Sarsfields Newsletter

THE SASH Wednesday June 17th 2009

The Weekly Online Newsletter of Sarsfields GAA Club. 

Sunday Tribune.

Kildare Come to Boil

The semi final against Laois is scheduled for Saturday week in Tullamore at 7pm While Kildare minors will play their Leinster semi-final against Meath in Navan at 2pm on the same day. What a great day for Kildare football if both minors and seniors  can qualify and both will be in action in Croke Park on July 12^th.

Different Venue Different Price, Same venue Different Attendance.

Are the stand and the terrace more comfortable for fans in Tullamore than in Carlow? They obviously are according to the Leinster Council since they have announced a price increase for the semi final. Stand tickets in Tullamore are €30 a 50% increase and the terrace is priced at €20 a 33% increase than the Carlow charge of  €20 and €15 respectively. This is certainly no way to encourage more fans to go to games after the complaints that there were only 8,000 in Carlow. However there is some question over the official attendance of 8,000. According to RTE the capacity of Dr Cullen Park is 19,000. It looked that the venue was at least ¾ full. So where would the extra 11,000 have been accommodated? There were certainly more than 8,000 in Carlow on Saturday night. Some estimates reckon the real attendance was 15,000. That figure is closer to the reality.

Leinster Leader Senior Football League Division 1 2009

SFL: Sarsfields V Allenwood tonight at 7.30 in Allenwood and V Maynooth in Sarsfields Park on Saturday night at 7.30

Sarsfields Fixtures for the coming Week. 

Wednesday 17th of June

Senior Football Division 1  7.30pm

Allenwood V Sarsfields

Minor Football Challenge 7.00pm

Portarlington V Sarsfields

Friday 19th of June

Junior Hurling at 7.30pm

Sarsfields V St Laurence’s

Saturday 20th of June

Senior Football Division 1 at 7.30pm

Sarsfields V Maynooth

Monday 22nd of June

Senior League Division 4 at7.30pm

Junior Hurling at 7.30pm

Sarsfields V St Laurence’s

Saturday 20th of June

Senior Football Division 1 @ 7.30pm

Sarsfields V Maynooth

Monday 22nd of June*

Senior League Division 4 at 7.30pm

St Laurence’s V Sarsfields


Bord Na nOg

 Sunday 21st of June

Under 14 League Division 1 @11am

Sarsfields A V Clane 

Under 14 League Division 4 at11am

Sarsfields B V Killcullen

 Under-age Football Fixtures North Board

 Saturday 20th of June

Under 8 North Board 1.30pm

Naas 1 V Sarsfields 1 

Naas 2 V Sarsfields 2 

Friday June 19th

Under 10 Division 3 Hurling at 7pm

Sarsfields V Sallins 3rd Pitch

Ladies Football

Saturday 20th of June

Under 12 Division 1 Final at 12.30pm

Sarsfields V St Laurence’s Main Pitch

Saturday 20th of June at 2pm

Sarsfields U/14 Blitz Main Pitch

Camoige

Saturday 20th of June

Underage Camoige 10-12noon Main Pitch

Would all managers please text or email results of their matches to the club PRO Tony Ryan tonyr06@eircom.net Ph. 087-2767338. We have to contact the County Board with our match results so it is important that all managers send us the results of your match, you can also send your results to this email address sarsfieldsgaa@gmail.com.

More Stupid Quotes.

‘I’m gradually beginning to feel that we Chinese need to be
controlled. If we’re not being controlled, we’ll just do what we
want.’
– Actor Jackie Chan explaining why he’s uncertain if freedom is
a good thing for China while participating in a panel
at the annual Boao Forum in China on April 18.

‘All of a sudden you’re like the Bin Laden of America. Osama bin
Laden is the only one who knows what I’m going through.’
– R. Kelly, 2003, after a court hearing on charges of child
  pornography.

‘I told him, ‘Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?’ He said, ‘Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.’ Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player.

Football coach, Bum Phillips, when asked by Bob Cost why he takes his wife on all away trips, Phillips responded, ‘Because she is too dang ugly to kiss good-bye!’

‘[The kabalah] helps you confront your fears. Like, if a girl
borrowed my clothes and never gave them back and I saw her
wearing them months later, I would confront her.’
– Paris Hilton

‘All of them, any of them that have been in front of me over all
these years.’
– Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, responding to a request by CBS presenter
Katie Couric to name the newspapers or magazines she reads,
broadcast Oct. 1, 2008.

Strange/Bizarre/Quirkie News.

MADRID – A bakery is being sued by the Spanish Trade Union after
it had allegedly thrown out the severed arm of a worker. The
worker had lost his arm in an accident with the kneading
machine. The Workers Commissions said in a statement Wednesday
that Bolivian immigrant Franns Rilles lost his left arm in May
28 at the Rovira bakery in the eastern Valencia region.

The union said that while Rilles was being taken to a hospital
someone tossed his arm into the garbage. It says the bakery then
cleaned the machinery and continued production.

Police found the arm the next day, the union said, but doctors
were unable to reattach it.

The union said Rilles had worked illegally at the factory for
two years, earning euro23 ($32) a day, and had not been properly
trained on the kneading machinery.

SEATTLE – A dog that ran off from its owner in Seattle’s Seward
Park found and ate some marijuana and got a little bit ‘high’.
Owner Jen Nestor Waddell told KING-TV the 11-year-old black Lab
mix named Jack was ‘just stoned’ May 12 after they returned home
from the park. The dog’s eyes glossed over and he was having
great difficulty walking, apparently it seemed as though he
would stare at his paws as he would try to put them down and
then he?d just fall over.

The vet said Jack had swallowed a large amount of dried,
harvested marijuana. After some medication to induce vomiting
and a night of rest Jack was back to normal. Waddell told police about the drugs and joked they could borrow Jack to find them if they paid the $1,500 vet bill.

ORLANDO, Florida. : A hearing-impaired man is crediting his service
dog with saving his life from a fire. Darrin Weeks said his dog
Roscoe jumped on the bed Sunday to wake him after a fire broke
out in the building of his Orlando duplex. Weeks ran next door,
awoke his neighbor and pulled him out of the fire.

Weeks was not injured in the blaze, although emergency crews
treated his neighbor for smoke inhalation.

The fire is under investigation.

The foxtrot

BERLIN (Reuters) – A fox has been revealed as the mystery thief
of more than 100 shoes in the small German town of Foehren,
authorities said Friday.

A forest worker came across a large quantity of shoes near the
fox’s den and found a hoard of footwear down the hole which had
recently been stolen overnight from outside locals’ front doors.

‘There was everything from ladies’ shoes to trainers,’ said a
local police spokesman. ‘We’ve found between 110 and 120 so far.
It seems a vixen stole them for her cubs to play with.’

Although many were missing laces, the shoes were in good
condition and their owners were delighted to reclaim them, he
said, adding that no reprisals were planned against the culprit.

True Story.

Music Soothes the Stressed Out Surgeon
  

Studies indicate that surgeons who listen to music while they
operate improve in their performance.

 Studies have proven that music ‘soothes the savage beast’ and
can even provide positive benefits to the unborn child. But will
whistling a merry tune as they slice away, reduce stress for
surgeons holding your gall bladder, and possibly your life, in
their hands?

The answer is a ‘resounding’ yes! A 1994 study published in the
American Journal of Medicine, confirmed what doctors themselves
had known for some time- that music aids the concentration and
mood, whether it is a short, or long, involved surgery.

Fifty male surgeons participated in the original study, where
they were randomly assigned either no music, Pachelbel’s Canon,
or their own choice of music. Highest performance ratings, as
noted by cardiovascular reactions, were given to those surgeons
allowed their own choice of music. Pachelbel’s Canon, a
soothing, classical composition rated second, and no music came
last.

Surgeons now say that at least one in three surgeons bring their
own, or their patient’s choice of music into the operating room.
Most cite music’s ability to filter out background noise, and
set the tone/pace for certain procedures, as the reason they
prefer the strains of a Stradivarius, to the sounds of silence.

True Story 2  

I’ll Be Back

For the blockbuster film ‘The Terminator,’ O.J. Simpson was
considered to play the role of the Terminator, but producers did
not choose him as they thought he would not be taken seriously.

  
The line that literally ‘made’ Arnold Schwarzenegger as an
actor, was originally scripted as ‘I’ll come back’. But then,
Arnold wasn’t the first choice for the lead role in the movie,
Terminator.

Among those considered were Jurgen Prochnow, the German leading
man, and O.J. Simpson, who was eventually rejected because
producers didn’t think he would be taken seriously. In the end,
Lance Henriksen was hired for the lead role, and Schwarzenegger
came on board as the hero. But after script readings, Arnold was
bumped up to the lead.

Schwarzenegger basically provided a big, mean looking body for
the Terminator, because he didn’t get a lot of speaking time. In
fact, he utters only 17 sentences, in 16 lines. Two other lines
that he delivers are overdubbed by other characters, and some
spoken in the voice of the heroine’s mother, are delivered as
the Terminator, but not said by him.

So the beefy, former Mr. Universe pretty much succeeded in the
role on action, and his good looks. His handling of weapons
onscreen, actually earned him kudos from Soldier Of Fortune
magazine, which normally pans any Hollywood treatment of gun
skills. But his face earned him something less agreeable, when
he slipped out to a downtown L.A. restaurant for lunch,
forgetting that he was still in his Terminator make-up, with
skin peeled back, and eyeball exposed.

 

True Story 3

Board, Are You?
The University of Plymouth was the first university to offer a
degree in surfing.

  
So you think surfing is a product of the modern era? Wrong! Step
back more than 200 years, to Captain James Cook’s ill-fated
voyage to Hawaii. Cook made a bit of a faux pas, by trying to
kidnap a chief in return for a stolen boat. Angry natives
murdered him, and brought to an end, the fascinating Cook
diaries which record his amazing ocean voyages. His first
Lieutenant was appointed to return the ships home, and complete
the journal of what had been seen or encountered. His
description of surfing takes up two entire pages, the first
recorded account of a pastime developed after the Polynesian
culture migrated to Hawaii, circa 2000B.C.

‘But a diversion the most common is upon the Water, where there
is a very great Sea, and surf breaking on the Shore. The Men
sometimes 20 or 30 go without the Swell of the Surf, & lay
themselves flat upon an oval piece of plan about their Size and
breadth, they keep their legs close on top of it, & their Arms
are used to guide the plank, the wait the time of the greatest
Swell that sets on Shore, & altogether push forward with their
Arms to keep on its top, it sends them in with a most
astonishing Velocity…’

Because of its origins, and the pleasant environment where the
sport usually takes place, most people associate surfing with
images of palm trees, south seas, and warm, sandy beaches. Until
recently, few fans of the skilled sport considered England to be
a hot bed of surfers. But it must have some secret attractions,
because Britain now claims some ¼ of a million surfing
enthusiasts. So popular is the sport, that in 2003, the
University of Plymouth became the first institution to offer a
degree in surfing. Their course description states: ‘This course
provides an opportunity for those with an interest in surfing to
pursue rigorous academic study of the scientific, technical and
business aspects of the international surfing industries. Each
year of the course is complemented with opportunities for
practical surfing.’
 

Humour. 

Memory Lapse

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, ‘Now don’t get mad at me….I know we’ve been friends for a long time…..but I just can’t think of your name! I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t remember it. Please tell me what your name is.’

Her friend glared at her.  For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.  Finally she said, ‘How soon do you need to know?’

 
A young couple invited their aged Vicar for Sunday lunch. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son, what they were having.

‘Goat,’ the little boy replied.

‘Goat?’ replied the startled man of the cloth, ‘Are you sure about that?’

‘Yep,’ said the youngster. ‘I definitely heard Dad say to Mum, we might as well have the old goat for dinner today as any other day.’

 

 
 

Flight to Egypt

A teacher asked her class to sketch a picture of their favourite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Bert’s picture, which showed four people sitting in a plane, so she asked him which bible story it was meant to represent. ‘The flight to Egypt,’ said Bert. ‘I see … and that must be Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus,’ Elizabeth said, ‘But who’s the fourth person?’ ‘Oh, that’s Pontius – the Pilot.’ 

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a
five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

‘I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife,’ he tells the
doctor, ‘when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We
went to look for it, and I noticed one of the cows had something
white in its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and
sure enough, there was my wife’s golf ball stuck right in the
cow’s butt. That’s when I made my mistake.’

‘What did you do?’ asks the doctor.

‘Well, as I was standing there holding up the tail, I yelled to
my wife, ‘Hey, this looks like yours!”

Pay rise for the maid

A woman and her maid discuss a pay rise for the maid.

Now: ‘Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?’ 

Maria: ‘Well, there are three reasons why I want an increase.’

The first is that I iron better than you.’
 Wife: ‘Who said you iron better than me?’
 Maria: ‘Your husband said so.’
 Wife: ‘Oh.’
 
Maria: ‘The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.’
 Wife: ‘Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?’
 Maria: ‘Your husband did.’
 Wife: ‘Oh.’

 Maria: ‘My third reason is that I am a better lover than you..’
 Wife: (really furious now): ‘Did my husband say that as well?’

 Maria: ‘No…the gardener did.’
 
 
Wife: ‘So how much do you want?

A guy walks into a bar and asks for three beers. The bartender puts them up and then watches the guy go through a peculiar ritual. ‘Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, happy birthday’ Each time he says the word he drinks the beer. Then he pays and walks out.

One year later he enters the bar again and orders the same thing. The bartender watches him go through the same ritual. Curious, he asks the bloke why.

‘Well’ the guy says, ‘I have a friend in Ireland and a friend in Australia. We have our birthdays on the same day. We can’t be together so we have agreed that on this day we will each go into our local pub and have a round of drinks for each other. We have been doing this for 55 years since we were 18’

The next year the man comes in and asks the bartender for two beers. The bartender, a bit taken aback, places two beers in front of the guy and watches him say ‘happy birthday, happy birthday!’

The bartender asks ‘so which one died?’

‘No one.’

‘But you only ordered two drinks!’

‘Yeah, well, I’ve given up drinking.’

Holy Spirit

Two Irishmen, Patrick Murphy and Shawn O’Brian grew up together and were lifelong friends. But alas, Patrick developed cancer, and was dying. While on his deathbed, Patrick called to his buddy, Shawn, ‘O’Brian, come ‘ere. I ‘ave a request for ye.’ Shawn walked to his friend’s bedside and kneels.

‘Shawny ole boy, we’ve been friends all our lives, and now I’m leaving ‘ere. I ‘ave one last request fir ye to do.’

O’Brian burst into tears, ‘Anything Patrick, anything ye wish. It’s done.’

‘Well, under me bed is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland. Bottled the year I was born it was. After I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into me bones and I’ll be able to enjoy it for all eternity.’

O’Brian was overcome by the beauty and in the true Irish spirit of his friend’s request, he asked, ‘Aye, tis a fine thing you ask of me, and I will pour the whiskey. But, might I strain it through me kidneys first?’