Sarsfields Newsletter

November 8, 2018

THE SASH Tue  17th February 2009


The Weekly Online Newsletter of Sarsfields GAA Club.



Leinster GAA News
Rebels rally to snatch draw

Kildare 0-14 Cork 0-14

By Jim O’Sullivan

NO DOUBT Kildare will feel they should have won this second round game
in the Allianz National Football League in Newbridge yesterday because
they were the more consistent team overall.

However, Cork deserved to draw after wiping out a four-point deficit in
the last seven minutes, with their last two scores coming in injury time
from late substitutes Paul Kerrigan and Kevin O’Sullivan.

Kildare manager Kieran McGeeney was none too pleased about a
controversial umpiring decision which presented the visitors with a 57th
minute 45 that was expertly put over by Donncha O’Connor. But, he was
philosophical afterwards: ‘You get calls like these. How you react to
them is also part of how you progress mentally. You have to go through
those things and respond in the right manner.”

The end result is that after beating Laois in their first outing, they
now have the same number of points as they finished in Division One with
last year.

While acknowledging that it was their late show of character that earned
them the share of the points, Cork manager Conor Counihan readily
acknowledged that they were fortunate to do so. ‘We would certainly be
disappointed with a lot of aspects of our performance,” he stated. ‘In
fairness to Kieran, Kildare are much more organised. We started the game
well. We had a good platform to build on but we just lost our way.”

Cork did look the more promising team in the early stages, going two
points clear inside the opening six minutes. They were more solid at the
back and more creative going forward. In contrast, Kildare weren’t very
good at getting good ball in to their attack, even though wing-backs
Brian Flanagan (especially) and Michael Conway were prominent all

While Kildare’s spirited play had them level twice, in the 12th and 15th
minutes – following particularly good scores from centre-forward Padraig
O’Neill and midfielder Dermot Earley – Cork were still exerting control.

They were very strong on the break, with team captain Graham Canty
giving good leadership at centre-back and Fintan Goold penetrating at
centre-forward (getting good support from newcomer Paddy Kelly on his
left). Additionally, Michael Cussen threatened at the edge of the square
in spite of the tenacity of full-back Padraig O’Neill.

What it meant was that Cork were leading 0-6 to 0-3 after 23 minutes.
However, their position deteriorated rapidly in the face of much more
methodical play from Kildare, which owed much to a strong grip at
midfield and, more significantly, improved defending to which Flanagan
and Conway made important contributions.

In real terms, their finishing was the main difference. Predictably,
team captain Johnny Doyle, starting in the left corner and finishing in
the centre, was to the forefront. And, while he might not have managed a
score, right half-forward Eamonn Callaghan put in a Trojan effort and
won a lot of good ball.

Doyle had them level with a powerful score from the left corner in the
31st minute and he hit two more scores to see them go in 0-8 to 0-6 in
front at half time.

Kildare went close to getting a goal two minutes after the resumption,
when James Kavanagh had a shot blocked down at the edge of the square by
Pearse O’Neill. And almost immediately afterwards, Goold promised one
for Cork but he blazed the ball over the bar after a sweeping move.

Notably, Kildare failed to maintain their advantage around midfield,
with Cork more lively at half back once Ger Spillane found his form.
This followed the forced departure of Canty after 11 minutes with a
hamstring problem and his replacement, Paudie Kissane was another to
make an impact, along with Anthony Lynch and O’Leary.

Nevertheless, while the teams looked more evenly balanced in general
play, Kildare looked more likely to win because they were able to add
enough scores to protect their lead.

They were leading 0-13 to 0-9 with 12 minutes remaining and while
staying competitive, they were frustrated by some wasted chances. In
contrast, Cork were to make the most of their opportunities, helped by
the addition of Paul Kerrigan and Paul Flynn to the half-forward line.

The margin was down to two points in the 68th minute and Cork had the
momentum with them.

After Kerrigan pointed, Kissane won a crucial free at midfield from the
kick-out and the subsequent attack yielded the equaliser through the
confident Kevin O’Sullivan.

* A minute’s silence was observed in memory of Cork hurling manager
Gerald McCarthy’s mother.

Scorers for Kildare J Doyle, 0-5 (3f); J Kavanagh 0-4; P O’Neill 0-2; D
Earley, M Conway and R Sweeney 0-1 each.

Scorers for Cork: F Goold 0-4; D O’Connor 0-3 (2’45’s); K O’Sullivan, P
Kerrigan, D Goulding, G Canty, C McCarthy, A O’Connor and N O’Leary 0-1

KILDARE: S McCormack; D Brennan, K O’Neill, H McGrillen; B Flanagan, M
Foley, M Conway; D Flynn, D Earley; E Callaghan, P O’Neill, J Kavanagh;
K Donnelly, R Sweeney, J Doyle (capt).
Subs: A Smith for Donnelly, 26; E O’Flaherty for O’Neill, carded, 61; M
O’Flaherty for Conway, 69.

CORK: A Quirke; A Lynch, R Carey, J Miskella; N O’Leary, G Canty (capt),
G Spillane; A O’Connor, P O’Neill; C McCarthy, F Goold, P Kelly; D
Goulding, M Cussen, D O’Connor.
Subs: P Kissane for Canty, 46; P Kerrigan for McCarthy, P Flynn for
Kelly, both 53; J Hayes for O’Neill, 58; K O’Sullivan for Goulding, 65.


Leinster GAA News

lack of hard and fast rules could cost kerry in the long-run

By Eugene McGee


I have always been amused at the cosmetic type of sportsmanship that
some GAA players like to portray at the highest level. On every public
occasion, they tell us all that the opposing players are the best of
friends, that there are no hard feelings when they lose and every
opposing county is a credit to themselves. It is, of course, a myth.

The reality is that at the highest level of football, where the Sam
Maguire is the only major prize each year, the competition is cut-throat
and in that sort of environment, this lovey-dovey stuff that some
players preach is utter nonsense.

We saw this again in Omagh on Sunday when a minority of players showed
the venom against opponents that they normally like to hide when they
are dressed in suits and presenting themselves as models of
sportsmanship. We saw that venom in the attempts to physically
intimidate players like Colm Cooper and Tommy Walsh and we saw it even
more during the brief outbreak of violence after the final whistle blew.

Some things about the GAA never change. You can have as many new rules
as you like, but leopards never change their spots — especially when
they are not handed the yellow cards the new rules are supposed to
punish them with. The referee in this game seemed to make up these new
rules as he went along and the game was a poor advertisement for the
rule changes.

Surely these rules are meant to cater for players who stick their heads
into opposing players faces and shout insults at them. If not, then
forget the new rules; the old ones were bad enough without adding insult
to injury.

People who claim the National League is just for getting players ready
for the Championship were silenced in Omagh because the stakes were
clearly very high in this one. Kerry have only one target in 2009 and
that is to beat Tyrone in the championship. We all seem to think they
will actually meet in the championship but Jack O’Connor in particular
will regard this year as only a barely modest success should Tyrone not
be beaten by his team.

These two teams have a deadly rivalry having shared the last six
All-Ireland titles, something which last happened in the 70s between

Dublin and Kerry with Kerry going on to end that particular contest of
titles in a decisive manner. Their next meeting is a decider for the
best of seven and even at this early stage, it is clear that a mighty
battle of wills is in play between the two counties.

At half-time yesterday, it did look as if Kerry had grabbed a vital
psychological edge because of the way they demoralised Tyrone to the
tune of 2-8 to 0-3 away from home.

The manner in which the Kerry forward-line cut the Tyrone back-line to
ribbons was a sight to behold and had it continued in that way after
half-time, then serious damage could have been done to Tyrone’s
long-term prospects, league or no league excuse.

The biggest factor in Kerry’s supremacy was the placing of Colm Cooper
close to the goals, where he should always be located, but was not in
last year’s All-Ireland final. With Tommy Walsh in close proximity,
Kerry found a deadly duo and to score 2-8 in 35 minutes of winter
football was amazing. Regardless of whether Kieran Donaghy lines out or
not, it is obvious that Cooper will be staying close to the goal, where
his striking ability ranks him as a man apart.

But of course Tyrone are an outstanding set of footballers too and even
though they never displayed the fluidity they showed in the game against
Dublin two weeks ago, they did show their greatest attribute — their
team spirit — in the second half.

The comeback was laborious in that Tyrone — apart from one shot by Davy
Harte, brilliantly saved by Diarmuid Murphy in the 23rd minute — never
looked like scoring a goal, but a string of 10 points showed that they
can never be underestimated, even when falling into serious arrears, and
this is a vital commodity to have.

On the other hand, Kerry played poorly enough in the second half in that
they went a full 20 minutes without a score and in the final 18 minutes
they only managed one more point to leave them hanging onto a
three-point winning margin.

It was undoubtedly a blow to the Tyrone psyche as their large following
were struck dumb in the first half, such was the power of the Kerry
performance. Interesting, too, that it was two of the younger players,
Tommy Walsh and David Moran, who were the stars of the show for the
Kingdom along with Cooper in that opening period of dominance. Moran’s
accurate long foot-passes were exceptional, but then it wasn’t off the
grass he licked it!

Competition for places will be the most important psychological aspect
to Kerry’s season in 2009. Older players will have to drive themselves
to extraordinary heights to to keep their status as No 1 players and
some demanding training sessions will be on the agenda.

But Tyrone and Mickey Harte are still the most formidable footballing
group in the country, despite that loss yesterday. They can play the
game in any style and adjust their team to meet any emergency situations
and these are huge attributes. Even playing badly in Omagh, they almost
snatched a draw or victory because of their stubborn refusal to give
This is what makes Tyrone so hard to beat as Westmeath and Mayo
particular discovered last year.

There is an impression out there that the new rules will suit Kerry’s
style of play. Maybe they will — if these rules are actually enforced
consistently — but I reckon there are two chances of that happening.





Minor League

The minor League  continues on Sunday with Sarsfields playing away to Celbridge in Division 1 and at home to Geraldines in Division 4.


Aldridge Cup.

 The postponed Aldridge Cup has been rescheduled for this Saturday.Hugh Kenny makes his Sarsfields managerial debut in the Aldridge Cup which takes place in Sarsfields park at 3pm against St.Laurence’s. The senior B team are away to Rathcoffey in the Dowling Cup. 


Leinster U21 Football Championship.

 Well done  to Alan Barry and Sarsfield players Robbie Confrey and John Kavanagh and the Kildare team as they successfully saw off Wexford by a margin of 14points; 0-18- 0-04 in the preliminary round of the Leinster championship. They will now meet Carlow in the Quarterfinal in Newbridge on Saturday week February 28th.



Kildare’s National League Fixtures for 2009.

March 8th, Leinster finalists Wexford will be in St. Conleth’s Park; March, 15th, Kildare are away to Monaghan; Sunday March 22nd; Kildare are at home to Armagh; Sunday March 29th, away to Fermanagh; and Sunday, April 12th away to Meath in the final league game. For those supporters planning the annual away trip the game against Fermanagh looks like the likely one.


GAA Museum.

On the 20th February the GAA Museum will launch its new Memory Wall giving museum visitors an opportunity to record their special GAA moments and memories. Do you have a special GAA memory? If so why not take a stroll down memory lane and record your personal GAA story for future generations on the Museum’s Memory Wall.



For more information or to send in your GAA memories please contact the museum’s Education Officer Selina O’Regan on 01 8192361 or email 

 More Stupid Quotes.

I’m the mayor, I can do whatever I want until the courts tell
me I can’t.”

– Sarah Palin, as quoted by former City Council
Member Nick Carney, after he raised objections about the $50,000
she spent renovating the mayor’s office without approval of the
city council.


‘They are also building schools for the Afghan children so that
there is hope and opportunity in our neighboring country of
– Sarah Palin, speaking at a fundraiser in San Francisco,
  Oct. 5, 2008


‘I’m sure a lot of you have tripped out on alcohol. It’s a lot
safer to do it on marijuana’ –Democratic presidential candidate
Mike Gravel, speaking to high school students


‘Information is moving — you know, nightly news is one way, of
course, but it’s also moving through the blogosphere and through
the Internets.’
– George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., May 2, 2007


‘You’ve done a nice job decorating the White House.’
– Pop star Jessica Simpson, upon being introduced to Interior
Secretary Gale Norton while touring the White House

Strange/Bizzare/Quirkie News.

 The World’s Dumbest

1 BRADENTON, Florida. – Police in southwest Florida arrested a man
they say let his 8-year-old son drive a van. Police in Bradenton
arrested 34-year-old Mark A. Belanger just before midnight
Sunday on charges of child abuse and permitting an unlicensed
driver to drive.

2 In Brazil, a leading legislator who came under fire after
amassing a $51M fortune on a $33,000-a-year salary, resigned
when a committee refused to believe his claim that he had won at
bingo and various lotteries 24,000 times over the past 6 years

3 It seems a man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America,
walked into the branch and wrote, ‘This iz a stikkup. Put all
your muny in this bag.’ While standing in line, waiting to give
his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen
him write the note and might call the police before he reached
the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed
the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line,
he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and,
surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest
light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his
stick up note because it was written on a Bank of America
deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells
Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking
somewhat defeated, the man said ‘OK’ and left. The Wells Fargo
teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes
later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

Burglar arrested when he returns for TV remote

 A burglar who stole a DVD player in China was arrested – when he went back for the remote.

But the thief was allowed to go free – when police officers ruled the £100 DVD player was not valuable enough for them to press charges.

Song, 25, of Chengdu, first broke into the house in December. He later realised he had forgotten the remote control so broke into the same building again a month later.

But this time he found the owner, Dai, watching television in the living room, reports Chengdu Business Daily.

Under pressure from Dai, Song admitted he had been responsible for the previous raid and Dai escorted him to the police station to report the crime.

But to Dai’s amazement, police said the £100 DVD player was not worth enough to prosecute Song and he was set free.

Motorists Wee Mistake

A driver stopped his car to answer a call of nature – and watched in horror as it slid over a cliff.

Antonio Gallo, 50, had put on the handbrake but failed to notice he had parked on an ice-covered slope.

To make matters worse, his wife and children were in the passenger seats – but all escaped unharmed.

The car slipped over a cliff ledge and hurtled down a slope until it crashed into a tree 50 yards below, in Montemignaio, northern Italy.

A police spokesman said: ‘He hasn’t been charged with any crime but he’s definitely going to get a life sentence of backseat driving from now on.’



Sports Quirkies.

Sent Off After 3 Seconds

Footballer David Pratt has written his name in the record books for the wrong reasons after getting the world’s fastest-ever red card.

The 21-year-old striker for non-league Chippenham was sent off after three seconds for a lunge at Bashley’s Christopher Knowles, 22, reports The Sun.

Bashley boss Steve Riley said: ‘It was a potential leg-breaker.’

Chippenham secretary George McCaffrey admitted: ‘You could normally not meet a more milder man – but David lost it on this occasion.’

The match in Bashley, Hants, ended 2-1 to the home side.

Bologna’s Giuseppe Lorenzo held the record at ten seconds. Sheffield Wednesday goalie Kevin Pressman lasted 13 seconds against Wolves in 2000.

Long trawl to cup tie

A group of Manchester City fans have hired a fishing trawler to get to a remote Uefa cup match.


The 12 supporters were desperate to see their heroes in the Faroe Islands on Thursday, reports The Sun.

But they feared the air fares would be too high, so clubbed together and chartered the 72ft boat instead.

They drove from Manchester to Aberdeen and took an overnight ferry to Lerwick on the Shetland Isles.

From there they set sail on the Three Sisters for the Faroe Islands – which can take up to 26 hours, depending how rough the sea is.

The boat, which cost the fans £285 each, will get the 12 to Torshavn to see City and their new manager Mark Hughes take on EB/Streymur.

Organiser Leighton Gobbett, 27, said: ‘This should be the funniest trip ever to a football match.’

Another fan said: ‘We must be the first supporters to use a fishing trawler. Let’s hope City stick a few in the net.’

The fans have also persuaded football mag FourFourTwo to supply them with booze on the trawler.

FourFourTwo deputy editor Matthew Weiner said: ‘This voyage represents all that is great about football fans. These lads love their team and will do anything to see them play.’

Team Rambo conquer swamp

A team of players dressed like Rambo have won the Swamp Soccer World Championship in Scotland.

Team Rambo, kitted out as the action hero, battled mud and stiff competition to pick up the trophy, in the Scottish town of Strachur, Argyll.

The third annual championship included 42 teams and 100 matches over a three day period with entrants travelling from as far as Switzerland and Russia to take part in the mud-drenched event.

Team Rambo blew their opposition away in the early rounds and beat last year’s defending champions, The Fuddy Muckers, 5-4 in an explosive penalty shoot out in the semi-final before overcoming The Angry Beavers in the final.

Captain David Butt said: ‘After three gruelling days in the swamp it was awesome to emerge with the trophy!’

The game, which originated in Finland, is contested by two teams of six on a muddy field not much bigger than a five-a-side football pitch.

Teams can be all male, female or mixed with countless substitutions allowed during the 24-minute game, which is contested over two halves.

Organiser of the Strahcur tournament, Stewart Miller, said the event was a first for Scotland.

He said: ‘As a nation we have never hosted a World Cup, and we missed out on the European Championships last year.


True Story.

Signaling A Change In Traffic Lights

Toronto was the first city in the world with a computerized
traffic signal system.

As urban centres began to grow in size, and more intersections
meant more danger of accidents, the bigger cities realized they
had to do something before people and goods were permanently

The first attempt at regulating traffic took the form of wooden
semaphore signs erected in London, England, in 1868 and operated
from the side of the street, by policemen. These proved a
reasonable answer to the immediate problem, and eventually
exported to America, which began using them in 1908.

It was a sensible choice, since the operators could change the
signals as traffic demanded. But technology and progress were
marching along, and by 1914, electrically operated traffic
lights began to take over, with the last manual signal in
Brooklyn, replaced in 1932.

This system was the mainstay of traffic control as civilization
gradually went from horse to horseless carriage and then
convertibles. Up until the 1970s, most traffic systems were run

on electronics that provided dials for timing, and pins to
dictate the cycles, and eventually lights with multiple dials to
accommodate changes in traffic density.

But the winds of change were already blowing, and in 1963, the
city of Toronto, Canada installed the first set of computerized
traffic controls. The boom in manufacturing microprocessors
brought about a concurrent explosion in scores of systems that
were, unfortunately, incompatible with each other.

Eventually the market developed standard communication protocols
and things worked smoothly once more. Until 2002, when Houston,
Texas rolled out the first IP-based communication system for the
operation of traffic lights.

True Story 2.

The High Point Of Coca-Cola History

Coca-Cola used to contain cocaine when it was initially

One of the few rumours about Coca-Cola that is actually true, is
that it did at one time, contain cocaine. Granted, trace amounts
of the stuff, but it was there all the same.

What people tend to forget, is that Coca-Cola was originally
marketed as a patent medicine by its creator, John Pemberton,
himself a druggist. And as it would turn out, a druggist with an
addiction, but not to cocaine.

Pemberton’s original creation was cocaine, highly popular in
1884 Columbus, Georgia. But when prohibition was passed the
following year, he re-worked the formula into a non-alcoholic
drink that used coca leaves and kola nuts for flavoring. And
Coca-Cola was born in 1886.

His first sales were through a pharmacy where it was sold as a
fountain drink at five cents a glass, touted for its abilities
to cure everything from dyspepsia to morphine addiction, from
which Pemberton himself suffered.

At that time, the formula is reputed to have been five ounces of
coca liquid in every gallon, but that has never been confirmed,
since the formula was so jealously guarded.

In 1887, Pemberton sold rights to the formula, to Asa Candler,
who then incorporated a company as Coca-Cola. But Pemberton then
sold the rights a second time, while his son Charlie started to
produce a similar drink. Pemberton declared that Charlie had the
right to the name, but Candler and the unfortunate second
purchasers, could use the formula. But the name had been
established, and Candler’s versions ‘Yum Yum’ and ‘Koke’
flopped. He then made a legal push to reclaim his rights to the
name and the formula, all the while with an eye on the
developing public awareness that consumption of cocaine was bad
for you.

Candler was afraid to totally remove the coca from his formula,
because he believed the only way he could hang onto the patent
for the name, was to keep producing it with the ingredients that
had given the drink life as Coca-Cola.

In 1902, the actual amount of coca extract in the syrup, had
been reduced to 1/400th of a grain. It would not be eliminated
entirely, until 1929.

True Story 3

Sunny Days, Sunny Nights

The reason why the Arctic is called the ‘Land of the
Midnight Sun’ is because during the summer many communities have
light 24 hours of the day. Many people have to cover their
windows with tin foil to keep the light out when they sleep.


No matter which end of the Earth you’re at, you’ll experience
the phenomenon known as the ‘midnight sun’. It’s primarily

associated with the Artic Circle, because the Antarctic is
unoccupied due to the harsh conditions and extreme cold. But at
the north end of the planet, the Artic Circle’s boundary, which
is 66 degrees, 33’N, cuts through the top of several countries,
including Canada, Russia, Alaska, Greenland, and Scandinavia.
That means residents in those areas are treated to the sun
shining at midnight, and if they’re far enough north, pretty
much round the clock for up to six months.

As you move south within the Artic circle, the phenomenon is of
shorter duration in accordance with the tilt of the Earth’s
axis. In the boundary region, the ‘day’ could be as little as 20
hours long! Even Iceland experiences something of the continuous
sun due to refraction, which disappears the further south you go
in latitude. The adjustment to light virtually all the time is
enough to drive some people to cover their windows with tinfoil
to darken their bedrooms and reflect the light away from the

Although dwellers within the Artic Circle are treated to day
long sun, they also get ‘day long’ nights. Strictly speaking,
this is not 24 hours of complete darkness, since a certain
amount of light will show over the horizon, but at best, they
get a deep twilight.





Elevator Magic

A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City. One day,
the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed
by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of
the lobby. The boy asked, ‘What’s this, Paw?’

The father responded, ‘Son, I have never seen anything like this
in my life. I don’t know what it is!’

While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed
astonishment, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the
moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the woman

rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the
boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the
walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in
the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous

twenty-four-year old woman stepped out.

The father turned to his son and said, ‘Go get your maw Now!’

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew
the coffee each morning.

The wife said, ‘You should do it, because you get up first, and
then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee’.

The husband said, ‘ You are in charge of the cooking around here
and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just
wait for my coffee.’

Wife replies, ‘No you should do it, and besides it is in the
Bible that the man should do the coffee.’ Husband replies, ‘ I can’t believe that, show me.’

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and shows
him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says

Another Britney Moment
Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake were walking along the
beach. Suddenly, Justin says, ‘Aww, Britney, look at the dead

Britney looks up at the sky and says, ‘Where?!’

Technical Support Calls

Customer: ‘My disk ran out of space when trying to save my Word document, so I changed it from double spaced to single spaced and it still wouldn’t fit!’

Tech Support: ‘Have you made backups of your software and data?’
Customer: ‘I didn’t know it had a reverse

Customer: ‘All my files I saved last week to my C: drive are missing!’
Tech Support: ‘Do you remember what directory you first saved them in?’
Customer: ‘No, I don’t. I just know it was on my C: drive.’
Tech Support: ‘Ok, I’ll walk you through how to find the files.’
Customer: ‘I wouldn’t think I would be losing files on this computer. Gee, I just had the hard drive replaced in it

Customer: ‘Do I need a computer to use your software?’
Tech Support: ‘Ok, I can help you install the software. Would you like me to do that?’
Customer: ‘Yes.’
Tech Support: ‘All right, can you insert the disk in the disk drive please?’
Customer: ‘How?’
Tech Support: ‘Place the disk in the opening at the front of the computer.’
Customer: ‘Will I have to have my computer delivered before
we can do this?’
Tech Support: ‘Um yes, that might be an idea.’

Tech Support: ‘Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the ‘OK’ button displayed?’
Customer: ‘Wow. How can you see my screen from there?’

Customer: ‘How do you spell ‘Internet America’? Is there a space between ‘inter’ and ‘net’?’
Tech Support: ‘No space between ‘inter’ and ‘net’. It’s spelled normally.’
Customer: ‘Ok. A-M-E-R-I-C-K?’
Tech Support: ‘That’s A-M-E-R-I-C-A.’
Customer: ‘I-C-K???’
Tech Support: ”A’ as in apple’
Customer: ‘There’s no ‘K’ in apple!’


A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an
 animated conversation.
 The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention
 is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

‘Emma come first.
 Den I come.
 Den two asses come together.
 I come once-a-more! .
 Two asses, they come together again.
 I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time.’
 The lady can’t take this any more,   ‘You foul-mouthed sex obsessed
 pig,’ she retorted indignantly.
 ‘In this country. we don’t speak aloud in Public places about our sex
‘Hey, coola down lady,’ said the man. ‘Who talkin’ abouta sex? I’m a
 justa tellin’ my frienda how to spell ‘Mississippi ‘.’
 €5.00 says you’re gonna read this again.

Thanks to Dave O’Neill.
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