Sarsfiels Newsletter.

November 8, 2018

The Weekly Online Newsletter of Sarsfields GAA Club.



Feile Quarter Final Sarsfields 6-4 St. Laurence’s 1-7


Tony Ryan

Sarsfields U14 Boys had 12 points to spare over St. Laurence’s in the Feile quarterfinal in Sarsfields Park on Sunday morning last. In an entertaining game played between two committed teams the main difference between the sides was the five goals scored by Sarsfields impressive full forward, Peter Howard.

            Sarsfields scored their first goal after just two minutes through Josh Francis and thereafter were never headed. With Sarsfields leading by 4-1 to 1-5 at half time St. Laurence’s faced an uphill struggle in the second half. They tried valiantly to reduce the deficit after the resumption but their cause was not helped by a number of wides. When Sarsfields centre forward Shay Ryan sent in a long delivery to full forward Peter Howard midway through the second half, Howard fired home to score his fourth goal effectively ending the game as a contest. Though St Laurence’s replied with two points from Joe Finnegan and Eoin O’Neill, it was the the Sarsfields full forward who capped off an excellent performance with his fifth goal with five minutes remaining to send the Sash boys into the semi-final for the third consecutive year. Overall it was an overall impressive team effort from a group who are growing in confidence and stature with every game.

Sarsfields: Colm Galvin; David Marnel, Tadgh McQuillan,Ross Kelly; Eoin O’Connor,Gary Maguire,Sean Brown; Conor Hartley,James Healy;Rory O’Donnell,Shea Ryan(0-02),Eoin Donnelly;Stephen Creaton,Peter Howard(5-03),Josh Francis(1-0) Subs: Conor Hayes for Ross Kelly, Gavin Maher for Stephen Creaton, Keith Doyle for Eoin O’Connor, Sean Byrne for Josh Francis, Conor Molloy for Rory O’Donnell.

St Laurence’s: Dylan Moore; Craig Peate,Mark Lawlor, Paul Huntingdon; Josh Miller, Shane Miley, Tom Glynn; Adam Stynes, Aaron Gorman(0-01);Glen Holmes, Mark Glynn, Ben Flood; Eric Doran, Joe Finnegan(0-04),Eoin O’Neill(1-02).

Referee: Seamus McKernan



Sarsfields Fixtures for this Week.

 The Senior and the Senior B footballers kick-start their league campaigns this weekend with the Seniors away to Round Towers at 4pm on Saturday and the Senior B team at home to Rheban at 6pm on Saturday.

Wednesday 30th March    

U16 Boys Football League Div 1 

Sarsfields v Kilcock at 6.30pm

U14 Boys Hurling Feile 

Ellistown/Sarsfields v Kill/Sallins at 7pm


Thursday 31st March    

Minor Boys Football League Div 1 

Sarsfields v Leixlip at 6.45pm


Friday 1st April    

U16 Boys Football League Div 1 

Naas v Sarsfields at 6.30pm


Saturday 2nd April    

Girls Minor Football Championship

Sarsfields v Naas at 11.30am

Under 9 Boys Football

Naas v Sarsfields at 2pm

Under 11 Boys Football

Clane v Sarsfields at 3.30pm

Senior Football League Div 1 

Round Towers v Sarsfields at 4pm

Senior Football League Div 3 

Sarsfields v Rheban at 6pm


Sunday 3rd April  

Under 8 Boys Hurling League

Sarsfields v Celbridge at 10.30am

Under 9 Boys Hurling League

Sarsfields v Sallins at 10.30am 

Under 12 Boys Hurling League

Sarsfields v Ballymore at 12 noon


Monday 4th April    

Senior Football League Div 5 

Kill v Sarsfields at 6.45pm                                  



Sarsfields Notes

 Congratulations to the Boys U14 who beat St Laurence’s in the Feile quarterfinal by 6-4 to 1-7 on Sunday morning last and to the Ladies minors who defeated Na Fianna by 5-12 to 2-4 on Saturday.

            The adult  Leagues commences next Saturday with the Seniors playing away to Round Towers at 4pm while the Senior B team are at home to Rheban at 6pm.

            Congratulations to Shea and Lisa McGann on the birth of their daughter last Friday.

Well done to the U14 Girls who got their spring League off to a winning start with a comprehensive 1-13 to 1-3 win over St Laurence’s. On April 9th a fundamentals coaching course for Kildare Ladies Football takes place
 with tutors from Croke Park. This course is designed around girls playing football and differs from the GAA foundation course, so people who have done the GAA course still need to do the ladies course if involved with girls football. If interested Please email County Development Officer to your details before March 28th or for more information contact Sarsfields Ladies Secretary Dema Houlihan at






The funding deadline for the Floodlights project has now been extended to 31st May 2011. To date the Floodlight Committee have had a fantastic response and Padraig Brennan on behalf of the Committee would like to thank to all who have supported the project so far so far and asks all other members to support the project as best as they can. All contributions, no matter how big or small are significant and very much appreciated. The Floodlight Committee will hold a Table Quiz on Holy Thursday  on 21st April 8.30. Entry per team of four is €40. All proceeds go to the Floodlights Fund.

            Sarsfields membership 2011 is now due. The membership fee for 2011 is unchanged. All player memberships include a player/gym contribution of €30 for juveniles and €60 for adults. Adult Member – €60. Adult Player – €120. Student Player – €70. Unemployed Player – €60.  Retired Member – €10.  Juvenile Member (U6-U9) – €30. Juvenile Player (U10-U18)-€60.  Family Membership – €70 + player/gym contributions for relevant family members.  Players who are not registered members of the club are not insured to train or play. For further details on registration please contact the registrar Kathleen (Ollie) Ryan – 086 2641115.

Lotto results for Monday March 21st.  Numbers Drawn: 6,11,20,22. Lotto value: €12,000. No Jackpot Winner. €100: Alan Fox c/o Coffey’s €40 Each: Paul Mundy c/o Mick Geraghty,  Shelia Geoghegan, c/o Seamus Wilson, Claire Cluxton, c/o Pat Black. €25: Seamus Heffernan, Rathangan


Remaining 2011 Kildare NFL and Hurling Fixtures.

Saturday April 2
NFL Div 1 (Rd 6) 7.30: Dublin v Down

Sunday April 3
NFL Div 1 (Rd 6) (2.30): Monaghan v Kerry, Mayo v Cork, Armagh v Galway

NFL Div 2 (Rd 6) (2.30): Donegal v Antrim, Tyrone v Kildare, Derry v Meath, Sligo v Laois

 Sunday April 10
NFL Div 1 (Rd 7) (2.30): Monaghan v Mayo, Kerry v Down, Galway v Dublin, Cork v Armagh

NFL Div 2 (Rd 7) (2.30): Antrim v Derry, Laois v Donegal, Kildare v Sligo, Meath v Tyrone


Sasrsfields On Facebook 

Sarsfields now have 700 Fans on Facebook.

Sarsfields now has a Facebook Page where all sections can now post information directly relating to games, results events and photos etc. In addition there is a discussion forum. Link to Sarsfields  Facebook page can be found by scrolling down the home page of the Sarsfields website or by Googling Sarsfields GAA Facebook. More Stupid Quotes.



Sarsfields Floodlights Fundraiser


A table quiz fund raiser for the Floodlights takes place on the 21st April (Holy Thursday) at 8pm.  A table of 4 is €40 and there will be a  raffle with spot prizes.


So here’s a third quiz to get you warmed up for the Fundraiser in April.

1.     Which sea does the Nile flow into?

2.     Which literary figure said: “the reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated”?

3.     Who wrote a “Tale of Two Cities”?

4.     Which county in Leinster shares its name with a town in England?

5.     What colour is Connemara marble?

6.     ‘Clearly misunderstood’ is an example of what figure of speech.

7.     Where does the estuary of the river Suir meet the sea?

8.     What Leinster County used to be a province?

9.     Who did Kildare beat in the 1998 Leinster semi-final?

10. What County is our Vice Chairman Christy Horan from?

Answers Below.





True Story

Bungled Robberies


The two criminal masterminds planned their heist carefully. They knew the courier would have a suitcase full of cash. They waited for his car to pass, then pursued him at high speed, shooting at the vehicle until the courier was forced to pull over.

Armed robbers made off with what they thought was a suitcase full of cash – they were in for a surprise.  Back at their secret hideout, the bandits prepared to force the locks and spring the cash. That’s when they noticed their plan had gone horribly wrong; instead of taking the money, they made off with a first aid kit.

Police spokesman Johann Steinlitz said, ‘If there was an award for the dumbest crooks they would certainly be in the running.
But even though they did not get what they were after, we are still investigating for attempted armed robbery and endangering lives. Luckily the courier was not harmed in the incident.’

2) Patriotic thieves

Masked bank robbers forced customers and cashiers to sing the Italian national anthem during a hold-up in Guidonia, near Rome.
Police reported that the men then escaped on a motorcycle with �25,000 in cash.[approx.$ 44,550 USD]

3) Failed Robbery – Can You Believe It!

A robbery at a school in Providencia, Chile was foiled when the pupils laughed at the perpetrator of the crime reports the newspaper Las Ultimas Noticias.

The teachers, pupils and parents had been watching the rehearsal of a play which began with the words, ‘This is a robbery’.

The criminal used these words and the audience collapsed in fits of laughter. So taken aback, the robber snatched the registration money and fled from the school into the arms of the police who were on their way having been alerted to the robbery.


The Importance of walking

Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old
to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
home at $4,000 per month.




These jokes are taken from REAL resumes and cover letters and were printed in the Fortune Magazine:

1. ‘I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.’
2. ‘I have lurnt Word for Widows, computor operations and spreasheet progroms.’
3. ‘I received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.’
4. ‘Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.’
5. ‘Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.’
6. ‘Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.’
7. ‘It’s best for employers that I not work with people.’
8. ‘Let’s meet , so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.’
9. ‘You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.’
10. ‘Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.’
11. ‘I was working for my mom until she decided to move.’
12. ‘Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.’
13. ‘I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.’
14 ‘I am loyal to my employer at all costs….Please feel free to respond to my r�sum� on my office voice mail.’
15. ‘I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.’
16. ‘My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training n meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.’



Funny Cat Stories


Washer, the tomcat, was heard running up and down the alley for hours. Ian, his neighbour ‘phoned Alan [the cat’s owner] and asked what was happening. Alan replied, ‘Well, I had Washer neutered today, and he’s going around cancelling all his engagements.’

 Homing Cat

Michael really hated his wife, Patricia’s cat. So he decided to get rid of it for good. Michael put it in the car and drove 2 miles away and dropped it off. Just as he pulled in the driveway, he noticed the cat sitting in the entrance the porch.

The next day he decided he would take the cat 5 miles away and drop it off. But again, the cat found it’s way home. Each day Michael kept going further and further away, but the cat would always find it’s way home.

Michael was so furious that he decided to take the cat even further away, he turned right, then left, circled around, then right again, another right, backtracked a couple of times, then left again. He then dropped the cat off.

Several hours later, he ‘phoned Patricia, ‘Darling, is the cat there?’.

‘Yes,’ she answered. ‘Why?’ Michael replied bitterly, ‘Put that flippin’ animal on the ‘phone. I’m lost and need directions.’


And from the Small Ads Column

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.

A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.

Dinner Special — Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced. Get an extra pair to take home.

Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.

Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.

Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

For Sale — Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy.

Great Dames for sale.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

If you think you’ve seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.

Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.


Quiz Answers;

1.     The Nile flows into the Mediterranean sea.

2.     Mark Twain.

3.     Charles Dickens wrote a Tale of Two Cities.

4.     Louth shares its name with the town of Louth
in Lincolnshire.

5.     Connemara marble is mainly green.

6.     ‘Clearly misunderstood’ is an example of an oxymoron.

7.     At one time Meath was a province.

8.     The river suir flows into the sea near Dunmore East in Waterford.

9.     Laois- always great to beat them. It was the day that Nuckser Buckley steadied himself against the Wolly Parkinson as he kicked a brilliant point from distance.

10.                         Christy is from Offaly and recently received his residency papers.