THE SASH Tuesday September 16th 2008
The Weekly Online Newsletter of Sarsfields GAA Club.
MINOR CHAMPIONSHIP QUARTERFINAL
Sarsfields 3-11
Clane 1-4
By Mark Kennedy
Sarsfields stormed into the MFC semi-final with an impressive and convincing display over Clane in difficult conditions at Raheens on Sunday. Despite the heavy and persistent rain, the Sash wasted no time taking control when Alan Barrett slotted over the opening score of the game. Ray Cahill pointed a free-kick from 25 yards before Gary Quinn netted superbly following some quick thinking from Dan Doherty. Clane opened their account when Jack Kelly sent over a free-kick from 35 yards to leave four between them. Cathal Fitzpatrick missed a goal opportunity to reduce the deficit further. Sarsfields gifted Clane their next score following a mix up from a short kick out. Sarsfields lost the ball in a dangerous area and were forced to foul with Cathal Maguire pointing from the resulting close range free. Sarsfields sent in a series of high balls into the danger area but far too often the ball went straight into the hands of the Clane custodian, Johnny Byrne. Sarsfields then resumed control with points from Derek Craddock, Sean Campbell and Alan Barrett. Right on the stroke of half-time, the impressive Sean Campbell instigated a fine move which resulted in Gary Quinn netting for the second time to leave the score 2-5 to 0-2 at the break. Clane started the second half brightly and threatened the Sarsfields goal from the throw-in. Cahill and Maguire traded points before Clane got themselves right back into the game with their only goal of the match. The Sarsfields defense failed to deal with a high ball into the area and Richie Eyres capitalized. Ray Cahill then pointed before Dan Doherty kicked one of the scores of the match with a fine run and shot. It was all Sarsfields at this stage and further scores from Cahill and Barrett left the score at 2-11 to 1-4. Sarsfields reserved the best score for last when a powerful and flowing move involving Quinn, Barrett, Stephen Lawlor and Ray Cahill ended with Derek Craddock hammering home the final score of the game to leave the score 3-11 to 1-4.
Sarsfields: J. Flood, D. Somers, D. McDonnell, N. Cross, S. Lawlor, D. Doherty, S. Dunne, C. McDonnell, S. Campbell, P. Buckley, R. Cahill, A. Barrett, G. Quinn, D. Craddock, D. Horgan
Clane: J. Byrne, C. Ryan, C. Gartland, C. McCaffrey, G. Hunt, O. Holligan, C. Fitzpatrick, J. Kelly, P. Hunt, C. Maguire, B. Day, R. McGrath, R. Eyres, D. Murphy, N. O’Brien.
In the postponed U16B Shield quarterfinal fixture that was rescheduled for last night Sarsfields trounced Nurney by 2-14 to 0-1. Congratulations to the team and Manager Mark Kennedy. They will now play Carbury in the semi-final on Sunday at 11am in Sarsfields Park.
Underage Hurling Report
By Kieran Galvin
Our U13 Hurlers lost out but not before they put up a brave battle against
a strong Naas team in Autumn League on Friday night. Our team was made up
of mostly U11 players.
Our U9 Hurlers beat Ardclough on Sunday, in Autumn League with a great
performance in the rain at Sarsfield Park. Darragh Ryan, Colm Harnett,
Kevin Kyne, Rory Scanlan and Conor Sheehan put in powerful displays.
Underage hurling continues on Saturday morning at 10.00am. We have three
teams, U9, U11 and U13 in the North Kildare Board Hurling Autumn League.
New players always welcome. More information from Kieran Galvin 087 7427549
Girls Underage Report
By Jerry Maher
SARSFIELDS 6-8 EADESTOWN 0-3
Sarsfields U/11 girls’ team got their league campaign off to the perfect start when they defeated Eadestown at a sunny Sarsfields Park last Saturday morning. The win was based on a great first half performance which saw Sarsfields race into an early and unassailable lead which Eadestown were unable to chase down for the remainder of the game. Brooke Dunne at centre back, Emily Aulsberry and Laura Scales at midfield dominated their areas which gave Sarsfields forwards a plentiful supply of ball to work with. Carla O’Reilly, Gemma Hartnett, and Molly Price reaped the benefit of this, and put Sarsfields in a commanding leading at half time. In the second half Eadestown started much better and with goalie Orla Behan making some fine saves durning this period, they came back into the game. Good work from Caoimhe Jemmison at midfield and Ruth Downey at full back, Eadestown fought hard but found scores hard to come by with the Sarsfields back line of Emma Lyons, Niamh Hannon and Rachael O’Mahony holding the Eadestown attack at bay, Sarsfields held out for victory.
Coaches Corner
Leinster GAA News
Lucozade Sport Hydration Study reveals 25% of GAA Players start training
dehydrated
Sweat Loss for GAA Players close to 1.25litres during training
Lucozade Sport, the country’s leading sports drink, today revealed the
findings from a Hydration Study it undertook in conjunction with the
National Coaching and Training Centre in the University of Limerick. The
study examined Fluid Intake and Sweat Losses of Inter County Gaelic
football and hurling players in a training environment. A total of 240
players were tested between May 2006 and June 2008. Lucozade Sport
ambassador and Kerry footballer, Colm ‘The Gooch’ Cooper was present at
the announcement of the results.
Past studies have shown that as little as 2% sweat loss can impact on an
athletes performance therefore Hydration status plays a critical role in
an athlete’s physiological capacity to train, compete and recover
successfully. The aim of the study was to determine hydration status
during pre-season training sessions and also to investigate current
hydration practices of GAA squads. Pre-training hydration status was
measured along with fluid intake, calculated sweat loss and change in
body mass during training.
The Lucozade Sport Hydration Study found that 25% of players reported to
training already in a dehydrated state, which suggests that more than a
quarter of all GAA players may not consume adequate fluids during the
hours prior to training. The percentage of players arriving in a
dehydrated state in each squad tested, ranged from 10% to 33%,
indicating that some players appear to have more adequate pre-training
strategies than others.
84.4%, or 211 of 250 players tested, experienced some degree of
dehydration and loss in body mass during training itself. However, 98.8%
of players managed to maintain adequate hydration status during the
training session indicating that the majority of players voluntarily
drink adequate fluids to replace sweat losses.
The study also found that the mean sweat loss figures were as high as
1.25 litres. These figures are similar to a study undertaken in Europe
and the US with professional soccer players, which found that sweat
losses for professional soccer players was up to 1.1 Litres.
The GAA players consumed from 0 to 3 litres of fluid whilst training
with a mean fluid intake during a training session of 760 ml.
Professional soccer players have been reported to consume between 303ml
and 971ml. GAA players appear to consume more liquids per training
session in comparison to professional soccer players.
Speaking about the Hydration Study, Ronan McClafferty, Lucozade Sport
said:
‘We are fully committed to providing all GAA players with the best
products and advice possible in order to improve overall performance on
the pitch.
Fluid intake through good hydration practices is an essential part of
any athletes training yet it is clear from this report that some players
still start training in a dehydrated state.’
‘Lucozade Sport will continue to work with the National Coaching and
Training Centre and the GAA County Boards to ensure that players at all
levels of the game have access to the right information, as well as the
right products, before, during and after training sessions. More
information on hydration and Player Athlete Lifestyle will be presented
by Lucozade Sport as part of our sponsorship of The GAA Games
Development Conference which is taking place in Croke Park on Friday 28
and Saturday 29 November 2008.’ he continued.
Gaelic Games involve seventy minutes of high intensity exercise
interspersed with irregular changes in pace, short bursts of anaerobic
efforts and high levels of skill accompanied with interval periods of
light – moderate aerobic activity. Previous research has shown that on
average GAA players cover 8.5 km during a game.
The game is also characterised by high intensity running with fast
breaks in play, all of which require great effort from the players,
causing an inevitable increase in core body temperature. With increased
sweat losses during a match or training the players are at risk of
dehydration if they fail to adequately replace lost fluids, highlighting
the importance of adequate hydration for all players competing at
inter-county level.
Role of the full back in Gaelic Football
Brendan Harpur
Master Tutor
Four Key Tasks:
Keep the full forward from winning possession.
Dispossess the full forward if he wins possession.
Catch the high balls dropping in around the goalmouth.
Control the centre area in front of the goal.
Key Principals:
Mark the full forward alongside or slightly in front.
Be first to the ball and hold at first attempt (if you can’t catch it, punch it hard, left
or right, away from the danger area).
Must have a clear understanding with the goalkeeper about a high ball dropping in
near the goalmouth. (normally the goalkeeper should take the ball if it is dropping
into the small parallelogram).
Must have an understanding with the corner backs for them to anticipate and cover
breaks when full back has committed himself to contest a high ball in front of goal.
Must control centre and not allow the forward to have a clear shot at
goal/goalkeeper. – (Positioned between line of attack and centre of goal)
When a forward in possession of the ball is running at the full back , the full back has to
:
Go straight at the forward and take the ball as the forward attempts to play it – this
requires excellent timing and keep your body in front of the forwards run, slightly to
the side of his kicking foot. In this way you will avoid a frontal charge (foul) but
you will succeed in obstructing his kick or toe-tap. The technique is to time the run
in such a way that the back, without losing his running momentum, gets up close to
the forward as he releases the ball to shoot or toe-tap, then collects, smothers or
flicks away the ball to gain possession.
Decide to shadow – Shepard forward away from danger area – stay on the balls of
the feet and retreat backwards. (Retreating backwards slows down the attacker and
prevents the back from committing a personal foul). Clever forwards will catch an
outstretched arm and make it look like you have fouled. Time a block and
dispossess.
Some Suggestions
These are dependant on opposition, team tactics and agreed game plan, however the
following should be considered
Jumping for a high ball – Practice jumping with high knee lift. This is needed for
protection and discourages forwards from running in to knock you off balance. Full
backs should earn a reputation that when they go for a ball no one should get in
their way!!!
Safety first in clearances – Fist/hand pass to supporting player. Find possession
from clearances down the nearest wing. In an emergency a long kick aimed 5
metres from the sideline on the halfway line (your own players also need to know
your options). Where the opportunity arises you could take a return pass but make
sure you find possession as a counter attack would leave your goal exposed. DO
NOT cross your own goals in possession of the ball.
The Roving Full Forward
The full back should tightly mark up to a *radius of 45 meters from the goal. As the
intention of the roving full forward is to create a gap in the central area the full back has to
weigh up the risks in being too far from goal and kept out on the wing when an attack is
progressing.
One option is that one of the corner backs could take up the full forward when they wander outfield and the full back drops back into the corner back position. Where the forwards
interchange form the full forward line to the half forward line, then the back should have an understanding to cover their area. (I.e. pick up whatever forward comes into your space.)
A Second option would be to decide to follow the full forward out to a range of *45 meters
radius and stay in the centre and pick up attackers coming through the centre. (the rationale
here is that a forward who is more than 45 meters from goal is less likely to score direct
from that position and will need to pass to a player nearer to goal and will look for a return
pass. In this way the full back is making space and collects whatever is coming into the
scoring area).
*It should be noted that the range is 45metres radius – a player on the 45metre line close
to the sideline is probably 60 metres from goal –a long way back for a full back to cover an attack down the centre!!!
Sarsfields Fixtures for the coming Week.
This week see the Championship at all levels reach the knockout stages. The Seniors play Confey on Saturday the 20th September at 4.45pm in St Conleth’s Park. While the news of the draw was well received by Sash fans, Confey nevertheless will provide formidable opposition on Saturday. Our performances to date have been erratic to say the least, with the best performance in the Championship coming in the first half against Ellistown. In the second half despite dominating there was no Sash white flag raised for 23 minutes. If there is a repeat of that type of performance on Saturday, then it will very likely result in defeat.
Friday the 19th September Senior B Championship Quarterfinal Sarsfields v Celbridge under lights in Naas at 8pm. Saturday 20th Intermediate Camogie Final: Sarsfields v Cappagh at 3pm in Broadford/Clogherinkoe. Sunday the 21st September Junior B Championship quarterfinal Sarsfields v Naas in Moorefield at 12pm. Sunday 21st U13 Division 2 league semi-final Kill or Carbury v Sarsfields at 11am.. Sunday 21st Division 3 semi-final Castledermot v Sarsfields at 11am. Sunday 21st U16B Shield Semi Final Sarsfields v Carbury in Sarsfields Park at 11am. Good luck to all teams and management this weekend.
More Stupid Quotes
‘I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it’s true lightness.’
– Alicia Silverstone, Actress
‘Most hotels are already booked solid by people, plus 5,000 journalists.’
– Bangkok Post
‘I don’t think the Republicans can damage my character.’
– Bill Clinton, former U.S. President
‘I’m someone who has a deep emotional attachment to Starsky and Hutch.’
– Bill Clinton, former U.S. president
‘You guys line up alphabetically by height.’
– Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
‘It’s nice, it gives you a feeling of security so that if something breaks we know we can always call a guy over and he’ll bring a drill or something.’
– Brooke Shields, Actress, on why it was is good to live in a co-ed dormitory when she was in college.
‘Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.’
– Budapest Zoo sign
‘If you walk backwards, you’ll find out that you can go forwards and people won’t know if you’re coming or going.’
– Casel Stengal, former Baseball player
‘The team has come along slow but fast.’
– Casey Stengel, Baseball player/manager
‘These people haven’t seen the last of my face. If I go down, I’m going down standing up.’
– Chuck Person, NBA Basketball player
‘Most lies about blondes are false.’
– Cincinnati Times-Star, headline
‘Models are like baseball players. We make a lot of money quickly, but all of a sudden we’re 30 years old, we don’t have a college education, we’re qualified for nothing, and we’re used to a very nice lifestyle. The best thing is to marry a movie star.’
– Cindy Crawford, Supermodel
‘SUPREME COURT REULES THAT MURDERERS SHALL NOT BE ELECTROCUTED
TWICE FOR THE SAME CRIME.’
– Cleveland Daily News, Headline
‘Lack of brains hinders research.’
– Columbus Dispatch, Headline
‘People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history.’
– Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
‘And now the sequence of events in no particular order.’
– Dan Rather, television news anchor
‘Half this game is ninety percent mental.’
– Danny Ozark, Philadelphia Phillies manager
‘Its a great advantage to be able to hurdle with both legs’
– David Coleman, former Sports commentator
‘There’s going to be a real ding-dong when the bell goes.’
– David Coleman, former Sports commentator
‘Beyond its entertainment value, Baywatch has enriched and, in many cases, helped save lives. I’m looking forward to the opportunity to continue with a project which has has such a significance for so many.’
– David Hasselhoff, Actor
Strange News
Man Killed For Sarcastically Applauding Student
A man was killed and his friend injured for sarcastically
applauding a student who sang ‘My Way’ by Frank Sinatra at a
karaoke bar. The student felt insulted as the two men were
making fun of his singing. The men got into a fight with the
student’s friends, and they then left the bar so the fight would
not get out of hand. However, the student followed the two men
and shot them. The student was later arrested. It has been
stated in newspapers that Phillipine karaoke bars have had to
remove the song ‘My Way’ from the play list as many fights have
happened when the song has been sung.
The Real Fugitive
A man who robbed an auto parts store last week may have escaped,
but only with one leg after an ensuing scuffle with the manager
and a store mechanic. During the struggle the robber lost his
prosthetic leg. ‘The mechanic grabbed hold of the guy’s leg and
it just popped off,’ said Officer Bob Murphy, a spokesman for
the Kansas City Police Department
Man Forced To Leave Building
A man was evicted from his apartment for laughing too much and
laughing too loud. Juergen Olschewski, who is 59 years old was
forced to leave the apartment because he ‘violated the rules,’
by laughing too loud. There had been many complaints by the
neighbours. The eviction notice stated ‘You have been charged
with violating the rules: causing disturbing noises through loud
laughter.’ The Berlin state-operated building association felt
this was the best thing to do.
Rubbish Savings Account
A Chinese man put his savings in a rubbish bin to hide them from burglars – then forgot and threw them out.
Mr Cui hid the equivalent of £3,200 in the kitchen bin before he and his wife went away on a business trip. ‘We looked around our home and finally decided to hide the money in the garbage bin, where we believed it was safest from burglary,’ said Cui who lives in Qingdao city. But Cui and his wife forgot about the money when they returned, reports Bandao City Papers. ‘I threw away the garbage the day after I came home, since the bin was full,’ he said.
Two days passed before Cui remembered where he had hidden the money, and when he rushed to check the garbage room, it had already been taken away. ‘Our last hope was the city garbage treatment centre, but the landfill was so vast that we knew our money was lost forever,’ he said.
Humour
Where is God
A couple had two little boys ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame.
The boys’ mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.
The clergyman agreed, and asked to see them individually. So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.
The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, ‘Where is God?’
They boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open. The clergyman repeated the question. ‘Where is God?’ Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed, ‘Where is God!?’
The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, ‘What happened?’
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, ‘We are in big trouble this time! God is missing and they think we did it!’
Sportsmanship
At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old football players aside and asked, ‘Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team spirit is?’ The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
‘Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?’ The little boy nodded yes.
‘So,’ the coach continued, ‘I’m sure you know, when the referee gives a free to the opposition is, you shouldn’t argue, curse, attack the referee or the umpire, or call them abusive names. Do you understand all that?’ Again the little boy nodded.
He continued, ‘And when I take substitute you so another boy gets a chance to play, it’s not good sportsmanship to call your coach a dumb ass is it?’
Again the little boy nodded.
‘Good,’ said the coach. ‘Now go over there and explain all that to your mother.’
Lecture Tour With A Difference
After an evening out, Roger was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his car parked and walked home. As he was staggering along, he was stopped by a policeman. ‘What are you doing out here at three o’clock in the morning?’ asked the police officer.
‘I’m on my way to a lecture,’ answered Roger.
‘And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time of night?’ enquired the constable sarcastically.
‘My wife,’ slurred Roger grimly.
The Barber
An American man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, ‘Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded, dirty and full of Italians. You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?’
‘We’re taking TWA,’ was the reply. ‘We got a great rate!’
‘TWA?’ exclaimed the barber. ‘That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are rude, and they’re always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?’
‘We’ll be at the downtown International Marriott.’
‘That dump! That’s the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they’re overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?’
‘We’re going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope.’
‘That’s rich,’ laughed the barber. ‘You and a million other people trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You’re going to need it.’
A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome.
‘It was wonderful,’ explained the man, ‘not only were we on time in one of TWA’s brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel – it was great! They’d just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it’s the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!’
‘Well,’ muttered the barber, ‘I know you didn’t get to see the Pope.’
‘Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I’d be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke to me.’
‘Really?’ asked the Barber. ‘What’d he say?’
‘He said, ‘Where’d you get the lousy haircut?”
Funny True Story of the Strange Smithsonian Exhibit
The story behind the letter below is that there is this nutball in Newport, Rhode Island named Scott Williams. What he does is dig things out of his backyard and then send them to the Smithsonian Institute. Scot labels his exhibits with scientific names, insisting that they are actual archaeological finds.
This man really exists and does this in his spare time!
Anyway… here’s the actual response from the Smithsonian Institution. Smithsonian Institute, 207 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, DC 20078
Dear Mr. Williams,
Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labelled ‘93211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post… Hominid skull.’
We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago. Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety that one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be ‘Malibu Barbie.’
It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the field were loathe to come to contradict your findings. However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to its modern origin:
1. The material is moulded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilised bone.
2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimetres, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-hominids.
3. The dentition pattern evident on the skull is more consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time.
This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail, let us say that:
1. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on.
2. Clams don’t have teeth.
It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have the specimen carbon-dated. This is partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear in its normal operation, and partly due to carbon-datings notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record.
To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon-dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results.
Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name Australopithecus spiff-arino. Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn’t really sound like it might be Latin.
However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a Hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly. You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your Newport back yard.
We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation’s capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus Rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.
Yours in Science, Harvey Rowe Chief Curator-Antiquities.
The Atheist and the Bear
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. ‘ What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!’ he said to himself.
As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes. Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly charging towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder he saw that the bear was closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster.
He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him.
At that instant the atheist cried out: ‘Oh my God!…’
Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
It was then that a bright light shone upon the man and a voice came out of the sky saying:
‘You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don’t exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident.
Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?’
The atheist looked directly into the light.
‘It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps, could you make the BEAR a Christian?’
‘Very well, ‘said the voice. The light went out, and the sounds of the forest resumed.
And then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke: ‘Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly thankful, Amen.’
Answers to last weeks Brain Teasers
Brain Teaser #1
A handy one to get you warmed up
A 30 year old man married a 25 year old woman. She died at age 50
and her husband was so devastated that he cried for years. Ten
years after he stopped crying, he died. If he had lived to be 80,
how many years was he a widower?
|
Answer He was a widower for 25 years. |
Brain Teaser #2
If Susan is 10, Arabella is 20, and Jim and Neal are both 5, but
Richard is 10, how much is Jennifer by the same system?
Answer
Jennifer is fifteen, in a system that awards five for each
syllable.
Brain Teaser #3
If 2 hours ago it was as long after one o’clock in the
afternoon as it was before one o’clock in the morning. What time
would it be now?
Answer
Nine o’clock. Since there are 12 hours between the 2 times, and
half of that time is six, then the halfway mark would have to be 7
o’clock. If it were 7 o’clock, two hours ago, the time would now
be nine o’clock.
Here are this weeks Brain Teasers
Two boxers are in a boxing match (regular boxing, not kick
boxing). The fight is scheduled for 12 rounds but ends after 6
rounds, after one boxer knocks out the other boxer. Yet no man
throws a punch. How is this possible?
I am eight letters long – ‘12345678’
My 1234 is an atmospheric condition.
My 34567 supports a plant.
My 4567 is to appropriate.
My 45 is a friendly thank-you.
My 678 is a name.
Q: What word am I?
With thieves I consort, With the vilest, in short, I’m quite at my
ease in depravity; Yet all diviners use me, And savants can’t lose
me, For I am the centre of gravity. Who or what am I???
Answers next week. You can e-mail your answers to the address below and those with the correct answer(s) will have their names published so everyone can see how brainy they are.
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