he had a minor bump with cyclist.  The poor man was knocked off his bike into the ditch. The Vicar naturally stopped his car, got out and profusely apologised and gave the cyclist his calling card saying that if he could ever be of help, then the man should not hesitate to ask.

As the man rode home he looked at the card which said, ‘The Reverend Douglas Johnston is sorry he missed you today

Meeting The Parents



A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he’d like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl’s parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. ‘Oh, I’m so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!’

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, ‘I had no idea you were this religious.’

The boy turns, and whispers back, ‘I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.’

National Health Service

In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower, and spinach, with green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God’s bountiful gifts, Satan created Haagen Das Ice Cream and Magnums. And Satan said: ‘You want hot fudge with that?’ And Man said: ‘Yes!’ And Woman said: ‘I’ll have one too …with sprinkles.’ And lo they
gained 10 pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane, and combined them. And Woman went from size 2 to size 14.

So God said: ‘Try my fresh green garden salad.’ And Satan presented crumbled Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said: ‘I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them.’ And Satan brought forth deep-fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks, and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man’s cholesterol went through the roof.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition. Then Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds.

God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald’s and the .99 pence double cheeseburger. Then Satan said, ‘You want fries with that?’ And Man replied: ‘Yes! And super size ’em!’ And Satan said: ‘It is good.’ And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.