Sarsfields Weekly Newsletter.

November 8, 2018

THE SASH Tuesday October 21th 2008


The Weekly Online Newsletter of Sarsfields GAA Club.


Seniors get another chance.


Thanks to the coolness under pressure of Paddy Cambell, Sarsfields have another chance next week after Sunday’s County Final ended in a draw. With time almost up Paddy equalised from a free. Indeed it was Paddy’s five second half points and six in total that kept Sarsfields in the game that seemed to be slipping away as Celbridge led 6 to 3 with 7 minutes remaining. The replay takes place on Bank Holiday Monday next at 2.30. The curtain raiser will the replay of the Intermediate Final between St. Kevin’s and Monasterevin. TV4 won’t be covering the game.


Minors Lose Out.


Commiserations to the minors who lost out to a very good and well organised Athy team. Thanks to this bunch of young footballers who have played and entertained us with great football over the last two years. They are a credit to themselves and to the Club. Thanks also to the great work that was done over the last few years by Manager Tommy Gorman, selectors Noel Crinnigan, Kevin McCormack, John O’Loughlin and former selectors Tom Brennan and Kevin Horgan.


AIB Leinster Club Championship Fixtures


The full quarter final line-up is as follows:

Rhode v Portlaoise
Kilmacud Crokes/Oliver Plunkets V Sarsfields/CelbridgeVNewtown Blues (Louth) Carlow champions or Kiltegan v Colmcilles (Longford) Navan O’Mahonys or Wexford champions v Castledaly (Westmeath)




2008 Historic Reunion.


Sarsfields would like to cordially invite members of the following championship winning teams: U16 1948 & 1968. Minors: 1958 & 1968. Junior League Winners 1958.


To attend the clubhouse on Saturday 25th October for a reunion commencing at 9pm.

All club members are welcome to attend.



Coaches Corner

Funny what you see and meet!

By: John Morrison.

Last week I had a family break in Madeira before returning on Sunday to enjoy Derry’s muchneeded victory over Cavan. Madeira, Derry, and indeed Gaelic sport, if not all sport, seem worlds apart but for me during the week they became strongly connected.Madeira, a volcanic island in the Atlantic, is so lush and varied in climate that it is virtually self-sufficient in all its food needs.

Every available space abounds with fruit, vegetables, cereals, animals and water.

Because the island is hilly rising to its highest peaks, its land is a series of terraces and it is remarkable hoe the many buildings are built upon it.

Power is by hydro-electric, solar or wind driven methods.

In a word it is a PARADISE. Yet all the work on the land has to done by hand because of its steepness.

The native people now Portuguese, are very bronzed, lean, strong, athletic and very healthy.Their lifestyle is a dieticians dream.

Sweets and chocolate, crisps and all those ’E’ numbers are spared from the inhabitants especially the children.

It set me thinking about the development of young sportsmen and women and for Gaelic coaches.and young player’s parents I would suggest some ideas on future eating habits for their youth.Firstly, three simple guidelines for serving wholesome and nutritious food to children – offer  plenty of fruit, vegetables and wholegrain breads and cereals; serve a variety of lower fat protein

foods, such as poultry, lean meat, fish and eggs; encourage children to drink water, pure fruit juice or milk instead of empty-calorie fizzy drinks.

In Madeira I was told the children are encouraged to get involved in choosing what to eat and in preparing meals, while older children can take over making meals if interested. With Derry players and indeed any players I deal with I have a set of Do’s and Don’ts to encourage healthy eating. Do allow children to eat according to their hunger signals. Listen to them when they say they’re hungry. Allow them to stop when they’ve had enough. Do help them to cultivate an adventurous approach to different food tastes and textures.

Do ensure they eat plenty of wholegrains, fruit and vegetables. Do provide structured eating and snacking times of the day, with regular meals and snacks.

Do limit eating at fast food restaurants. Do eat together as a family.

Do take your time at family meals, as eating slowly allows time to digest food and register a sense of fullness.

Don’t offer dessert or sweet treats as reward for finishing meals. Don’t use food as an incentive or for relief of stress or boredom.

If children are hurt, help them develop ways of comforting themselves rather than eating.Don’t force children to eat all you serve. Don’t eat in front of the television.

One evening I met a man called Jose Ramirez who had been an Olympic boxing coach in Cuaba for eleven years.

What he told me was music to my ears. Young boxers in Cuba do not box until 14 years.Before that they play games and skill activities related to boxing. I suggested that this was not to have a ‘win’ attitude too early. He said it was the opposite; no child under 14 likes to feel a sense of losing or to be second best.

He said they have lots of games, competition, relay races, fastest times tests etc but no winners.

Yes, somebody won but the emphasis was more on how each child had done or performed. It reminded me of my own list of ‘Do’s’ to help promote performance before winning.

Do teach younger children through play; do emphasize learning skills, not winning; do keep rules. to a minimum with younger children; do keep competition informal with young children; do grade competitions.

Do emphasize achievement; do reward for effort; do help children realise and get over that they might not be as good as others; do build confidence by being positive.

Do reduce competition expectations; do help those who do not want to compete; do tell children how team outcomes are affected by things other then ability.

Do work with parents for child’s benefit; do remember mistakes are part of learning; do press for competition structures tailored to the needs of children (not adults).

Let’s hope the children around Croke Park on Sunday are eating fruit, healthy sandwiches and drinking water and pure orange juice.

At the match encourage them to take on board the skills of the players as well as cheer on the team to victory. It might be funny to see and may meet with resistance, but nothing beats a try!





More Stupid Quotes.


I may be dumb, but I’m not stupid.’
– Terry Bradshaw, Former American football player/commentator


‘And an Mansell comes into the pits, he’s quite literally sweating his eyeballs out.’
– Commentator on BBC Sports coverage on TV

 ‘You can’t just let nature run wild.’
– Wally Hickel, former Alaska governor

‘Do Not Place Hand In Fan While Fan Is Running.’
– Warning label on central air conditioning unit.

 During the scrimmage, Tarkanian paced the sideline with his hands in his pockets while biting his nails.’
– AP report describing Fresno State basketball coach Jerry Tarkanian.

Strange News


Man Survives Train Disaster; Dies On Return Journey

A man who survived one of Egypt’s biggest train disasters, which
killed 360 people, died on his way back from his journey.  The
man, Abdel-Rahim Qenavi, 22 escaped the big disaster with slight
injuries by jumping off one of the rear carraiges.  However,
after spending time with his family during a religious festival
Eid al-Adha, he died by slipping under a train while waiting at
a train station to return to Cairo

Valium Given To Dogs Having Attacks

Veterinarians in Israel are giving dozens of dogs doses of
valium to control their panic attacks.  The dogs are given
valium because of all the violence that is presently occurring
in Jerusalem.  The dogs are howling, shaking, having no bladder
control and becoming very aggressive when the sound of a gunfire
is heard.  ‘Only today I treated an Alsatian who has stopped
eating and refuses to leave his house,’ said Benny Sapir, a
veterinarian in Jerusalem.

 Chickens From Outer Space

One small step for eggs and one giant leap for chickens.  The
Beijing Daily reported the three chickens hatched from a batch
of eggs, which orbited the Earth 108 times aboard China’s third
unmanned spaceship ‘Shenzhou III.’  According to state media,
China plans to have manned space flights by 2010.  If
successful, they will join the United States and former Soviet
Union as the only countries to put a person into space.




True Story.

Signs Of Intelligence

Although a relationship between man and apes has long been acknowledged, little was ever done about examining just how closely behaviors of one could be mimicked or duplicated by the other. Then a ground-breaking experiment in the mid 1960s which involved trying to communicate with a chimpanzee, set the stage for the longest-running inter species communication project in the scientific community.

The project literally is Koko, a female lowland gorilla born at the San Francisco zoo in 1971, where researcher Penny Patterson spotted her only months later. Inspired by the work of Alan and Beatrice Gardner who had done the initial investigation into how Man could teach an ape to communicate with them, Dr. Penny Patterson decided to dedicate her professional life and skills to opening the channels of communication.

A behavioral scientist with a doctorate in psychology, Patterson was at first refused access to the baby Koko, as the zoo’s project was to protect the dwindling numbers of gorillas through a careful breeding program, and the baby was as yet, too young. But Koko’s introduction to human contact came earlier than expected, when she failed to thrive in the artificial zoo environment and became ill at six months of age. After intensive medical care, she spent six months living in the home of human keepers, and the door to Patterson’s project to teach an ape ASL, or American Sign Language, opened wide.

The project, which is now 34 years old, has produced discoveries that fly in the face of preconceptions about apes and how they communicate, and have also provided scientists with a basis to suggest that Man himself originally communicated through gestures.

Koko’s years of study have resulted in books, interviews, and international celebrity status. She has participated in the first inter-species ‘chat’ over the Internet, and as of the year 2000, had about 1,000 signs at her command, and understood some 2,000 English words. Her intelligence quotient has been estimated at 75-85 with 100 being the norm for Man.


What to do about Cars Speeding in Villages?

A local council in Emgland could not afford a speed camera, so they put up a sign saying:
Slow down Old People’s Home.  – It had no effect.

At the next meeting the decided to play on the paternal instincts and put up a sign:
Danger – Children at Play.  The result was no discernable reduction in traffic speed.

Then the chairman had a brain-wave and suggested they try a sign with:
Nudist Colony.  – As a result of the Nudist Colony notice, white vans and lorries crawl thought the village.

Fact is Stranger than Fiction – Miss Whiplash

A Mr Andy Jones decided to put into practice the idea of slowing down motorists with an eye-catching statement.  Mr Jones of Littledean, Gloucestershire, England decided to use a manikin model instead of a written sign.  What makes this more complicated and more interesting is that Mr Jones owns a crime museum, and his model is ‘Miss Whiplash’.  She certainly turns heads. 

Councillor Bernie Giles takes the view that ‘Miss Whiplash’ is not necessary, and others believe that she may cause more accidents than she prevents.

Fascinating Teacher Joke

The teacher asked her class of 8 year olds to use a sentence containing the word fascinate

Molly put up her hand and said, ‘My family went to my granddad’s farm, and we all saw his pet sheep It was fascinating.’ The teacher said, ‘That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’, not fascinating’.

Sally raised her hand. She said, ‘My family went to see Rock City and was fascinated.’

The teacher said, ‘Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate.’

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word ‘fascinate’, so she called on him.

Johnny said, ‘My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her bosoms are so big she can only fasten eight.’

Authentic Milkman Notes

These notes were left in milk bottles:

· Please send me details about cheap milk as I am stagnant.

· Dear milkman I’ve just had a baby, please leave another one.

· Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk.

· Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it.

· Please don’t leave any more milk. All they do is drink it.

· Milkman, please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk.

· Milkman, please could I have a loaf but not bread today.

· Please cancel milk. I have nothing coming into the house but two sons on the dole.

· Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I’ve been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks.

· Sorry about yesterday’s note. I didn’t mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round.

· When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress.

· Please knock. My TV’s broken down and I missed last night’s Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened over a cup of tea.


Holy Smoke

Acting on a tip-off, Greek police officers raided a nunnery in the village of Filiro, near Thessaloniki in Greece. It amazed them to find 35 healthy cannabis plants growing in the walled garden.

What the nuns told the police was, two gentleman offered to help them tidy the garden in the Greek Orthodox nunnery. Summing up the circumstances, the officers believed the nuns when they said they had no idea that ‘decorative plants’ were really pot, or kánnabis in Greek. Police are still trying to trace the two ‘gardeners.’

Interesting study – take note

A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with very low intellect read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don’t bother taking your hand off now. It’s too late.

Seat in the Stand?

Bernie and Eddie were fortunate enough to have a season ticket to watch Manchester United.  They could not help noticing that there was always a spare seat next (K37) to them and they had a friend who would love to buy a season ticket, especially if all three could have seats together.

Dear Tony Ryan

God and St. Francis Discussing Lawns

GOD: St. Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there in the USA? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honeybees and flocks of songbirds.

I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.

ST. FRANCIS: It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers weeds and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD: Grass? But it’s so boring. It’s not colourful. It doesn’t attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It’s temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it, sometimes twice a week.

GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS: No, sir — just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS: Yes, sir.

GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS: You aren’t going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stoke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It’s a natural circle of life.

ST. FRANCIS: You’d better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

GOD: And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD: Enough! I don’t want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you’re in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

ST. CATHERINE: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It’s a real stupid movie about …

GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis

One half-time Bernie went to the ticket office and asked if they could by buy the season ticket for K37.  The official said that unfortunately the ticket had been sold.  Nevertheless, week after week the seat was still empty.

Then on St. Steven’s day, much to Bernie and Eddie’s amazement the seat was taken for the first time that season.  Eddie could not resist asking the newcomer, ‘Where have you been all season’ .  Don’t ask he said, the wife bought the season ticket back last summer, and kept it for a surprise Christmas present.

Answers to last week’s Brain Teasers.

1 What is the easiest way to throw a ball, have it stop, and
completely reverse direction after traveling a short distance?

Answer: Throw the ball Straight up

2 If there are fifteen crows on a fence and the farmer shoots a 
third of them, how many are left?

Answer: None. They all fly away after hearing the shots

3 An electric train is traveling southwest at 95 miles per hour, and
the wind is blowing north east at 95 miles per hour. In which 

direction does the smoke blow?

Answer: There is no smoke. It is an electric train.


Here is this week’s Brain Teasers.

1The Lone Ranger rode into town on Friday. He stayed 5 consecutive 
 days and left on Friday. How could this be? 

2 How much dirt is in a hole that is 3 ft deep, and 6 inches in diameter? 

3 A man left a legacy of €10,000 to three relatives and their wives. 
Together, the wives received €3960. June received €100 more than 

Camille, and Martha received €100 more than June. Jack Smith was 

given just as much as his wife, Frank Saunders got half as much 

again as his wife, and Terry Connors received twice as much as his 

wife. Which wife belongs to which husband?





Answers next week. You can e-mail your answers to the address below and those with the correct answer(s) will have their names published so everyone can see how brainy they are.

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