Sarsfields Newsletter

November 8, 2018

THE SASH Saturday April 30th 2011


The Weekly Online Newsletter of Sarsfields GAA Club.


Courageous Sash Boys come from behind to defeat Athy in Féile A Final.

Tony Ryan

Sarsfields 3-7 Athy 1-12


There were emotional scenes in St Conleth’s Park on Easter Sunday last as Sarsfields retained their Féile A title against Athy, last year’s final opponents

Six points in arrears with eight minutes remaining, 2010 Féile A champions Sarsfields appeared to be about to surrender their crown to an accomplished Athy team. However the fact that this Sarsfields team had came through some tight games on the way to the final stood to them as the game, in those final minutes appeared to be moving inexorably out of their reach. The team showed great courage as they overturned that six point deficit to win by a single point in exciting nail biting finale.


Centre forward Conan Hayes led by example scoring 1-4 as well as being the game’s joint top scorer, along with full forward Peter Howard but it was Howard, Sarsfields’ top goal scorer throughout the campaign, who was responsible for Sarsfields dramatic reversal of fortunes late in the second half with his second goal of the afternoon, with less than eight minutes remaining that lit the fuse of the Sarsfields’ spirited revival.


Athy were quickest to settle with Rory Feeley and Thomas Foley kicking a point apiece with just three minutes gone. Sarsfields responded with a Conan Hayes point  and Peter Howard got a goal for the Sash to edge them 1-1 to 0-2 ahead.  From the kick out Athy midfielder Kristof Jenei won possession in the air, went on a run and sent a pin point pass into center forward Tony Martin who netted from the edge of the square. Both sides then exchanged points but Athy went in at the break with the narrowest of leads after Darragh Roycroft pointed, leaving them 1-5 to 1-4 in front.


After the resumption Athy carried the games to Sarsfields, creating scoring chances that they converted. By the 38th minute they had opened up a four point lead after   highly effective full forward Darragh Roycroft added two more points. Athy extended their lead to six, 1-11 to 1-5 as Rory Feeley scored two successive points.  With ten minutes remaining Athy were in a commanding position as they successfully cut off the supply lines to the Sarsfields midfield and forwards. Then disaster struck for Athy as midfielder Kristof Jenei who had been very impressive had to be replaced after he was injured in a tackle and treated on the pitch for a suspected dislocated collar bone the ball close to the sideline.


Sarsfields revival began after Peter Howard received a pass from Sarsfields outstanding halfback James Healy. Howard powered through the center to unleash a powerful shot to score his second goal of the afternoon and reduce the deficit to three points. The goal rejuvenated Sarsfields and like a shark scenting blood the players collectively sensed that victory was not beyond them and with confidence renewed they set about overhauling Athy’s lead.  Within five minutes Sarsfields had gained parity. After working the ball out from the defence, Peter Howard went on a solo run and just as he was about to be surrounded and his run halted by three Athy players he off loaded the ball to the unmarked Conan Hayes, who drove his shot from close range past a diving Marc Prior in the Athy goal. 


Such are the vicissitudes of sport that Sarsfields having earlier been unable to launch effective attacks were now firmly in control and the Athy defence found itself under siege as the Sash boys swarmed forward in droves in search of the lead. The team was rewarded for its collective courage and endeavor and hit the front accompanied by a tumultuous roar from the Sarsfields supporters in the stands after both Captain Shea Ryan and Stephen Creaton raised white flags in quick succession. But the nail biting drama was not over yet as Athy pressed hard for a goal in the dying moments. A powerful shot from Tony Martin appeared to have reached its target much to the premature delight of the Athy followers in the stands, only for Sarsfields goalkeeper Colm  Galvin to emerge with the ball and clear it out toward the sideline, capping off an excellent performance between the posts. Athy closed the gap back to the minimum as normal time was up with a point from Darragh Roycroft. For the two or so remaining minutes of injury time Sarsfields’ cleverly and confidently controlled the ball with some excellent kick passing as the clock counted down until the referee’s final whistle signaled the beginning of jubilant celebrations and confirmation of Sarsfields’ passage to the National Féile Finals in Cork at the end of June.



Colm Galvin, David Marnel, Tadgh McQuillen, Sean Browne, Eoin O’Connor, Gary Maguire, James Healy, Shea Ryan Capt 0-1, Conor Hartley, Eoin Donnolly, Conan Hayes 1-4 (2f), Rory O.Donnell, Alan Donnolly, Peter Howard 2-1, Stephen Creaton 0-1. Subs: Brian McDonald for Eoin Donnelly, Cian Costigan for Stephen Creaton.


Athy: Marc Prior, Tiernan King, Patrick Ryan, Davis Kelly, Patrick Wysocki, Niall Brenan, Kieran Farrell, Kristof Jenei, Rorry Feeley 0-2, Thomas Foley 0-2, Tony Martin 1-2, Barry Kelly, Darren Donnelly, Darragh Roycroft 0-5, Paul Hyland 0-1.

Referee: Eoin Clifford, St Laurence’s


Sarsfields Fixtures This Bank Holiday Weekend.


Saturday 30th April
Under 12 Boys Hurling League
Confey v Sarsfields at 12 noon
Under 10 Boys Football
Sarsfields v Sallins at 3pm
Under 12 Boys Football
Sarsfields v Maynooth at 4.30pm
Sarsfields v Caragh at 4.30pm
Herbert Cup (Ballyteague)
Sarsfields v Round Towers at 5.30pm

Sunday 1st May
Under 14 Boys Hurling Feile Final
Sarsfields/Ellistown Combined v TBC
in St Conleths Park at 11am

Monday 2nd May
Intermediate Camogie League
Maynooth v Sarsfields at 7pm

Tuesday 3rd May
Under 9 Boys Football
Sarsfields v Celbridge at 7pm
Senior Ladies Football League
Balyna v Sarsfields at 7pm


MDY SFC: Sarsfields V Maynooth on Saturday May 7th in Hawkfield at 6pm



Sasrsfields On Facebook 

Sarsfields now have 700 Fans on Facebook.

Sarsfields now has a Facebook Page where all sections can now post information directly relating to games, results events and photos etc. In addition there is a discussion forum. Link to Sarsfields  Facebook page can be found by scrolling down the home page of the Sarsfields website or by Googling Sarsfields GAA FaceBook.


More Stupid Quotes.  


When I talk about my husband, I feel as if people roll their eyes. It’s like when you’re 16 and order a martini, and the waiter says, ‘Do you think I’m stupid?’. They can’t grasp that I’m old enough to be married.
Megan Fox

When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty.
George Bernard Shaw

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
George Bernard Shaw

An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise.
Victor Hugo

Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
John Wayne

Your belief in God is merely an escape from your monotonous, stupid and cruel life.
Jiddu Krishnamurti

I got a lot of support from my parents. That’s the one thing I always appreciated. They didn’t tell me I was being stupid; they told me I was being funny.
Jim Carrey

Give me a smart idiot over a stupid genius any day.
Samuel Goldwyn

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.
P. J. O’Rourke

I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a ‘learning experience.’ Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I’ve done as a ‘learning experience.’ It makes me feel less stupid.
P. J. O’Rourke

The wise are instructed by reason, average minds by experience, the stupid by necessity and the brute by instinct.
Marcus Tullius Cicero

We’re giving our freedoms away. The American experiment was about freedom. Freedom to be stupid, freedom to fail, freedom to succeed.
Glenn Beck

Timothy McVeigh was a coward. Violence is the stupid way out. It’ll discredit any real legitmate movement.
Glenn Beck

Men are born ignorant, not stupid. They are made stupid by education.
Bertrand Russell

Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.
Dave Barry

In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid.
Dave Barry

Luck, bad if not good, will always be with us. But it has a way of favoring the intelligent and showing its back to the stupid.
John Dewey

It is hard to imagine a more stupid or more dangerous way of making decisions than by putting those decisions in the hands of people who pay no price for being wrong.
Thomas Sowell

A purpose, an intention, a design, strikes everywhere even the careless, the most stupid thinker.
David Hume

If journalists ask you again and again about the same bands, you’ll end up saying you hate them just because you’re so fed up with being asked all those stupid questions.
Billie Joe Armstrong

 True Story


Who Was She Expecting?

An unidentified English woman, according to the Sunday Express was climbing into the bathtub one afternoon when she remembered she had left some crumpets in the oven.

Naked, she dashed downstairs and was removing the crumpets when she heard a noise at the door. Thinking it was the baker, and knowing he would come in and leave a loaf of bread on the kitchen table if she didn’t answer his knock, the woman darted into the broom cupboard.

A few moments later she heard the back door open and, to her eternal mortification, the sound of footsteps coming toward the cupboard. It was the man from the gas company, come to read the meter.

‘Oh,’ stammered the woman, ‘I was expecting the baker.’ The gas man blinked, excused himself and departed.





Funny Pub Names in Britain
The Idle Cook – Idle, Bradford, Yorkshire
Bucket of Blood – Phillack, Cornwall
The Vat and Fiddle  Nottingham
The Happy Medium  Chichester, West Sussex
The Hung Drawn And Quartered, London
Bank Tavern, Keswick, Cumbria
The Bleeding Wolf, Hale, Altrincham, Cheshire
Blooming Fuchsia, Ipswich, Suffolk
The Cow and Snuffers, Llandaff, Cardiff, Wales
The Cemetery in Rochdale, Lancashire.
Drunken Duck, Hawkshead, Cumbria
Mad Dog, Odell, Bedfordshire
The Quiet Woman – York [The sign being a woman carrying her own severed head]
Nobody Inn – Doddiscombsleigh, DevonThe Fawcett Inn � Portsmouth, Hampshire
The Ram Inn  Newark, Nottinghamshire
Moderation Inn – Reading, Berkshire
The Pub with No Name  Priors Dean, Hampshire [known by locals as The White Horse Inn] Hole in the Wall  Southsea, Hampshire;
Caernarvon, north Wales; Little Wilbraham, Cambridgeshire; Waterloo, London; Lowside, Bowness Windermere, Cumbria [Hole Int Wall]; and several other venues.



This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills!

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

Customer: A white one…


Customer: Hi, this is Celine .. I can’t get my diskette out.

Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?

Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.

Tech support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.

Customer: No , wait a minute. I hadn’t inserted it yet… it’s still on my desk… Sorry…






What My Mother Taught Me

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
‘If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.’
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
‘You’d better pray that will come out of the carpet.’
3. My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL.
‘If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!’
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
‘ Because I said so, that’s why.’
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
‘If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the shops with me.’
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
‘Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.’
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
‘Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.’
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
‘Shut your mouth and eat your supper.’
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
‘Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!’
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
‘You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.’
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
‘This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.’
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
‘If I�ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!’
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
‘I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.’
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
‘Stop acting like your father!’
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
‘There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.’
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
‘Just wait until we get home.’
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
‘You are going to get it when you get home!’
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
‘If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.’
19. My mother taught me ESP.
‘Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?’
20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.
‘When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.’
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
‘If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.’
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
‘You’re just like your father.’
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
‘Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?’
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
‘When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.’
25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
‘One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you’.  



Police Jokes

1) Slow Down – or Stop

One night Rodney was driving home along a road he knew well. When he reached the Stop sign he slowed down but did not actually come to a halt, whereupon a police officer pulled Rodney’s car over.

‘What difference does it make’ said Rodney, ‘slow down or stop’.
‘I will give you a demonstration’ said the officer and starting beating Rodney with his truncheon.

‘Now would you like me to slow down – or stop?

Patrol Officer Meets His Match

A patrol officer pulled over Enid for speeding. Enid was a 65 year old woman from out of state.
The officer asked to see her licence.
‘Don’t have one’ Enid said.

‘Can I please see the Vehicle registration’ the officer asked firmly but politely.
‘Nope’ snapped Enid.

In that case I will have to take you into the Police station and charge you there. When they arrived they arresting officer said, to the duty sergeant. This lady has no licence and no vehicle registration.

‘Sure I do’ said Enid sweetly. This officer has got in for me, the next thing is he will be saying that I was speeding.

3) Murphy’s Car is Stolen

Murphy’s wife borrowed his car and parked in the supermarket car park. Just as she came out laden with shopping, she saw a young lad break into the car, hot wire it and drive off. Naturally she reported the matter to the police. ‘What did he look like?, the sergeant asked. ‘I don’t know she replied, but I got the licence plate’.


Funny Name and Jobs (Aptronyms or Aptonyms)

Have you ever received a letter where the signature at the bottom of the page accurately reflects the profession of the person writing?

Fictional examples of aptronyms include Mr Talkative and Mr Worldly Wiseman in John Bunyan’s classic book ‘The Pilgrim’s Progress’ written in 1678.

* Alan Ball, English footballer who played in England’s 1966 World Cup winning team.

* Anna Smashnova, tennis player.

* Billy Drummond, American jazz drummer.

* Bob Flowerdew, gardener and Gardeners’ Question Time panellist.

* Bob Rock, rock music producer, including Metallica and Bon Jovi.

* Brenda Song, singer.

* Cecil Fielder and his son Prince Fielder, baseball players.

* Chris Moneymaker, amateur winner of 2003 World Series of Poker, which earned him $2.5 million USD. (Also Jaime Gold who won in 2006)

* Chuck Long, former NFL quarterback for the Detroit Lions and the Los Angeles Rams.

* Henry Head, an English neurologist.

* Igor Judge, Lord Chief Justice of England and Wales.

* Learned Hand, judge.

* Lord Brain, neurologist.

* Marc Rich, billionaire financier.

* Margaret Court, tennis player.

* Scott Free a defence attorney.



Groucho Marx Humour

I would never belong to a club that would have me as a member.

Those are my principles. If you don’t like them, I have others.

Women should be obscene and not heard.

I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.

I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.

Don’t look now, but there’s one too many in this room and I think it’s you.

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot, but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

Room service?  Send up a larger room.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

Now there’s a man with an open mind�you can feel the breeze from here.

I didn’t like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions�the curtain was up.

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his chequebook open.

Although it is generally known, I think it’s about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.

Look, if you don’t like my parties, you can leave in a huff. If that’s too soon, leave in a minute and a huff. If you can’t find that, you can leave in a taxi.

Last night I shot an elephant in my pyjamas and how he got in my pyjamas I’ll never know.

How do you feel about women’s rights? I like either side of them.

Politics doesn’t make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

I could dance with you till the cows come home, on second thought I’ll dance with the cows till you come home.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.  (Groucho should know, he was married three times)

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

‘Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.’

* More about Groucho

Groucho grew up in a Jewish neighbourhood which had Irish-Germans on one side and Italians on the other. Hence ‘The Marx Brothers’ developed ‘ethnic’ accents, based on this background, as part of their comedy.

He walked with an extremely distinctive ‘chicken-walk’ lope and sported an exaggerated moustache, a cigar and very bushy eyebrows.  Groucho perfected the ‘wise-crack’, quick repartee, which was sometimes amusingly insulting. In his later life he was frustrated by the fact that when he insulted someone they thought it was humour and part of his act when in reality he meant the slight.

Woody Allen thought him, ‘..the best comedian this country ever produced.’  Many people would agree. He died in 1977 at the age of 86.