Sarsfields Newsletter

November 8, 2018

THE SASH Tue 17th February 2009


The Weekly Online Newsletter of Sarsfields GAA Club.


Aldridge Cup: Sarsfields 1-12 St.Laurence’s 1-9.




By Tony Ryan

Hugh Kenny got his Sarsfields management career off to a winning start in Sarsfields Park on Saturday afternoon last in the first competitive match of the new season when an experimental Sarsfields had three points to spare over St. Laurence’s in the Aldridge Cup in a lively, entertaining game in which both sides showed plenty of endeavour and passages of good football throughout.


St Laurence’s started with lightening pace and were 1-2 to 0-0 up after ten minutes, the goal scored by Mossie Doyle who soled through the Sarsfields rearguard unimpeded to give Sarsfields keeper Patrick O’Sullivan no chance. Tommy O’Neill opened the scoring with a fine point almost immediately from the throw-in with Centre Forward Barry Mackay following up on six minutes after a lovely piece of foot passing skill from Mark Blanchfield placed the ball into the incoming centre forward’s hands.

It was almost midway through the first half before Sarsfields raised their first white flag when outstanding forward Sean Cambell fired over an excellent point about 30metres out on the left wing. Thereafter Sarsfields began to find their rhythm and dominated the rest of the half. Within six minutes Sarsfields were level. A Conor Tiernan goal after a an accurate kick pass from Sean Cambell found Murt Dunne behind the St. Laurences defence who quickly off loaded the ball to the better positioned Conor Tiernan on the far post and he made no mistake from close range.  A point from full forward John Geraghty followed within minutes after a pass from goals scorer Conor Tiernan. An excellent point from John Fogarty put St. Laurence ahead again on 23 minutes; 1-3 to 1-2.  Sarsfields midfielder Enda Freeney replied to bring the sides level again. In the last three minutes before the break Sarsfields stepped up a gear and scored three points without reply, one from the impressive Keith Harvey and two from Sean Cambell, one from the right sideline an almost carbon copy of his first score, to leave the halftime score 1-6 to 1-3 in favour of Sarsfields.

On the resumption Sean Cambell stretched Sarsfields lead to four with another outstanding point. St Laurence’s second half substitute Ronan Lawler whom the Sarsfields defence found a handful to deal with in the second half reduced the deficit to three with a well taken point under pressure. Sean Cambell again pulled Sarsfields four clear before Ronan Lawler almost immediately scored to once again leave three between the sides; 1-8 to 1-5. Arron Flood scored on eight minutes to narrow the gap to two points before Padraig Brennan again restored Sarsfields three point lead1-9 to 1-6. Barry Mackay reduced the deficit on 42 minutes. Sean Cambell scored with twelve minutes remaining to once again leave three between them; 1-10 to 1-7 before john Fogarty with a well taken free from 35 metres left two between the sides 1-8 to 1-10 with three minutes of normal time remaining. In the last minute of normal time Ronan Lawler scored his third to leave the minimum between the sides. Sarsfields responded from the kick out when second half substitute Declan McKenna relieved the pressure with a point before Padraig Brennan gave Sarsfields a three point cushion in injury time after a great pass from substitute Keith Brown.      







St Laurence’s: Donal Flanagan, Mark Byrne, Niall Clynch, Arron Flood,(0-1) Carl O’Brien, Paul O’Conner, Mossie Doyle,(1-0) Mark Finegan, Sean Higgins, Barry Mackay,(0-2) Pauric Kearney, Mark Blansfield, John Fogarty,(0-2) Tommy O’Neill.(0-1)

Subs: Ronan Lawler (0-3) for Pauric Kearney (ht) Colm Mcabe for Paddy O’Conner (43mins)  Sean O’Driscoll for Sean Higgins (47mins)



Sarsfields: Patrick O’Sullivan, Ricky Deegan, Keith Harvey, (0-1) Steven Lawler, Martin Dunne, Joe Buckley,  Joe O’Malley,Enda Freeney,(0-1) Niall Hedderman, Sean Cambell,(0-6) Eoin O’Sullivan, Caoimhín McDonnell, Paddy Cambell, John Geraghty,(0-1) Conor Tiernan (1-1) Subs: Padraig Brennan, (0-1) Michael Browne, Declan McKenna(0-1) for John Geraghty, Conor Tiernan, Eoin O’Sullivan (ht) Robbie Murphy for Niall Hedderman (45mins)   Keith Browne for Martin Dunne (49 mins)


Aldridge Cup.

The second Round of the Aldridge Cup continues on Saturday when Sarsfields play Carbury away at the earlier time of 12noon.. The senior B team are at home to Robertstown at 3pm on the third pitch in the Dowling Cup. 



Minor League

The minor League continues on Sunday at 11.30 with Sarsfields playing at home to Balyna in Division 1 while the second team are away to Suncroft in Division 4.


Full Sarsfields Fixtures for the coming Week


Saturday February 28th  Aldridge Cup.Sarsfields v Carbury in Carbury at 12noon.

Saturday 28th February Dowling Cup: Sarsfields v Robertstown in Sarsfields park at 3pm

Saturday February 28th U16 League Division 1 at 4.30 Sarsfields V Clane in ClaneSarsfields 2 V Carbury in Carbury

Saturday 28th February North Board U10 League in Sarsfields Park. Sarsfields A v Carbury at 3pm Sarsfields B v Celbridge at 4.3′

Sunday March 1st. Leinster U21 QF Kildare V Carlow St. Conleths Park at 2.30

Sunday March 1st MFL Division 1 Sarsfields V Balyna in Sarsfields Park at 11.30am MFL Division 4 Sarsfields V Suncroft in Suncroft at 11.30am

Sunday March 1st Feilé Sarsfields A v Naas in Sarsfields Park at 10am Sarsfields B v Monasterevin




Leinster U21 Football Championship.

 Well done  to Alan Barry and Sarsfield players Robbie Confrey and John Kavanagh and the Kildare team as they successfully saw off Wexford by a margin of 14 points; 0-18- 0-04 in the preliminary round of the Leinster championship. They will now meet Carlow in the Quarterfinal in Newbridge on Saturday week February 28th.



Kildare’s National League Fixtures for 2009.

March 8th, Leinster finalists Wexford will be in St. Conleth’s Park; March, 15th, Kildare are away to Monaghan; Sunday March 22nd; Kildare are at home to Armagh; Sunday March 29th, away to Fermanagh; and Sunday, April 12th away to Meath in the final league game. For those supporters planning the annual away trip the game against Fermanagh looks like the likely one.


 More Stupid Quotes.


‘Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where
you figure out two plus two is 10, or something.’
– Dennis Rodman, NBA Basketball player


‘It’s so bad being homeless in winter. They should go somewhere
warm like the Caribbean where they can eat fresh fish all day.’
– Lady Victoria Hervey on the homeless.


‘Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t
– Daniel J. Boorstin


‘Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly.’
– Batman costume warning label


‘I can’t really remember the names of the clubs that we went
– Shaquille O’Neal, basketball player, on whether he had
  visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece


Strange/Bizzare/Quirkie News.

KANSAS CITY, Missouri . – Other than having a bit of a headache, a
Kansas City woman was uninjured after a bullet fired at her
ended up tangled in her hair weave. Police said the 20-year-old
woman was in a convenience store parking lot late Wednesday when
a man flagged her down and told her that her ex-boyfriend still
loved her.

She replied, ‘Well I dont love him,’ then heard gunshots. She
said she looked behind the vehicle and saw her ex-boyfriend
firing a handgun at her. She stomped her accelerator and fled,
then turned into another parking lot and called police.

She told officers she recently had ended an eight-month
relationship with the suspect.

Police arrested the ex-boyfriend and his friend in a car.

FALMOUTH, Massechetus  . – A man faces assault charges after allegedly
striking another man with a golf club in an argument over
manners. Police told the Cape Cod Times that a 50-year-old man
leaving a gas station in town on Monday morning held the door
open for a 38-year-old man.

Police said the 38-year-old man did not thank the other man, who
responded by uttering a sarcastic ‘thank you.’

The two men got into an argument before the 38-year-old went to
his car to get a golf club, which he allegedly used to strike
the victim several times in the stomach and legs. Police said
the victim suffered minor injuries.

The 38-year-old man pleaded not guilty to assault and battery
with a dangerous weapon in Falmouth District Court on Tuesday
and was ordered to stay away from the other man.

NEW DELHI (Reuters) – A hard line Hindu organization, known for
its opposition to ‘corrupting’ Western food imports, is planning
to launch a new soft drink made from cow’s urine, often seen as
sacred in parts of India.

It was a cold but sunny February afternoon. Lidia, a biology
teacher from Sofia, was driving two friends home from a memorial
service. Suddenly the vehicle stopped. Bystanders saw all three
occupants dash from the car to a nearby manhole, and start
pouring down liquids and powders from various bottles and jars.
Apparently, the biology teacher had been performing chemistry
experiments in her free time, and had some leftover noxious
chemicals. It is still not entirely clear what the chemicals
were, but two of the bottles were labelled diethyl ether and
methanol, both highly flammable substances. The former is also
used as a sedative, so one explanation for their actions is that
they felt dizzy from the ether vapors and thought it was a good
idea to pour them in the sewer.

As it turns out, a good idea it definitely was not. The cocktail
of flammable substances in the enclosed space of the sewer
caused an explosion so powerful that it launched the manhole
cover into the air, decapitating the (briefly) surprised Lidia.
Left without a head on her shoulders, she decided it was time to
kick the bucket.

The other two people were not left unharmed, but were alive.
They were taken to the hospital with burns on their faces. They
may not regain their eyesight, but hopefully will be able to
speak clearly enough to tell their children that tossing random
Sports Quirkies.

United fan’s bargain trip

A Manchester United fan is travelled to the Champions League final in Moscow for just £85.

Most fans  paid an average of £2,000 but Martin Sheehan, 25, had a limited budget and tookfour flights and a 28-hour coach trip to get to the game.

He set out on Saturday and took five days to make the 3,000 mile round trip, reports the Daily Mirror.

 Before the trip Martin said: ‘Anybody who says it’s not do-able is not making a bit of an effort.’

He firstly flew from Liverpool to Stockholm then headed to Riga, Latvia. He then boarded a bus at 5.30pm , arrived in Moscow at 10am the following morning – a 28 hour return coach trip.

He added: ‘Some people can’t do it because they haven’t got the time or they have kids. But if you have got the time it’s so easy.’

Martin didn’t splash out on accommodation either but stayed up all night to celebrate after United’s penalty shoot win over Chelsea.

10,000 mile Wembley trip

A couple flew 10,000 miles to see their team in the FA Cup final – just two months after emigrating to Australia.

Portsmouth fans Craig Winter, 26, and Nikki Marden, 24,  spent £3,000 on the round trip, reports the Daily Mirror.

But the pair, who now live in Adelaide, didn’t tickets for Portsmouth’s Wembley clash with Cardiff.

Craig, originally from Fareham, Hants, said: ‘We did not expect to be back in England quite so soon. But we may never get to a Wembley final again.

Schoolboy team set record

A schoolboy team set a new FA record when every player in the 12-man squad scored in a 24-0 victory.

Even the keeper got a hat-trick as the lads switched positions, reports the Daily Mirror.

The FA confirmed: ‘The most scorers we have on record is from an FA Cup game in 1887, when Preston North End beat Hyde United 26-0. There were eight different scorers.’

That means the record now goes to Bridlington Rangers Blue U13s following their victory over Hutton Cranswick United in the Hull Boys Sunday League.

The ball was seldom in their half and they were 14-0 up at the break.

Bridlington manager Ian Steward said: ‘From the start we dominated and the goals just kept coming.

‘Whenever the goalkeeper kicked out the ball, one of our players managed to snaffle it. The defence had very little to do so at half-time we brought our keeper out and changed a few other positions.’

The boys have been playing together since they were Under-7s and are now brimming with confidence as they climbed to third in their league.

Mr Steward added: ‘It has been known for one or two of our players to give up when losing 3-0.

‘So the real winners had to be Cranswick for sheer determination and team spirit. Lesser teams would have packed up and gone home at half-time.’



True Story.

There are more pigs than humans in Denmark.

Coffee And A Pig, Anyone?

Sure, you normally offer someone coffee and a Danish, but in
Denmark, it’s easier to find a pig. Because they outnumber the
residents there, nearly 5-1. The country has approximately 5.4
million human inhabitants, but each year it exports 25 million
pigs. That’s makin’ a lot of bacon!

It may very well turn out to be one of the greatest medical
benefits to Man, to come along in the last half century. Because
in 2005, a joint project between the Danish Committee of Pig
Breeding and Production, and the Chinese Academy of Sciences,
delivered nearly four million pieces of genomic information on
five breeds of pigs from Europe and Asia.

What good is that, you ask? It’s good for research into drugs

and medical treatments/procedures, because the pig is closer to
Man in its genetic make-up, than any other laboratory animal
used for studies.

This offers scientists a more precise way of testing medications
and surgical techniques, since the pig is so similar to the
human. (Something many a mother who cleans up her kids’ bedrooms
could have told us long ago.) It is also one reason that pig
hearts and other organs have been eyed for possible use in human
transplants. We already use such things as the valves from a
pig’s heart, but there are fewer rejection problems related to
tissues, than there are to living, functioning organs.

True Story 2.

A New Wrinkle In Skin Aging

People with darker skin will not wrinkle as fast as people with
lighter skin.

In a fashion and youth conscious society, even men are starting
to worry about their appearance when they see those first little
lines encroaching on their faces, whether it’s the deep lines of
worry around the mouth, or wrinkles in the forehead from
frowning. Many people try to beat the aging devil off with every
trick at their disposal, forgetting that there are some things
you simply can’t cream or buff away.

Good skin care is important of course, and that includes many
things, such as limiting your exposure to the sun, good hygiene
practices, environmental factors, and even whether you smoke or

The one thing you can’t control, is the colour of your skin.
Darker tone skins tend not to wrinkle as early, or as much, if
all other factors are equal. The pigment and lipids in darker
skin, helps to diffuse the intensity of such things as sunlight,
which is drying and destroys the collagen in your skin, faster.

On the down side of things, darker skinned people, particularly
those of African ethnicity, have a very difficult time if they
choose hair removal via laser treatments. Because the pigment
will diffuse the intensity of the laser, it often takes more
treatments to achieve the same effects it does on someone with
lighter skin, thereby increasing the cost.

But light-skinned people don’t get all the breaks. They tend to
sunburn very easily, especially those with red hair, and a blush
on someone who is fair, is generally much more visible.

What Women Really Mean

‘Yes’ = No

‘No’ = Yes

‘Maybe’ = No

‘I’m sorry’ = You’ll be sorry

‘We need’ = I want

‘It’s your decision’ = The correct decision should be obvious by

‘Sure… go ahead’  = I don’t want you to

‘I’m not upset’  = Of course I’m upset, you moron!

‘We need to talk’  = I need to complain

‘You’re certainly attentive tonight’  = Is sex all you ever
think about?

‘Be romantic, turn out the lights’ = I have flabby thighs

‘This kitchen is so inconvenient’   = I want a new house

‘I want new curtains’  = and carpeting, and furniture, and

‘I heard a noise’  = I noticed you were almost asleep

‘Do you love me?’  = I’m going to ask for something expensive

‘How much do you love me?’  = I did something
really not going to like

‘I’ll be ready in a minute’   = Kick off your shoes and find a
good game on T.V.

‘Is my butt fat?’  = Lie to me

‘You have to learn to communicate’  = Just agree with me

‘Are you listening to me!?’   = [Too late, you’re dead]

‘Do what you want.’  = You’ll pay for this later

True Story 3

Mozart For Milk Production

Studies have shown that classical music helps cows produce more

How do you train a cow to give more milk? Well, you might try a
little Mozart. Because a recent study indicated that cows who
were exposed to classical music for 12 hours a day, gave up to
1.5 pints of milk more than cows who were played more upbeat,
lively or frenetic rhythms.

In 2003 a study was carried out by psychologists from the
University of Leicester, England in which various types of music
were played to herds of Freisian cows numbering up to 1,000,
from 5a.m. to 5p.m. on a daily basis over nine weeks. The
results showed an increase of 3% in overall milk production for
such music as Beethoven’s ‘Pastorale’, and surprisingly, Simon
and Garfunkel’s ‘Bridge Over Troubled Water’.

Scientists chalked up the results to the well-known phenomenon
which has been previously shown effective in humans, and even
dogs- that the playing of ‘soothing’ sounds or music reduces
stress, and induces relaxation.

Why does it work? Nobody really knows, but current theories
center around the concept of entrainment, where two oscillating
bodies, or two rhythmic cycles end up being in synch due to
their proximity, and the influence of one on the other.

In plain English, some part of the rhythm of the music ispulsing
on thesame frequency as the cow’s delta brain waves, inducing a
state of relaxation in which more milk is manufactured, so to


This is a familiar story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and
Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.
Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody’s job.
Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realised that
Everybody wouldn’t do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when
Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

Gone Fishing

Alex had a terrible day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one.  On his way home, he stopped at the fishmonger and ordered four rainbow trout.  He told the fishmonger, ‘Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?’

‘Why do you want me to throw them at you?’ Asked the salesman?  ‘So that I am able to tell my wife, in all honesty, that I caught them.’ said Alex.

‘Okay, but I suggest that you take the salmon.’ ‘Why�s that?’ ‘Because your wife came in earlier
today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take salmon. That’s what she’d like for supper tonight.’ replied the fishmonger with a grin.


A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s
face was severely burned.  The doctor told the husband that they
couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too
skinny.  So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was
suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about
where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also
honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the
woman’s new beauty.  She looked more beautiful than she ever had
before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about
her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome
with emotion at his sacrifice.

She said, ‘Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did
for me.   There is no way I could ever repay you.’

‘My darling,’ he replied, ‘think nothing of it.  I get all the
thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the

Tale of the Gassed Budgie

This story goes back to the time when gas appliances in England were being converted from methane to natural gas.  A  man called Barney had a good job as a fitter of these replacement gas appliances.  It was a lovely job because they were paid on piece rate.  The more houses they could convert, the more they earned.  Barney got faster and faster at his job.  He was expert at unscrewing the old oven and boiler parts, then whipping in the new fittings.  He was so good that he could even convert the appliances without turning off the gas at the mains.  Now to pull off this trick Barney trained his breathing along the lines of those boys who dive for oysters.  He would take a huge lungful of air, take off with the old fitting – O.K. so gas escapes, but he
soon whacked in the new shiny new joint, and then gasped another breath from an open window.  There was one other proviso for this risky shortcut, the owner had to be out.

One day he knocked on the door, explained to the lady that he had come from the gas board about their North Sea conversion.  The owner was delighted that she was finally going to move from the smelly old gas to the new natural gas.  She told Barney that she just had to pop to the shops and as her husband was working in the garden, Barney could go ahead with his fitting.  Great thought Barney, this will be a quick job, no need to turn off the gas at the mains.  The boiler was no trouble, but one of the jets in the oven was rusty and crusted.  Even though the gas was escaping, Barney sprayed a can of WD-40 on the obstinate fitting and eventually it unscrewed and he whisked on the replacement part.

As Barney came up for air, to his horror, he spotted that the budgie in the kitchen was lying on its back at the bottom of his cage.  It was not looking good, and to add to his trouble he could see the lady opening the gate at the bottom of the garden.  What to do?  Being resourceful, Barney cut a length of fuse wire and rapped it around the dead budgie’s legs and tethered him to his perch.  As a nice touch he even set the perch rocking, and then turned and met the lady in the door way.  ‘All done’ Barney said as he sauntered down the path to the gate.

‘My goodness’ said the lady, ‘my budgie’.  Barney picked up the lady’s bad vibes and his chances of legging it were not improved by the sudden appearance of the woman’s husband blocking his exit.   ‘Come back here’ she said, and as his escape was cut off by the husband, he had no option but to turn and face the music.
‘It’s a miracle’, the lady said, ‘when I left this morning, my budgie was dead, now he’s jumped up on his perch and is swinging away happy as you please’.

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