Sarsfields Newsletter

November 8, 2018





The Weekly Online Newsletter of Sarsfields GAA Club


 Sarsfields Na Feile Champions


Sarsfields U14 girls won the Na Feile title on Sunday beating Eadstown in the final by eight points after beating Naas in the semi- final by a point. They will represent Kildare in the All- Ireland Feile during the summer in Cavan.


The seniors begin their league campaign on Sunday against archrivals Moorefield on Sunday at 4pm in Moorefield. Best of luck to Pauric,  Alan, Gary. Eoin and the Kildare U21 team on Saturday when they take on Dublin in the U21 championship Quarterfinal.



Lack of accord on rules ruining the GAA


By Martin Breheny
Wednesday March 12 2008

WOULDN’T you wonder what St Patrick makes of it all? Five days to go to
his big day, an occasion soaked in tradition for the GAA, and all he can
see is anarchy snaking across the association’s landscape.

As far as we know the AIB All-Ireland club finals are still on schedule
for next Monday but, hey, you never know. Everybody thought last
Wednesday morning that the grand finale of the Sigerson Cup would take
place in Carlow on Friday/Saturday but by nightfall it was in chaos.

The second row in a week over player eligibility had wrecked third-level
football’s big competition and, while one semi-final went ahead last
Saturday, the reality is that however this dispute is resolved, Sigerson
2008 has been wrecked.

This comes shortly after Cork ended their strike and missed the first
two rounds of the Allianz leagues.

That was two months after a nationwide strike of inter-county players
was called off after an agreement was reached over the Government grants

That accord, agreed by Central Council, the GAA’s highest
decision-making body next to Congress, is the subject of a new dispute
as a collection of self-appointed guardians of the amateur philosophy
mount a challenge.


It’s laughable but they got away with it, and managed to force the
grants issue onto the Congress agenda next month.

Hopefully, that’s as far as it will go because if Congress overturns a
Central Council decision to support a Government-financed improvement in
player welfare, the GAA might as well put a ‘For Sale’ sign outside
Croke Park and close down the entire organisation.

Even if Congress tells the ‘Of One Belief’ group and their new-found
supporters to rejoin the democratic wing of the GAA, there are still so
many outbreaks of disorder that it makes you wonder what’s happening to
the Association.

A few weeks ago I made the point that the GAA was becoming ungovernable
and the threat to its future viability wasn’t coming from other sports
but from the failure of its own membership to accept even a basic rule
framework. The Sigerson bust-up has merely reinforced that view.

Everything is challenged down to the last technicality and has reached a
stage where even competitions are being hurt. The Cork strike seriously
damaged the National Leagues — certainly in hurling — but the only
punishment was a tiny fine. The hurlers are now back on track for a
place in the knock-out stages and might even go on to win a competition
where they missed the first two rounds. How daft is that?

And how crazy — not to mention unfair — is it that Dublin and Meath
(football) and Kilkenny and Waterford (hurling) were handed points while
several weaker teams have to play Cork?

The leagues have been seriously messed around but even as that
embarrassment trundled on, the Sigerson Cup ran into a storm which
derailed finals weekend. Apart from the expense and inconvenience to
hosts Carlow IT, there’s the question of the competition’s credibility.

The GAA’s Higher Education Authority compiled a detailed
constitution/bye laws/regulations/code of practice guide which extends
to 34 pages so one would have thought every eventuality was covered. Not
so it seems — hence the dispute which led to last weekend’s fiasco.

But then, irrespective of how detailed regulations are, they become
worthless unless the spirit as well as the letter of the law is upheld.
It’s now the norm rather than the exception in the GAA for the spirit of
the rule to be elbowed aside by self-interest.

These are very challenging times and it’s not down to pressure from
other sports. That’s there too, as it always will be, but it can be
taken on.

Of far more concern is the internal threat to the GAA brought about by
putting self-interest ahead of the general good. Since last year’s
All-Ireland finals, we have had the threat of a nationwide strike by the
entire senior inter-county playing population, a bitter strike by the
largest county and the cancellation of the finals of Third Level’s
football premier competition.

And all the time, a very nasty storm over grants is darkening on the
horizon. And we still haven’t reached St Patrick’s Day. Scary.


Great Grandson of Mick Kennedy visits Sarsfields


Martin Mueller a great grandson of legendary Sarsfields and Kildare footballer Mick Kennedy recently visited the clubhouse. Londoner, Martin was visiting his uncle Leo Kennedy when Leo brought him to the club. His great grandfather Mick Kennedy won an All- Ireland with Kildare in 1905 when Kildare beat Kerry in the final. The thrilling games between Kildare and Kerry during that era are recognised as having giving the GAA the popular appeal that it enjoys today. Mick Kennedy also won 5 senior championships with Sarsfields and was acknowledged as one of the greatest exponents of the toe to hand  pick up.




A Blonde weight problem

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.

‘I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this
procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five

When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds.

‘Why, that’s amazing!’ the doctor says. ‘Did you follow my instructions?’

The blonde nods. ‘I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead
that third day.’

‘From hunger, you mean?’
‘No, from skipping.’


A man and his wife, now in their 60’s, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been such a devoted couple she would grant each of them a very special wish.

The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.

Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger…

Whoosh…immediately he turned ninety!!!


Stratigic Dictionary for Men

This is a Stratigic Dictionary for Men to keep close at hand. If you have a good working knowledge of these WORDS WOMEN USE, you (men) have a better than average chance of actually surviving a negative encounter

FINE — This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use ‘fine’ to describe how a woman looks – this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES — This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it’s an even trade.

NOTHING — This means ‘something,’ and you should be on your toes. ‘Nothing’ is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. ‘Nothing’ usually signifies an argument that will last ‘Five Minutes’ and end with ‘Fine’

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows!) — This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over ‘Nothing’ and will end with the word ‘Fine’

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows) — This means ‘I give up’ or ‘do what you want because I don’t care’ You will get a ‘Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead’ in just a few minutes, followed by ‘Nothing’ and ‘Fine’ and she will talk to you in about ‘Five Minutes’ when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH — This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A ‘Loud Sigh’ means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over ‘Nothing’

SOFT SIGH — Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. ‘Soft Sighs’ mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT’S OKAY — This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. ‘That’s Okay’ means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. ‘That’s Okay’ is often used with the word ‘Fine’ and in conjunction with a ‘Raised Eyebrow.’ GO AHEAD! At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO — This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a ‘That’s Okay’

THANKS — A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you’re welcome.

THANKS A LOT — This is much different from ‘Thanks.’ A woman will say, ‘Thanks A Lot’ when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the ‘Loud Sigh’ Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the ‘Loud Sigh,’ as she will only tell you ‘Nothing’

WE NEED TO TALK — The most dreaded four words a woman can say Because of something you did (or didn’t) do; Because of something you said (or didn’t) say; You have landed yourself in do-do deep! Prepare yourself for this talk. Practice your ‘I’m sorry,’ ‘Please forgive me,’ ‘It won’t happen again’ lines. These may be your only contributions to the ‘TALK.’



You Think You’ve Had a Bad Day

So You Think You’ve Had a Bad Day . . .The following is taken from a Florida newspaper:

A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her husband lying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle laying next to him and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to the phone and summoned an ambulance.

Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of long steps to the street to direct the paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the wife uprighted the motorcycle and pushed it outside.

Seeing that gas had spilled on the floor, the wife obtained some paper towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet.

The husband was treated at the hospital and was released to come home.

After arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went into the bathroom, sat on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while still seated. The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband laying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs and his groin.

The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance.

The same ambulance crew was dispatched and his wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them tipped the stretcher and dumped the husband out.

He fell down the remaining steps and broke his ankle.

So, is your day as bad as you thought?

The Priest and the Politician

A parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty-fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

‘You will understand,’ he said, ‘the seal of the confessional, can never be broken. However, I got my first impressions of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here twenty-five years ago I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. Further, he told me he had embezzled money from his place of business and had an affair with his boss’s wife. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that, and I had, indeed come to, a fine parish full of understanding and loving people.’

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk.

‘I’ll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived in this parish,’ said the politician. ‘In fact, I had the honour of being the first one to go to him in confession.’



GAA and other Quotes


‘We’re taking this match awful seriously. We’re training three times a week now, and some of the boys are off the beer since Tuesday’ –  Offaly hurler  in the week before an All-Ireland final

Football is a game for those not good enough to play hurling.TONY WALL.


‘It used to be a good old Ulster fry before matches, but we’ve changed that now to Muesili – which tastes a wee bit like what you’d find at the bottom of a budgie’s cage.’
Former armagh goalkeeper Benny tierney on the county’s all-new pre-match breakfast menu.


‘Nicky Leeson, you banker, you banker.’
The welcome given to Nick Leeson, of Barings bank fame, by the crowd at Terryland Park when he was introduced as Galway United’s new commercial director.

‘All Sports are been anlysed far too much by Bolloxes like us.’
Ted Walsh, sitting around a table with George Hook, Pat Spillane and Eamon Dunphy



‘I just went up to him and said please Peter, please take it. I knew he was the only man for the job. I know he’s already a legend in tyrone, but that’s going to make hime something crazy alltogether.’
Tyrone’s Sean cavanagh after Peter Canavan’s last minute free beat Armagh in the all-Ireland semi-final.


‘what a way to win an All-Ireland Final. Ten amtches, beating the Ulster champions, the Leinster champions, the Munster champions, and also the current All-Ireland winners. So maybe those people that critised our style of football will think otherwise now and give the county a bit of respect.’
Peter Canavan after Tyrone’s marathon championship ended with victory over Kerry in the final.

‘babs Keating said to me one night the difference between a pat on the back and a kick in the arse is a foot and a half.’
Brian Kerr, under pressure.

‘There might ahve been one or two Irishmen tap-dancing on some of my players’ feet and that might have got them a bit angry.’
Australian coach Kevin Sheedy tries to find a reason for some of his players losing the plot in the International Rules Series.


‘Ever since I started off in Na Piarsaigh, and going to the North Monastery, i was told croke Park, the steps of the Hogan stand, that’s what you inspire to. I bought into that growing up on the norh side of Cork, and I waned to live that dream. And today it came true.’
– Sean Og O hAilpin after captaining Cork to the all-Ireland hurling title in September.



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